2008 April | Synaptic Circus of Kelli Jae Baeli

Purple Prose & Metaphoric Misdemeanors

* as usual, these are my opinions, based on my own experience of writing and editing for the last 25 or so years. Not all writers, editors and readers will agree, and that’s fine. I offer it as valuable information I learned which made me a better writer, in hopes it will help another writer reach that goal.

Writers, beware: You must NOT fall in love with your words. You must fall in love with your craft. That’s the thesis for this entire post, but read on, if you want details.

I am forever mortified by the details that many authors place in their stories, which have no bearing on the story itself–not in the development in plot, nor the development of character. It’s just there, because the author was in love with the words and his/her ability to string them together like multi-colored popcorn on a gaudy Christmas tree.

Purple Prose, as a term used in the critique of writing was coined by Horace, the infamous Roman poet, in Ars Poetica. The translation of this into English tells us,

“Your opening shows great promise, and yet flashy purple patches; as when describing a sacred grove, or the altar of Diana, or a stream meandering through fields, or the river Rhine, or a rainbow; but this was not the place for them. If you can realistically render a cypress tree, would you include one when commissioned to paint a sailor in the midst of a shipwreck?”

Pouncing on the inherent humor to be enjoyed in this subject, the Edward Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest makes a contest out of mimicry of Bulwer-Lytton’s penchant for Purple Prose. The famous opening to his novel, Paul Clifford, begins thus:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents�except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

It is referenced most often by the phrase “It was a dark and stormy night.” The contest invites writers to submit their own version of flowery description in the beginning of some fictional fiction work.

A couple of my favorites, incidentally:

The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the toad’s deception, screaming madly, “You lied!”
–Barbara C. Kroll, Kennett Square, Pennsylvania

The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and pleasant for those who hadn’t heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it but your brain wasn’t reacting yet to let you know.
–Patricia E. Presutti, Lewiston, New York (1986 Winner)

Enough of the digression….let’s get back to the subject matter at hand (as Ellen Degeneres says, “…My point, and I do have one…”).

The proliferation of Purple Prose is nowhere more apparent than on the Internet in collections of Fan Fiction.* These copycats are often ridiculed or derided, and there is even a version of Purple Prose now referred to as “urple prose.” This intentional misspelling is a satirical double entendre, since so much of Fan Fiction is not only fraught with spelling errors, but also often sickening in its tendency toward ornate and tiresome exposition.

I am still floored by the ability of a writer to pound a perfectly good metaphor into the ground, break it off, and thus render it useless and disappointing.

An example of this sort of metaphoric misdemeanor can be found in “The Gate to Women’s country” by Sheri S. Tepper. I have had this book for years, hoping one day I’d find the mood to read it. I wanted to read it. I tried to read it. All the accolades from various reviewers encouraged me to read it. But ultimately, I could not read it. I couldn’t get past the second page. The concepts and subject matter in this book was at first titillating. Then when I attempted to read it, it just became Tit. As in another writer at the tit of Purple Prose.

Many readers, I suppose, enjoy flowery overkill, but I do not.

I believe that if you allow yourself the indulgence of an extended metaphor, you run the risk of making that metaphor somewhat of a character, and distract from the characters who should have that focus. When this is the case, writing becomes a stalker’s love of language, a sort of masturbation by the author, rather than a story about people, for people, and of people. Call me a hard-ass, but I feel a book should be about something other than the linguistic ego of its author.

Having said that, here’s an excerpt from the first and second pages of “The Gate to Women’s Country” to illustrate this affliction:

“As usually happened on occasions like this one, Stavia felt herself become an actor in an unfamiliar play, uncertain of the lines of the plot, apprehensive of the ending. If there was o be an ending at all. In the face of the surprising and unforeseen, her accustomed daily self was often thrown all at a loss and could do nothing but stand aside upon its stage, one hand slightly extended toward the winds to cue the entry of some other character–a Stavia more capable, more endowed with the extemporaneous force or grace these events required. When the appropriate character entered, her daily self was left to watch from behind the scenes, bemused by the unfamiliar intricacy of the dialogue, and settings which this other, this actor Stavia, seemed able somehow to negotiate. So, when this evening the unexpected summons arrived from Dawid, the daily Stavia had bowed her way backstage to leave the boards to this other persona, this dimly cloaked figure making its way with sure and unhesitating tread past the lighted apartments and through the fish and fruiterers markets toward Battle Gate.

Stavia the observer noted particularly the quality of the light. Dusk. Gray of cloud and shadowed freed of leaf. It was apt, this light–well done for the mood of the piece. Nostalgic. Melancholy without being utterly depressing. A few crepuscular rays broke through the western cloud cover in long, mysterious beams, as though they were searchlights from a celestial realm, seeking a lost angel, perhaps, or some escaped soul from Hades trying desperately to find the road to heaven. Or perhaps they were casting about to find a fishing boat, our there on a darkling sea, though she could not immediately think of a reason that the heavenly ones should need a fishing boat.”

I was looking for my hip boots to wade through this mountain of potpourri. I only made it that far before I tossed the book down, saying “Oh, kill me now!”

It’s as if Tepper hides behind her words, rather than stands beside them, with them. This suggests a certain fear of being honest in her craft. Perhaps it has to do with the genre, I thought, but then flowery prose usually belongs to other genres, and this was marketed as Science Fiction. Perhaps the book was mis-categorized. Nevertheless, it suffers from the purple prose often found in second rate fantasy and romance novels. If I want something that flowery, I’ll plant a garden, thank you very much.

—————
*Basically, Fan Fiction is fiction based on previously published work, whether from television or novel, created by fans of that work.

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April 28th, 2008

bad writing, cliches, contrived situations, PUBLISHING, purple prose, WRITING CRAFT

Romancing the Blog: Purple Prose: A Bum Rap

Romancing the Drone

My friend Georgie sent me this link because she knew I’d get riled up and blog about it. She was right.

A blog by Rebecca Brandewyne, the romance writer. She should have named herself Rebecca From Sunnybrook Farm. She’s delusional. One look at her absurd photo tells you all you need to know about her writing. She looks like Dolly Parton’s illegitimate daughter. Can you say Glamour Shots?

I have written romance before. But I quickly outgrew the sort of romance to be had gushing from the pen of Ms. Brandewyne. I used to believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, too, but again…I grew up.

My main problem with romance novels in general, is that they perpetuate a naivete about how people really are, and how relationships really go. Yes, yes, I know, it’s about ESCAPE. Romance readers want to be taken to another place that is idyllic so they can escape their mundane lives filled with mundane or non-existent romance. I get that. But how are these readers going to change the nature of their lives unless they stop living in a dream world? And what of the unrealistic expectations they place on every potential suitor? Ignorance and delusion is never a solution to the ills we face in this world.

All that aside, I was struck by Brandewyne’s ridiculous justifications for her brand of idiocy. Here’s a prime example from the blog link above:

“So-called clean writing actually has very little to do with good writing–and a great deal to do with saving on paper costs.”

Dumbass. Yes, she does have a “following” and if you are the least bit schooled and practiced in quality writing, you know who those followers are. I mean, Charles Manson had followers too. So did Liberace, and Zsa-Zsa Gabor and Marie Antoinette; and currently, there’s the Paris Hilton bunch.

“Clean writing” for the fiction author has NOTHING to do with saving paper, and EVERYTHING to do with good writing. But I wouldn’t expect anyone with only half a brain cell to understand this. There will always be, as my friend Georgie says, “straight women who don’t have lives, hate their husbands and kids and can only find entertainment in romance novels.” Odds are, these women are also uneducated, quixotic and delusional, like Brandy Wine, or Brandewyne.

Why am I so caustic? Because I feel that bad writing reflects on writers everywhere. And for those of us who care about the quality of our work, born of many years of learning and striving and making hard choices, it’s insulting to the nth degree.

She mentions in this blog that she was a journalism student, as well, and this is her excuse for her bad writing. Half my major was journalism, too, but I understand the distinction between journalistic writing and fiction writing. Trimming, in journalism, is often about what she said–fitting the words on a page–but it’s also about being succinct and concise so that people can get on with their lives while keeping up with all the news. In the case of fiction, however, it’s about quality, not quantity. She’s too thick to even understand that.

To make her ignorance more stark, she says,

“So, now, you know the etymology of the phrase. Purple prose was originally brilliant, effective prose.”

Yeah, and now it’s been reduced to what SHE writes. If she’s going to speak of etymology, she ought to learn that etymology is as much about the CHANGES in a word’s meaning, as it is about the ORIGINAL meaning of a word. I don’t care if she is published–there’s always an audience for insipid, vacuous drivel. There will always be plenty of stupid people to write for. Just because they can read, it doesn’t mean they are sources of validation or wisdom. You can stand for hours in a garage, but that doesn’t mean you’re a car.

Think I’m exaggerating? Here’s and excerpt, I found at random, first try, from one of her books:

“It was time.
Storm gazed lovingly at the man who lay sleeping so peacefully by her side, there was no need of words between them, no need to tell him of her decision. He would know she had made it the moment he awakened and looked into her eyes. He would know too how very painful it had been and how much it had cost her. Yes, he would understand all that– and more.

She reached out one hand to gently brush away a strand of hair that caressed his cheek. He was here. He was real. He was hers, this man, forever. Only death could separate then now, and they had lived with death too long to fear it. It was as much a part of them as the shadows they cast beneath the fierce Texas sun.”

Cue the violins, and someone, hand me a pail, quickly, before I hurl on the floor.

Throughout her writing, she also liberally sprinkles every cliche known to humankind, and breaks every rule of intelligent, poignant and meaningful prose, character development, plotting, and verisimilitude.

The fact that Brandewyne is on the NY Times Bestseller list is inconsequential. Every good writer understands that being good is not always the criteria by which a book winds up on that dubious success list[1] –it’s about how many people want to read that kind of thing; and as we all know, far more people fall into the “simple” category, than into the category of complex and erudite. Seasoned, quality writers also know that if they want to make some easy money, all they have to do is come up with some breezy, romantical pen name, and crank out a bunch of maudlin purple prose, and they get a check. That’s because of all those aforementioned uneducated, puerile individuals who populate our census data. The same can be said for other industries like music, art, fashion and paddle-ball.

I’m not even seeking a mainstream publisher, after over 20 years of writing, because I after polishing my craft enough to be proud to have my name on it, writing good enough, I believe, to compete with authentic authors of meaningful fiction, I decided it wasn’t worth giving up the creative control for 15% of the profit, when I can get 80% and write what I want, how I want, and without selling my soul for some precious piece of paper that ultimately means very little.

I’ll take that, any day, over publishing the cheap, childish fare Brandewyne does.

==============================

[1] For corroboration, please refer to Publishing’s Wrong Numbers by Michael Dirda, Kvetching About the Bestseller List by Alicia Rasley, That’s Some Bad Writing, Hoss by novelist JW Manus, and Worst Bestselling/Bestseller Authors (And why?) on Straight Dope forum.

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April 24th, 2008

actress, gay, GYN, gynecology, HUMOR, straight

Gynepsychology

You ever wonder who the gynecologist for famous actresses is? Can you imagine? Most men dream of even seeing a female star; this guy gets to put his fingers in their coochies, and put his face right up there in it. All in the name of medicine. Sanctioned by reputable institutions of higher learning. But they’re still men, and I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be just a little thrilled with their career choice.

I’ve always been suspicious of male gynecologists, anyway. I mean, what kind of guy is in med school and decides he wants to look at vagina’s all day long for a living? Has to be a perv, i tell ya. It can’t be because he is passionate about solving gynecological issues. Unless he’s gay. Then maybe it would be okay. Having a fag GYN might actually be fun, because he’d say scandalous things like, “Oooo, girl! what pretty pubic topiary, you’ve designed, there!” Or maybe he’d hum altered Broadway tunes like, “If i were a straight man, doobee doobee DOOO be DOO be doobe doobe doooo!”

Some women freak out about seeing a female GYN, and i can’t tell if more of them who feel that way are straight or gay, because i hear the argument for both sides. The straight women say, “I could never let another woman diddle around with my vagina. That would be creepy, because i don’t have sex with women.” The gay ones say, “I would never let another woman diddle around with my vagina, unless she was my lover. Otherwise, that might be embarrassing, because i might get aroused.”

But then a similar protest might be heard for male gynecologists. Gay women would say, “I could never let a man diddle around with my vagina. That would be creepy, because i don’t have sex with men.” The straight ones say, “I would never let a man diddle around with my vagina, unless he was my lover. Otherwise, that might be embarrassing, because i might get aroused.”

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April 13th, 2008

email, spam, Spambully

How Spammers Really Make Money

Whenever my email box fills up, I have to wonder: what are these spammers thinking? Do they really believe that anyone will click on that link to buy what they are selling? DO they not know they are among the most hated individuals in the history of humankind? Well why would they care, when this type of business is anonymous, and also virtually free to market? One thing I do know is, if i get another mail about the size of my penis I’m going to scream. But, you think, they MUST be making money. Someone MUST be clicking those links. Otherwise, why would they continue to do it?

Well hold on to your skippy knickers, gang. Most of the money made by spammers has little to do with you buying one of their products. Spammers can make plenty of money selling addresses they’ve gleaned from websites, various open proxy servers and open SMTP relays. That just means they get it through the same channels you get your email.

And spammers make money from all those pop-ups. Have you ever found yourself on a site that turns out to be a series of pop-up pages? It doesn’t matter that you close them. The spammers have already got what they need–it’s an “ad impression” which means the page was, theoretically, viewed by someone, and they get paid every time that happens.

Then there’s all the downright fraudulent spamming. I’m sure all of us has at one time or another gotten one of those pleas from some Nigerian representative, telling us they need to borrow someone’s account to deposit a large sum of money and in return, you will get paid a large fee for providing that account. If you fell for this, you deserve to lose your money. Sorry. But that’s just stupid. NEVER give out your information for a credit card or bank account to someone you don’t know. That doesn’t mean legit companies like your electric bill or phone bill sites. It means anytime you are ASKED for you information for any reason whatsoever, and you don’t know who the asker is, don’t do it. The fraud extends to all these pyramid schemes, chain letters, and any sort of multi-level marketing.

Another thing to watch out for are what is called pump-and-dump stock activities. You are encouraged via email to buy a penny stock and when enough people do this, those who own this stock then sell it while the price is high. And you are left with…well, a stock worth a penny.

And don’t forget the bane of all inboxes: those who entreat you to try their product which will make your genitals perform better and/or look more impressive. These products are sold all the time, and when you buy them, IF you even receive them, they are usually sugar pills or something else that does nothing to achieve your goal. And how can they continue to do this so voluminously? No one is going to report them for selling them a product that did not make their wee-wee bigger. It’s just too embarrassing. And do i have to mention that if you go to porn sites, you must never allow any site to talk you into downloading their special software so you can view the porn? Those are usually dialers, and they will sit unnoticed on your system and dial 900 numbers until you get your phone bill. Then you will not want to explain to the phone company that “no, that was not you calling porn lines…” They won’t believe you, and you will probably be too embarrassed to do that either. You’ll just be stuck with the bill.

Remember, when the sites you do legitimate business with ask you for verification and secret question answers, it’s to protect your account or card information from getting stolen so that someone can run that up too.

One more thing: Don’t EVER hit the unsubscribe link in one of these emails. This just verifies your email as accurate, and it will end up on even more spamming lists.

If you follow these guidelines, and also use the proper anti-virus and anti-spyware programs, while simply deleting unwanted mail, you’ll have a better chance of avoiding catastrophic financial problems as well as the annoyance of more spam. I recommend using AVG products for spyware and virus protection, as they don’t slow down your system, and they are very effective-as well as free. And buy Spambully for your outlook program. It’s the best for that.

Good luck, and don’t be a chump.

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April 11th, 2008

annoying people, RELATIONSHIPS, self-awareness

The Unbearable Lightness of Being Unbearable

No matter how many times it happens, I am still chagrined by the onslaught of those who don’t seem to understand what mature behavior is. Even something as simple as being sensitive to the feelings of others, or having some kind of grip on self-awareness, seems to be an unreachable goal to so many people. For instance, if someone tells you how something you’re doing is making them feel, it’s not the mark of maturity to tell them their feelings are silly and dismiss them. And if you’ve had a grand total of one relationship in your entire adult life, you are not considered an authority on how to behave in one. And when someone is trying to help you, it’s also not a good idea to scream at them to mind their own business and read them the riot act for ten solid minutes while not letting them get a word in edge-wise; and then add insult to injury when you discover you were completely over-reacting, and making assumptions that simply weren’t true, foisting your own unresolved issues on them as scapegoat, but not offer any kind of apology once this comes to light.

Yet there are still those out there who seem oblivious to this truth. It’s a shame we have to invest in them to any degree before discovering the depth of their…shallowness.

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April 11th, 2008

Boarzilla

This is unbelievable. And I don’t believe it. I know how to use Photoshop too.
It’s like Jurassic Park or something.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) – Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone’s trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

Hogzilla originally was thought to weigh 1,000 pounds and measure 12 feet in length. National Geographic experts who unearthed its remains believe the animal actually weighed about 800 pounds and was 8 feet long.

Regardless of the comparison, Jamison is reveling in the attention over his pig, which has a Web site put up by his father— http://www.monsterpig.com —that is generating Internet buzz.

“It feels really good,” Jamison, of Pickensville, said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.”

Jamison, who killed his first deer at age 5, was hunting with father Mike Stone and two guides in east Alabama on May 3 when he bagged Hogzilla II. He said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50- caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.

Through it all there was the fear that the animal would turn and charge them, as wild boars have a reputation of doing.

“I was a little bit scared, a little bit excited,” said Jamison, who just finished the sixth grade on the honor roll at Christian Heritage Academy, a small, private school.

His father said that, just to be extra safe, he and the guides had high-powered rifles aimed and ready to fire in case the beast with 5- inch tusks decided to charge.

With the pig finally dead in a creek bed on the 2,500-acre Lost Creek Plantation, a commercial hunting preserve in Delta, trees had to be cut down and a backhoe brought in to bring Jamison’s prize out of the woods.

It was hauled on a truck to the Clay County Farmers Exchange in Lineville, where Jeff Kinder said they used his scale, which was recently calibrated, to weigh the hog.

Kinder, who didn’t witness the weigh-in, said he was baffled to hear the reported weight of 1,051 pounds because his scale—an old, manual style with sliding weights—only measures to the nearest 10.

“I didn’t quite understand that,” he said.

Mike Stone said the scale balanced one notch past the 1,050-pound mark, and he thought it meant a weight of 1,051 pounds.

“It probably weighed 1,060 pounds. We were just afraid to change it once the story was out,” he said.

The hog’s head is now being mounted on an extra-large foam form by Jerry Cunningham of Jerry’s Taxidermy in Oxford. Cunningham said the animal measured 54 inches around the head, 74 inches around the shoulders and 11 inches from the eyes to the end of its snout.

“It’s huge,” he said. “It’s just the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Mike Stone is having sausage made from the rest of the animal. “We’ll probably get 500 to 700 pounds,” he said.

Jamison, meanwhile, has been offered a small part in “The Legend of Hogzilla,” a small-time horror flick based on the tale of the Georgia boar. The movie is holding casting calls with plans to begin filming in Georgia.

Jamison is enjoying the newfound celebrity generated by the hog hunt, but he said he prefers hunting pheasants to monster pigs.

“They are a little less dangerous.”

___

On the Net:

http://www.monsterpig.com

http://www.thelegendofhogzillathemovie.com

—

Associated Press writer Jay Reeves in Birmingham contributed to this report

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April 10th, 2008

Food For Thought: Veganism

I would HATE EATING if i could not have some meat every now and then. (again, a joy-sucker to deprive myself of simple pleasures). I think the “meat-eaters” they study to bolster their claim that veganism is healthier, are the ones that eat meat with every meal, and this includes things like HAMBURGERS from McDonald’s. (if you haven’t seen the documentary Supersize Me, please do. It will spin your head around.)

But, For those of us that eat boiled or broiled or baked chicken breast, seafood, and lean red meat periodically, it has NOT been shown to be harmful. The trick is in balance–as in most things. Moderation is the key. Too much meat or exclusively vegan are extremes on a spectrum.

The other issue is that these extremes tend to lead to militant behavior overall. Many vegans are so patronizing and judgmental. And their entire cosmology seems to reek of EXTREMES. Often, vegans look SICK. They often smell funny to me, and need i mention that certain areas of the anatomy has the overwhelming scent of broccoli? Mmm…perhaps a metabolic imbalance? Also, they are forever weak and over-taxed. Their skin is dull and gray, the shine goes out of their eyes, they are bone-thin, emaciated. Their diet also seems to fling them into some weird mental state.

One of my friends dated a vegan who once made her stop the car so she could chase a fox through the woods because she was sure it was responsible for her missing cat. I think the psychological things at play here might have been a bit more insidious…she was probably chasing the fox out of some repressed instinct to hunt for meat….but that’s just a guess.

I think the jury’s still out on how HEALTHY veganism really is, even though on the surface, it seems to be good for us. We have to define what KIND of healthy we want to be.

We are here to enjoy what life has to offer, and to me the sense of deprivation in the variety of my food is not worth the minimal increase in health. I get a balance of all the good stuff and i take supplements and i stay away from high fat and sugar. So it’s a personal choice, but not one that should be foisted on everyone else. And veganism can suck the joy out of life in many ways.

For me, variety is the spice of life, and balance and moderation in all things is the healthiest, overall, place to be. I think that’s actually the ultimate goal for us as a species…to learn how to be balanced. And i believe that while we should live and let live, that we’re at the top of the food chain (so far) and that these plants and some animals were put here for our own sustenance. While scientific data seems, at first glance, to indicate that a PROPER vegan diet is healthier for us, I’m not convinced, because i do find other studies to contradict that. Just like with the Supersize Me documentary, extremes on overindulgence, as well as extremes on underindulgence, are EQUALLY bad choices. My opinion.

Here’s something to consider:

The late Mahatma Gandhi devoted much of his life to the advocacy of strict vegetarian diet, and for years he experimented on his own body to find a suitable selection of plant foods on which to sustain health.

But all attempts were failures. In 1929, Gandhi and 22 companions went on a diet consisting of a limited selection of uncooked plant foods. Whereas the diet worked out well for a time and led to marked improvement in consumptive cases, it failed to prove adequate on a long-range sustenance basis. One by one Gandhi’s companions were forced to depart from the diet, and Gandhi himself had to add goat milk to his fare in order to regain health.

“For my companions I have been a blind guide leading the blind,” declared Gandhi after the experiment was over. Gandhi still felt, however, that “the hidden possibilities of the innumerable seeds, leaves and fruits” of the earth could be explored and found to provide mankind with adequate nourishment. He never stopped trying to experiment along these lines, but he always had to turn back to goat milk to regain his strength.

In the end he had to acknowledge the necessity for animal food. In 1946 he declared: “The crores of India today get neither milk nor ghee nor butter, nor even buttermilk. No wonder that mortality figures are on the increase and there is a lack of energy in the people. It would appear as if man is really unable to sustain life without either meat or milk and milk products. Anyone who deceives people in this regard or countenances the fraud is an enemy of India.”

These are strong words from a man who devoted most of his life to the search for a satisfactory vegetarian diet. But Gandhi’s experience is not unique in the field of nutrition. Many others have also gone through the experience of believing that man could thrive exclusively upon a limited selection of uncooked plant foods, only to find in the end that animal products were necessary for sustenance. ….

And vegan diets for children? forget about it. They need meat in their diet in order to develop properly. Why wouldn’t that matter after we are adults too?

In another study of five families on a vegan diet, these were the results:

# 55% reported loss of muscle and muscle tone on the diet
# 55% also report difficulty staying warm, a thyroid problem
# 59% are plagued with food cravings
# A whopping 67% report scattered thinking.
# 46% feel they are looking older than they should.
# 54% feel run down, chronically tired.
59% don’t feel like exercising or working on the diet.

Guess you could call this FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

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April 10th, 2008

Armchair Detective, attributions, cadence, WRITING, WRITING CRAFT

He Said/She Said–Attributions in Fiction

When you deal with a lengthy work like a novel, there are opportunities galore to repeat yourself, and being lazy about attributions is a good example of that.

Remember, it doesn’t help to change “she said” to “she exclaimed” as a means of beefing up your writing, although in moderation, that can be fine. Repeating the attribution “said” or finding a synonym for “said” is an example of a rank amateur whose writing is rank. In these cases, leave the attribution out altogether. If your dialogue is arranged properly, your reader should always know who’s speaking, with only a few strategically placed attributions. Sometimes, you can leave the attribution in, if it seems to flow best that way, but as a general rule, place action there instead. The old caveat is still true: Show. Don’t tell.

Here’s an example of being careful not to overuse the attribution “Said,” from my novel Armchair Detective:

She held her cup and saucer in the palm of her hand and crossed one shapely leg over the other. The black pump on her foot began to sway lightly from side to side. I caught her eyes and smiled innocently, having a sip of the fresh ground coffee. It wasn’t as good as Phoebe’s.

“Now then. What sort of arrangement did you have in mind?”

I fought back my reaction to the innuendos that had been present in each sentence uttered by this woman since I came to the door, and instead took another steadying breath. “It looks as though my finances are. . .a bit strained. I’d like to be honest about it. You see, I had to buy tires for my car, since my job requires a good deal of driving.”

“What sort of work do you do?”

Great. I hate this question. There’s no way to legitimize a career of throwing things in people’s driveways from a moving car. “I have a paper route.”

She pursed her lips. “Quaint.”

I resisted the urge to toss my coffee in her face. “I was wondering if maybe you and I could work something out.”

A grin slithered onto Porsha’s lips only briefly. “Perhaps.” She sipped prissily from the china.

I could probably float a loan from Phoebe, but it didn’t feel like an option. Not one I was comfortable with. “I’d like to settle it by putting up some collateral.”

“What sort of collateral is that, Ms. O’Brien?” She sat with her back straight, as if the back of the sofa had daggers protruding from it.

“I thought I would give you the title to my car until I can pay you the back-rent, if that would be okay.” I sat back against the sofa, daggers-be-damned, and sipped my coffee. The cup felt paper-thin in my hands and I was afraid I’d shatter it if I didn’t pay attention to my grip.

“Your car?”

“The Falcon, yes.”

“Now what would I do with that silly old thing?”

“You may not care for the car, Ms. Pemberton, but it is worth the amount I owe you. If I default, you would have the title and could sell it at current market value, and I would of course vacate the property so you could rent it again.”

Porsha placed her cup and saucer on the glass table and considered me with a thoughtful sigh. Again, her eyes trailed over me, and her tongue painted moisture across her upper lip. “I’ve an idea. I haven’t had dinner yet. Why don’t you prepare dinner for me at your place, and we’ll discuss it further?”

A frown tickled my brow and was gone. “Dinner? You want to come over for dinner? To my trailer?”

“Why not? I have no other social engagements this evening, and we really must settle this as soon as possible.”

I shifted slightly, resting the cup securely in the saucer for fear I’d drop it. “What do you want?”

“Pardon?”

“For dinner.”

“Oh,” she smiled victoriously. “I’m sure whatever you offer me will be delicious.”

I took a final drink of coffee and stood. “Okay. I’ll expect you around seven?”

“Fabulous.” Porsha rose and I set my cup down across from hers. She went to the door to show me out. “I’ll look forward to it,” she murmured.

I cleared my throat and smiled. “Good-bye, Ms. Pemberton.”

Porsha used the door as if it was a fainting couch. “Porsha. Call me Porsha.”

I smiled again. “Porsha.” I followed the cobblestone walkway to the Falcon and got in, pausing to stare at the condo.

Well, this is going to be a barrel of freakin’ monkeys, I can tell.

Readers understand when there is dialogue, complete with quotes around it, that already indicates someone is saying something. No need to belabor the point by adding he said, she said at every line. I noticed that John Grisham does this to an alarming degree and it can be incredibly distracting. On any given page with 11 or 12 lines of dialogue, Grisham will use “said” as the attribution 10 of those times. And I also noticed things like “he said aloud” being used. Now when you “say” something , it is a sure bet that it’s ALOUD. Saying, indicates aloud, so this is superfluous. That’s like saying someone laughed with a chuckle. It’s also disheartening, because a well-known successful writer should never be guilty of irritating the reader with such elementary oversights.

Another aggravation is when a fiction writer begins sentences with same word. It gets irritating for the reader. Plus, it pegs you as incapable of finding the melody and cadence in your writing. . . instead, alter the sentence structure so that you can put that repetitive word elsewhere, or exchange it, or remove it altogether. While checking for the aforementioned stylistic faux pas, it’s a good time to work with melody and cadence; make sure you vary the length of your sentences for the right effect.

Again, Grisham is guilty of this repetitive word thing. Now, while I think Grisham is a great writer as far as the stories he tells and keeping them interesting, there’s just no sense in negating that aspect with a slew of other stylistic errors which serve to water down the impact of those great stories. Not that I’m picking on John Grisham, but I just happen to be reading his book and he just happens to have several examples in it of what not to do as a conscientious writer. And it’s important that we don’t deify writers so much that we overlook the errors that make them just as human as we are. Perhaps that’s the downside of being an established writer, it’s easy to stop being so judicious and mindful about style. But for the rest of us, who aren’t under a contract, we have to continue to pay attention to these things because they will hopefully one day make a difference in getting that beloved contract.

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April 7th, 2008

gender-confusion, ISO (In Search Of), lesbians

Lesbians: Art Does not Imitate Life

Excerpted from my book,
ISO (in Search Of):
The Art of Dating, Relationships & Sex for the Discerning Lesbian

Any Lesbian who is currently single knows that it’s often a great deal less romantic to be unattached than the media would have us believe. Many of us would love to hang out with the kinds of women we see on the L-Word, yet in the Lesbian Community, this is often not an option. Sophisticated, feminine lesbians are simply not the norm, overall. Most of the actresses who play those roles are in fact, heterosexual. I have frequently been chagrined by this. In all of Hollywood, they could not find a cast of feminine, sophisticated lesbians to play those roles? In this case, it seems that art does not imitate life. It warrants consideration.

Are lesbians primarily less feminine than straight women? I suspect the answer to that is a resounding “Yes.” Are masculine lesbians a product of brainwashing — that in romance there must be two opposite roles-one feminine, one masculine? Most Likely. . .

At the risk of being politically incorrect, [*a concept i reject] I must say that I find it disturbing that so many Lesbians feel it necessary to mimic men. A Lesbian, by definition, doesn’t want to be with a man and is a woman who loves women, in the romantic sense. In a very real way, then, masculinity in gay women is a contradiction. It is patently unnecessary to become manly in order to be with another woman. The need to be “manly” then, can sometimes be about gender-confusion, and not about being lesbian. This stance may be offensive to some, but indeed, I could say that I am offended by how easily some lesbians dismiss the beauty and power in themselves by diluting it with masculinity.

So often I hear lesbians complaining about being stereotyped by the world at large. My suggestion is that if you don’t wish to be a stereotype, don’t act like one.

In the novels I write, I portray women as feminine or at least a lipstick lesbian, but rarely as dykes or otherwise manly females (which is, intrinsically, an oxymoron). I have been accused of catering to straight men or merely “selling out” by doing this, and yet, I find this assessment myopic, contradictory and just plain silly. I love women, because they are women. I love the feminine form. I am attracted to the quintessential qualities that make women FEMALE. If I wanted to be with a man, I would be straight. So this whole outrage based on my supposed treason against Sapphic love, strikes me as absurd.

Why do you suppose that most straight women who experiment with lesbianism, pursue gay women who are manly? It’s a comfort zone, that’s why. They are not straying too terribly far from being with a man.

The most attractive women, to me, are the ones who are androgynous. I use that term loosely, and colloquially, because the actual definition is way more severe and limiting than the context in which I use it. Androgyny, by its original definition, means ambiguous in gender. Genderless, almost. Like the “Pat” character on Saturday Night Live. You can’t tell if the person is male or female. The way I mean it is more like a woman who blends, in a harmonious fashion, the traits of both male and female, to create a balanced person. This means the woman looks like a woman, but can hammer a nail, ride a motorcycle, or be assertive, all without losing her essential womanliness.

A great fictional character that exemplifies this would be Xena, the Warrior Princess from television. She was strong, capable, assertive, loving, loyal, always looked fabulous and feminine. Even when she was cutting someone’s throat. . .

I desperately want another term to describe strong, feminine lesbians.

HOMOgenized Female. . .hmmm.

Fembian. MMM.

Sapphian.

It occurred to me that epicene meant having the characteristics of both genders, blended. So how about Femepicene? (fem-ep-uh-seen).

So women who are Femepicene are those most likely to get my attention. I can’t speak for every other gay woman.

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April 7th, 2008

Biscuit, cats, conversations, HUMOR

Conversations With my Cats–#1 in a series

So i sat down in my desk chair, and biscuit comes up, with her feather-duster tail conducting some silent orchestra, and i pet her. She lets me do that now, more than she did before. But then she eventually pulls away. “See?’ I say to her. “You realize it’s not so bad to have that affection, but you still can’t help it. I don’t know where that comes from because i’ve had you since you were an itty bitty kitty, and you’ve always been safe and nothing bad has ever happened to you. So i guess it’s about that nature versus nurture thing, huh, Biscuit? Your genetics make you just a little fucked up. And that’s okay, because you’re not my biological child.”

She made a sound that was like “yeah” and strolled away.

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April 5th, 2008

HUMOR

MMA: The Real Deal, though Homoerotic

A few years ago, i developed an interest in boxing. Watching it, not participating. But then, i came across the relatively new sport of MMA–Mixed Martial Arts. I mostly watch WrekCage, World Extreme Cagefighting (WEC) on Versus. It is the fastest growing sport in America, and its fans run the gamut of economic, social and ethnic demographics.

One of the first things i noticed–perhaps absurdly–was that the sport seemed overtly homo-erotic. Scantily clad men would wrestle with each other, their arms and legs entwined in often very sexual poses, and they could win the fight through techniques like “Submission” and “Rear Naked Choke.” And some of the clinches these guys wind up in, can be pretty entertaining.

All that silliness aside, it was easy to become a fan of this sport. I am most impressed with the degree to which these guys have to be athletes. I am convinced that they are among the most physically well-conditioned people on the planet. Maybe even THE most.

MMA has more dimensions than boxing. During a match, fighters can use kickboxing, wrestling, and regular boxing, as well as various martial arts, like Jiu Jitzu, Judo, Karate, Muay Thai (moy-tie). But these guys don’t wear those puffy gloves. They barely have any padding in the ones they do wear, and yet they stand toe to toe and smack each other with enough force to cause unconsciousness before they even hit the ground. Mostly, though, the sport is about skill and many times, few or no punches are even thrown. it all depends on the skill-set of each fighter and the dynamics of the fight.

There are 9 ways to win an MMA fight:

Knockout
Technical Knockout
Submission
Referee Stoppage
Doctor Stoppage
Corner Stoppage
Forfeit
Decision
Disqualification
No Contest

Fighters use striking and grappling techniques to conquer their opponent. And according to the URMMA,

1

3:46-24A.15 Fouls

(a) The following are fouls and will result in penalties if committed:
1. Butting with the head;
2. Eye gouging of any kind;
3. Biting or spitting at an opponent;
4. Hair pulling;
5. Fish hooking;
6. Groin attacks of any kind;
7. Intentionally placing a finger in any opponent�s orifice;
8. Downward pointing of elbow strikes;
9. Small joint manipulation;
10. Strikes to the spine or back of the head;
11. Heel kicks to the kidney;
12. Throat strikes of any kind;
13. Clawing, pinching, twisting the flesh or grabbing the clavicle;
14. Kicking the head of a grounded fighter;
15. Kneeing the head of a grounded fighter;
16. Stomping of a grounded fighter;
17. The use of abusive language in fighting area;
18. Any unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to opponent;
19. Attacking an opponent on or during the break;
20. Attacking an opponent who is under the referee�s care at the time;
21. Timidity (avoiding contact, or consistent dropping of mouthpiece, or faking an injury);
22. Interference from a mixed martial artists seconds;
23. Throwing an opponent out of the fighting area;
24. Flagrant disregard of the referee�s instructions;
25. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his or her head or neck.

Now this is what i would call an extreme sport, yet not at all foolish. When MMA first started in 1993 with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), there were injuries, but no more than in any other contact sport. John McCain, however, derided it as “human cockfighting,” spearheading legislation that kept the fights from being aired on Pay Per View, and even convinced some states to ban the sport altogether. Ironically, McCain is still a fan of boxing, though he was ringside when boxer Jimmy Garcia was killed in the ring, and also ironically, there are over a thousand documented deaths in boxing, and only 1 in MMA, Doug Dedge, who died in a Kiev hospital soon after an unsanctioned bout in Russia in 1998. But as the real story came to light, it seemed that Dedge also had a preexisting condition that probably exacerbated the likelihood of his demise. He had suffered from blackouts, temporary blindness, vertigo and other ailments, but refused to see a doctor. Those around him during this time stated that his condition seemed to have little to do with any injuries sustained during training and other bouts.

In 2001, when the regulatory bodies began to oversee the sport, after a few years hiatus, there were new fighters and the sport flew in under the radar again. Under The Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts Combat, it then became just as safe as any other sport, and in some ways, safer. Professional mixed martial artist John Rallo, said,

��it is honorable to tap in our sport. If you quit in a boxing match you may not fight again. Look at Roberto Duran after the “no mas” match with Ray Leonard. He was looked down upon and never regained his edge after that fight. A KO is not the only means of victory. The average boxer takes several hundred blows to the head in a winning performance. In MMA I have been in fights and not even taken one punch. If you take down your opponent and finish the fight on the ground you greatly reduce the chances of being KO’ed or even hit at all. Obviously there are injuries. This is a contact sport. But the injuries are no more severe then those suffered by collegiate wrestlers or football players.�

One thing i noticed after watching only about five bouts, was how many of the fighters seemed to have weird ears. I assumed it had to be a product of the constant grappling and punching they do. It soon became apparent that this was the proverbial “Cauliflower Ear,” only not the one mostly known in context of those who are talked to incessantly. It really is a condition. According to Wikipedia,

“Cauliflower ear (also hematoma auris or perichondrial hematoma) is a condition most common among wrestlers, rugby players, mixed martial artists, and boxers. If the external portion of the ear suffers a blow, a blood clot or other fluid may collect under the perichondrium. This separates the cartilage from the overlying perichondrium that is its source of nutrients, causing the cartilage to die. This leads to a formation of fibrous tissue in the overlying skin. When this happens, the outer ear becomes permanently swollen and deformed, thus resembling a cauliflower.”

I always wonder why anyone would want to engage in a sport that they knew was going to not only draw blood sometimes, but hurt like hell….but knowing that these guys go at it with copious amounts of training and preparation, and are familiar with what it entails, keeps me from in any way feeling sorry for them. And as a woman, it has the added entertainment of watching two men beat the crap out of each other. obviously, I’m not the only one. My fellow blogger, Maude, said,

“…then we watched WEC (World Extreme Cagefighting), which I’m embarrassed to say, I have been enjoying. I just have to ignore my feelings about the channel VS (on cable–all sports and sports related stuff like sports movies, etc.) because if I stop to think too long about it, it does remind me of everything I despise about machismo and the heteronormative sports culture that simply reinforces all that is fucked up in this world (prescribed gender roles, misogyny, violence, etc.), and yet I find all out brute ass-kicking in a cage entertaining. I don’t know what to say for myself. It’s embarrassing and troublesome on so many levels I just don’t even know where to begin.”

Neither do I, Maude, but we like it, so what the hell.

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April 4th, 2008

desperation, POLITICS & GOVERNMENT

Vicious Cycle: What No One Talks About

If my ear falls off, I have my friend, Justice Harlow, to thank. But I wouldn’t trade our conversations for the world (nor her).

In a recent conversation, we began talking about politics. I’m a registered Independent, and she’s a registered Democrat, though i think she’s probably really an Independent too, she just hasn’t changed the paperwork. She shared her perspectives on our current elections and the candidates, and why the surface of things isn’t always what we ought to be looking at. Nor should we turn a blind eye to making decisions we didn’t think we’d make, just because it’s associated with a party we always vote for. Her insight was, as always, edifying, and I felt, also important for people to have access to. So this is the content of what we discussed, along with some research and knowledge of my own.

Here’s the very definition of a vicious cycle:

John Q. Public struggles to make ends meet, especially since the housing market has crashed, and his mortgage is so expensive. He loses his job again, and thank god he can go to the pawn shop and the check cashers loan place to get by until he’s employed again.

But when John goes to the check cashing place, he finds that they are going out of business and can’t rewrite the loan because it’s now been made non-lucrative by recent legislation for these busineses to operate. He finds the same problem with the pawn shop. This new legislation was ostensibly created to help the average person, but it accomplishes the opposite by hyperfocusing on the supposed unfairness of the business, when it is that business that was keeping many Americans afloat. Are we to also pretend that these check-loan and pawn shop places are not supposed to profit? Isn’t that what business is about?

So, John Q. goes home despondent because he doesn’t know where he’s going to get the money to survive. And this is what no one talks about.

Now, the same thing is happening to other John and Jane Q.’s, and they might be in more dire financial shape than the first one. They might be willing to do something drastic to support their families. Let’s call one of them Michael Q. Public. Michael Q. has become so desperate that decides he needs to do some breaking and entering to get some money. He already knows the pawn shops aren’t buying because of other recent legislation, and so he can no longer find things of value to sell, and must go for the cash. He breaks into John Q.’s house, and when John Q. hears something and comes down to check it out, he is confronted by this desperate Michael Q. Michael then demands money and John says he doesn’t have any cash in the house. So Michael takes him hostage, making him drive to the ATM so he can withdraw money to give to Michael. Then, of course, he’s been seen, and so he has to kill John, because he doesn’t want any witnesses. No one talks about this.

So, while John’s family is learning that their beloved husband and father has just been killed, Michael continues his crime spree, because now, he has nothing to lose. He is eventually recruited by a drug dealer, because he is told he can make guaranteed income. This is also the appeal to Michael’s younger brother, who would rather join him in that business, than flip burgers at McDonald’s for minimum wage. And this is also what no one talks about.

Mrs. John Q., meanwhile, is dealing with overwhelming grief and financial devastation, and can’t file bankruptcy because she and her husband had to do that five years ago during another of his layoffs. She has no hope of paying the mortgage, and she and her children are either homeless, or forced to move in with her mother. And this is what no one talks about.

Down the street from Mrs. John Q. Public (widow), resides Sally Q. Public, a single woman in her 30′s. She has been offered a job in another state, and has to take it, because she fears she is about to lose her job at the bank, and she only has her own income to depend on. Since there’s a crunch in defaulted loans, many banks are closing, and the work grapevine has informed her that her boss is about to hire a bi-lingual employee to take her place, since bank employees are now required to be bi-lingual. The new hire is also willing to take less pay. So with joblessness looming, she had to put her house on the market in anticipation of her move to another state for a different job.

Sally Q. doesn’t have much time left, and must sell her home, or lose her new job opportunity, while also losing her previous one. She has had a slew of potential buyers, but none of them will offer her a fair price. They all want to pay $70k for her $150k house. Then, she receives an offer from an African American couple, who will pay $100k. She feels this is her best chance to sell and get herself relocated and re-employed. But her neighbors have begun to complain to her that she is selling to a minority, and it will drive their property values even farther down, and they want her to hold out for a “white” couple. She simply can’t afford to care. On a larger scale, Sally understands this is what will happen in America with business too. Businesses may not want to sell to that Saudi investor, but they have to accept the price he’s offering, as the business is going under. And this is what no one talks about.

Added to this circuitous but firmly connected set of realities, is the ongoing news from the medical community that most people can expect to live to well past the age of 100, and that those in their mid-thirties might even reach 150. According to a special report by Barbara Walters* we are all living longer. I was surprised to learn that there are currently over 84,000 centenarians in the United States, and that by the time the Baby Booomer generation reaches that age, there will be over a million.

Sounds hopeful. Especially to someone like me who always feels there will never be enough days in my life to accommodate all I want to do and learn experience. But there’s a dark side.

When the Social Security system was set up, men were living into their 70′s and women to their 80′s; now they live into 80′s and 90′s, respectively. The Social Security our mothers were depending on is being spread very thin, already. And much of it is now going to the immigrants programs, which means people in that age-group will vote for McCain, because Republicans are notorious for allowing and encouraging thriving business, and for giving businesses tax breaks because they take on the liability of all those who don’t own one. And these businesses have the pensions that senior citizens depend on. If the businesses go under, however, those pensions and health care and Social Security goes under too. The Democrats, meanwhile, are notorious for pushing all the social help programs that undermine the Social Security system. Our grandparents and elderly parents and friends and siblings will be rendered destitute if they even dare vote democratic. Voting republican for them, is a matter of financial survival.

My friend Justice Harlow says, “I own some stocks, but I’m not rich. The companies that I invest in are owned by Republicans. Do I want to take money away from big business and republicans when that means I will lose everything–my 401k will be worthless because stocks will fall? And I’m not even a Republican. But I might be switching parties if this continues. Your 401k is not in ‘Johnny’s Quick Stop’ down the street. It’s in big oil and Google, and pharmaceuticals, and other big businesses.”

When all the bleeding heart liberals out there succeed in undermining every support for business, then all the Greenpeacers and ecological militants will be very happy, Harlow says, “Everything will be green because all that will be left is grass.”

On a personal note, If the guy who owns the house I live in, who’s a business owner a builder, goes under, I might be living in my car. It’s biting the hand that feeds me, to encourage or otherwise support restrictions on Big Business. Harlow elaborates, “If you don’t own a company that employs you, it implies that someone else owns it. If you don’t kill the cow that made the steak you eat for dinner, then that implies someone else raised it, killed it, and sent the meat to market. Down with big business, means you don’t eat, and you don’t have a place to live. Businesses don’t employ you because they think you’re a lovely person, they are in it to make money. They need those tax breaks and incentives.”

She gave a further example of the Nissan plant in the delta of Grenada, MS which created 5000 jobs that was instrumental in getting all those folks out of the welfare system. Those people were able to buy homes and cars, and become consumers, and that helped the economy and many more things, all the way down to better roads. “The Republicans are the ones who want to help business, ” Harlow says. “The Democrats want to cut all that out and give it to people who don’t work.” Further, she added another metaphor to the equation: “If a cat comes to your door and cries, and you feed it, it comes back every day to eat. And if you move away, the cat might die. But more likely, it will catch field mice and rabbits and rummage through trash–do whatever it had to do to survive. Likewise, if welfare women couldn’t refer to their newborns as ‘another check’ and were instead forced to work for a living, the problems this creates would dissipate.”

I agree, that the survival instinct is pretty strong. And we ought to be calling on that part of our humanity, rather than the newly evolved instinct to freeload. The ‘haves’ and the ‘have-nots’ used to be the poor and the rich. Now it’s the ‘haves and haves,’ and the have-nots are in the middle–the middle class.

This leads me to one of my most cogent and shocking personal conclusions. McCain may be stupid about the war and stupid about the economy, but if he’s in office, the Republican Machine will still operate all around him, and this will keep big business alive and keep us, by extension, able to live our lives without fear of losing our livelihoods, our health care, our homes, and our sanity.

Instead, what we see happening now is the outsourcing of jobs, ill-conceived trade paradigms, and an immigration policy that has served only to destroy our economy, the job-market, and our Social Security System. The murmurs of “recession” are incorrect, in my mind. I not only think we are firmly entrenched in recession right now, but I think we’re headed for a full-fledged Depression. And this leads to even more failure in a chain of events predicated on one-dimensional, surface-thinking.

We stand a very real chance of being bought out by other countries. As Harlow reminded me: “Just like the Indians bought up London in the 70′s, they’ll do that here, because our dollar is becoming worthless. Now rich Middle Eastern businessmen take over our trade routes, and our major companies. They will have dual citizenships, and be able to vote.” This takeover, Harlow believes, as do I, will be in the financial and investment sector, and–frighteningly–in government. This is also what no one talks about. Terrorism from within. Recall the old caveat, A House divided against itself will fall ?

So this vicious cycle is something no one talks about. But our silence, in this case, really does equal death. Before long, desperation will be the order of the day and we will no longer be a country of, for, and by the people, but a country of, for, and by the whim of other wiser governments who also have the resources to do whatever they please.

Forget about the global climate change, an asteroid hitting the earth, Old Faithful in Yellowstone erupting, a terrorist attack, or even nuclear war. America will be destroyed from within by its own policies and its own inability to do what needs to be done for fear of stepping on some toes and hurting some feelings.

Good luck with that.

———————————
*Live to 150, Can You Do It? Secrets to Living Longer With Barbara Walters

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April 4th, 2008

Moratorium on ” i “

i’m declaring Jihad on capital ” i’s “….okay, maybe just a moratorium.

i can’t seem to type them with any regularity. They always come out in lower case.

Maybe it’s subliminal indication that i don’t think too highly of myself.

signed,

KELLI JAE BAELI

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April 2nd, 2008

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, HUMOR, POLITICS & GOVERNMENT, video

Hillary in Bosnia

I like Hillary, and intend to vote for her, but this was just too funny not to post.

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April 2nd, 2008

bad customer service, communication

Politically Incorrect Kevlar

I keep hearing from friends about how bad the job market is. Some of them are struggling to find work, and they have found that there are some jobs they can’t get, thought they are qualified. You know why? Because nowadays, many jobs are off limits unless you are bi-lingual. Banks are a good example of this.

Now, lets think: isn’t this BACKWARDS? I feel it is. I think it is the antithesis of how things should operate. If someone from another country who speaks another language, comes to the US, they are the ones who should be bi-lingual. I shouldn’t have to learn another language, in order to find certain employment, as I am not in another country. I am in America, and our national language is ENGLISH. This problem has had a domino effect and has undermined service industries, the worst of which we see n certain service industries. Like customer service, via telephone. When you call for help on any number of services from your cable, to your credit card, to your Pay Pal account, haven’t you noticed that it’s almost always someone with a thick foreign accent who is there to help you? Who among us, has not had to deal with the language barrier of a customer service rep who isn’t fluent in English? Nine times out of ten, i have to ask for them to transfer me to someone else, hoping to get someone i can understand and who can understand me. inevitably, I get cut off during the transfer, and have to call back, or i get connected to someone else of another nationality whom I cannot understand, and who can’t understand me.

Now, if we say something about this, we are dubbed racist. This is what i mean by Political Correctness being counter-productive. It’s not about the color of anyone’s skin. I don’t judge people by that. Normally, i judge them individually, by their behavior; by their character. And this service industry problem doesn’t’ even have anything to do with THAT. It has to do with the need for clear communication. Which we can’t have if those who immigrate to this country are not expected to LEARN THE LANGUAGE. It makes no sense for English speaking natives to suffer because of this. This is Reverse Discrimination.

So, now, I’m putting on my Kevlar vest,
in anticipation of the aspersions that
will soon be firing in my direction
for being such a racist.

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