Archive for August, 2009

Cherryot Gymnastics


Storage trip update from Saturday.
So, I’m standing on top of my Cherryot, 1 applying bungees to things I wish I didn’t own, and I’m being careful to step only on the reinforced areas of the roof, and avoid the sunroof entirely, when my foot slipped.

Now, I was wearing my Sketchers which are really comfortable to take my nightly walks in. But I discovered, rudely, that they don’t have um…much…traction. At least not on top of the Cherryot.

So in that surreal, slow-motion movie moment kind of way, I began to fall, feet first, sliding down the side…not so bad, really. I could have slipped and fallen backward and landed on my back. So As my feet are striking the ground, i am at the wrong angle, and I just lunge forward…not in a dive-roll, like I did that time in Colorado Springs 8 years ago, on my apartment stairs…that was truly inspired, and of Olympic quality—no, this fall was awkward. I landed on my feet first, then my knees and hands…skidding ever so slightly.

You want to know the first thing i thought after that? I mean, I was feeling pain already, and I had just recovered from a ruptured disc in my neck a few short months ago…but you know what my first thought was?

I hope no one saw that.

(My friend Tanya said that’s called “Pride goeth AFTER a fall.”)

I actually looked around quickly to see if anyone was about. I would have bled a few extra drops, just so I could take the time to make sure no one saw me do something so patently ungraceful.

The second thing i did was assess the damage. After realizing I could still stand up and was mobile, the next thing i noticed was that I had a nasty splinter in my fuck-you finger. I don’t know when that happened.

I went back to work on storage, but knew that i was done for the day. I had to wrap it all up and come back later to do anything i was planning to do then.

So when I finally got home, I groaned my way out of the Cherryot, knowing I was not going to unload that stuff this time. It could wait until tomorrow. My joints and muscles hurt more than the minor scrapes to my knees and palms. I was just going to stick a French Bread pizza in the oven, take a hot shower and ibuprofen, put peroxide and triple antibiotic on my wounds, wrap up my wrists for support, ice my back, and just lie down and read.

And that’s what I did.

Until now, of course, when i could no longer resist coming over here and writing something.

__________________________
1 the nickname i gave my red Blazer

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Moving Back into the Closet, Cursing.

*This is transferred from Facebook for reasons that will be clear toward the bottom. This is another fine example of why i keep saying I am Pariah, many times over.

_______________

Jae Baeli

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m going to have to go back in the closet with my atheism, at least on facebook and on my main blog. I’m trying to find dates and a partner, and everyone is so brainwashed, they prejudge you based on that, before they even get to know you. My odds are already dismally low by being gay, among other things. Non-belief is the new GAY.


Victoria Bard
Victoria Bard
no closets! You are who you are and you are fabulous as is! “What people think of you is none of your business” so I’ve heard from someone over 90 (who’s name I now forget…). and hey, I didn’t prejudge you, now did I? So you can’t say ‘everyone’ LOL…keep on keepin’ on, I’d say… Have a great day!
Brian Cunningham
Brian Cunningham
I feel your pain Jae!! That’s unbelievable in this era of ‘tolerance!’
Tanya Gotcher
This is why I don’t get into discussions about religion very often. (Sigh) I’m tired of hearing how wrong I am and I’m destined for Hell. The last thing I need is a bunch of Bible bangers trying to save me. I think I’m more agnostic though, cuz I just haven’t made up my mind what’s out there and who, if anything.. I’m gonna be like W.C. Fields, on my death bed I’ll be “looking for loopholes” just in case.
Mickey Losey
Mickey Losey
I’d be interested in how they are so sure that theirs is the only correct measure.

Tanya Gotcher

Heard it all before. Bores me so I just don’t go there.

Jae Baeli
Jae Baeli
I appreciate all of you chiming in–especially so fast! Thanks. But here’s the deal…(And I’m sure it’ll go in the book when i write more about this). I was proud to have come to the conclusion that I am a non-believer. Just like I was proud when i came to the conclusion that i was gay. It put things in perspective and gave me my power back. But sadly, there still are a MAJORITY of people in this nation, who have preconceived notions just like i did WHEN I WAS A CHRISTIAN about who atheists are. I would not have anything to do with one either. So i get it, from that viewpoint, though that viewpoint is based on lies. So i know that if i ever hope to find a partner, or even a date, they will have to get to know the other parts of me first, and then decide. Then if they have an idea of who i am on a personal level, and not just a word on a page, they will be less likely to eject me. Becuase some of their misconceptions will then be brought to light more naturally.
52 minutes ago ·
Jae Baeli
Jae Baeli
I HATE that i have to do this–in this day and age–but I do. I do NOT want to be alone the rest of my life.
52 minutes ago · Delete
Brian Cunningham
Brian Cunningham
I hear you Jae, and I genuinely feel for you….
Brian Cunningham
Brian Cunningham
I guess it’s like conceding a battle to win a war.
Jae Baeli
Jae Baeli
Yes, Brian, that’s exactly what it is!! Very succinctly put. (succinct is sometimes a challenge for me)…but That’s what I’m saying.
Brian Cunningham
Brian Cunningham
Anyway, want to wish you luck in your choice Jae (if you believe in luck! ). I wish people in 2009 wouldn’t be so damn judgemental…
Tanya Gotcher
Humans are always going to need to validate themselves which includes their beliefs. Unfortunately, they way most do this is by judging others harshly in comparison to themselves, which, I guess, in some warped way, bolsters them. We have this strange need to point at and criticize everything that is different from us. I don’t understand why so many view difference as threatening. If you know who you are and like who you are, then why bother with all that? Why does anyone have to be “right”? Maybe we all are and none of us are.
Tanya Gotcher
And, hey Brian, don’t get me and Jae on the whole “luck” thing, right, Jae? LOL!

Tanya Gotcher
“there will be an answer, let it be.”
Jae Baeli
Jae Baeli
Oh Please! The luck thing…Tan, you know that’s in line as a book to be written. I will be consulting you. And quoting you.
Jae Baeli
Jae Baeli
Now, i will probably remove this post for the same reason I was complaining about IN THE POST ITSELF. But will repost on Supernatural Hypocrisy blog, which will now be the only place i will publicly discuss my non-belief.
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Stored Memory


Yesterday, i went to Colorado Springs to start dealing with the storage i have there. It’s been percolating there for 7 years. Odd, how so much of it i didn’t even recall having. Not that i remembered after i saw it–i mean, i saw it and still didn’t remember having it.
Weirdness.

The first surprise was when i opened the door. For those of you my age and older, you might think “Fibber McGee’s closet…” For the rest of you, I’m not sure what analogy you’d think of. But i needed a heavy duty shoehorn to start getting that stuff out.

The second surprise was how, all these years, i pictured it as a bigger room, and not packed so tight. Like i expected to be able to just walk in without moving anything. Funny, how our minds superimpose ideas that aren’t even accurate. That’s why eye witnesses are considered the most unreliable testimony.

Picking through it, i had to open boxes to see what was in them, and it was very much like xmas. I didn’t know what i was going to find, and sometimes it was a pleasant surprise. Things i had forgotten, things that engendered good memories, things that made me maudlin. Photographs, bedding, art, books, my handwritten journals. All of it gave me some kind of emotion.

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Must-Reads for Modern Fiction & Non-Fiction

[cross-posted from my other blogs, due to some content being atheistic in nature]

*I present my list (which continues to get larger) of books I feel are more than worth the time to read…these are based on my own opinions and preferences, and yours may vary. But check them out just in case there’s a gem in there for you.1. One Door Away From Heaven (Dean Koontz)
[I think this is Koontz's best book).

Amazon.com Review

Dean Koontz virtually invented the cross-genre novel, and in One Door Away from Heaven he mixes an action thriller with post-X-Files alien paranoia to remarkable effect. Micky Bellsong is a young woman at a crisis point in her life, using a stay at her Aunt Geneva's to sort things out. Then the precocious and deformed Leilani Klonk walks into her life, telling stories of her stepfather and drugged-up mother, who believe aliens will beam the girl into their mothership and heal her deformities before her 10th birthday. But tales of the stepfather's vicious past, including his hand in several murders, leave Micky believing that a far more terrible fate awaits her friend. So when the parents take off with Leilani, Micky pursues.

As is typical with a Koontz novel, nothing turns out to be what it seems, and the meticulously crafted plot tightens like a noose with every turn of the page. His characters are exceptionally drawn, driving the novel forward with realism and warmth. Micky is one of his more attractive young heroines, but the real star is Leilani, a mature young girl whose plucky nature and sparkling dialogue instantly make her Koontz's most memorable creation. She embodies his belief that despite violence, pain, and suffering, there is always goodness to be found in every person and situation. Koontz has once again proven why he is one of the premier novelists of his generation. --Jonathan Weir, Amazon.co.uk

From Publishers Weekly

Koontz's latest is powered by an impassioned stand against utilitarian bioethics, and it's chock-a-block with trademark characters vulnerable kids, nurturing parental substitutes, a dog of above-average intelligence and a villain of insuperable nastiness sure to provoke a pleasurable conditioned response from his readers. The discursive story coalesces from two converging subplots steeped in the weirdness of fringe ufology: in one, loser Michelina Bellsong struggles to save crippled nine-year-old Leilani Klonk from an evil stepdad planning to pass off her imminent disposal as a benevolent alien abduction; in the other, a strange boy who goes by the alias Curtis Hammond is the quarry of two cross-country manhunts, one led by the FBI and the other by mass murderers who, like the messianic Curtis, may not be what they seem. En route to a pyrotechnic finale in rural Idaho, Koontz shoots bull's-eyes at target issues that shape his theme, including assisted suicide, substance abuse, the irresponsibility of the counterculture and the goofiness of true-believer ET enthusiasts. Koontz's once form-fitting style has gotten baggy of late, however, and readers may find themselves wishing he had better filtered the flights of fancy his characters sometimes indulge at chapter length. For all that, the novel is surprisingly focused on its inspirational message "we are the instruments of one another's salvation and only by the hope that we give to others do we lift ourselves out of the darkness into light" and conveys it with such conviction that only the most critical will demur. (Dec. 26)Forecast: A terrific cover, depicting two female figures on a country path beneath a star-filled night sky, will alert browsers to the awe and mystery within the novel; Koontz's name and Bantam's promo machine will do the rest. Koontz could hit #1 with this one.

2. Another Day in the Frontal Lobe: A brain Surgeon Exposes Life on the Inside (Katrina Firlik, M.D.)

From Publishers Weekly

The brain is my business," says Connecticut neurosurgeon Firlik. "Many of the brains I encounter have been pushed around by tumors, blood clots, infections, or strokes that have swollen out of control. Some have been invaded by bullets, nails, or even maggots." In these pages, a carpenter with a nail in his left frontal lobe goes home within a day of surgery; a boy develops a raging bacterial meningitis because his New Age mother gave him herbs instead of antibiotics for a routine ear infection; and an infant with hydranencephaly looks cute despite the absence of brain matter in his skull. Along the way, Firlik muses that a healthy brain has the consistency of soft tofu, and she flies solo in the OR for the first time as she saves an 18-year-old victim of a car accident who didn't buckle up. A woman in a male-dominated specialty, Firlik doesn't get worked up over minor things that can be construed as sexist; she finds that handling a patient's anxiety can be more complicated than the surgery itself, and she expects to be sued someday for malpractice. This witty and lucid first book demythologizes a complex medical specialty for those of us who aren't brain surgeons. (On sale May 2)

From Bookmarks Magazine

Katrina Firlik shatters the myth most of us hold of brain surgeons as superheroes: they're merely masters of the trade. Critics agreed that her engaging, witty insight into the profession, her layperson's explanation of complex medical terms and routine surgeries, and her compelling stories more than overshadowed the blood-and-gore factor. A few critics expressed disappointment that Firlik only touched on her challenges as a woman in the field, particularly as the first woman admitted to University of Pittsburgh Medical Center's neurosurgery residency program. Others noted some self-indulgent tangents, though she amply covers her personal inspirations. Overall, Another Day provides a fascinating look into the oh-so-routine practices brain surgeons face daily.

3. Forbidden Knowledge: From Prometheus to Pornography (Roger Shattuck )

Amazon.com Review

An intellectual tour-de-force, Forbidden Knowledge is a study of the ethics of literary and scientific inquiry. Shattuck first approaches his subject indirectly, conducting an engaging tour of Western literature: Adam and Eve, Prometheus, Milton's Paradise Lost, Goethe's Faust, and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. He then uses these tales to address the moral questions raised by mankind's tendency to search for dangerous knowledge. He contrasts J. Robert Oppenheimer's acceptance of guilt for the atomic bombings with Edward Teller's dismissal of the same. In his own field of literary criticism he argues against the neutral analysis of immoral works as "pure literature," illustrating his point with a critique of the Marquis de Sade. Forbidden Knowledge is a stimulating and forceful intellectual argument against moral relativism, as well as a practical approach to difficult ethical problems, from genetic engineering to pornography.

From Publishers Weekly

In this scholarly, provocative and gracefully written study, Shattuck?a distinguished critic (The Banqueting Years) and translator (of Apollinaire)?argues that there are moral taboos (even if they are sometimes unclearly defined) that we dare violate at our peril, that there are indeed limits?both philosophical and physical?to what humankind is meant to know and experience and that from the very beginnings of civilization, a central theme in our thought and literature has been the struggle to understand what those limits are. The book begins in theory and moves to more concrete examples of "forbidden knowledge," from discussions of myths (Prometheus, Orpheus, Adam and Eve), through the Victorians' perplexity over Darwin, to an examination of works of literature (Faust, Paradise Lost, Billy Budd, Frankenstein, Emily Dickinson's poetry, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Stranger) that indicate a fascination or concern with those limits. The second half of this study focuses on what Shattuck calls case histories of what can happen when those limits are pushed and include discussions of the Manhattan Project, DNA research, genetic engineering, serial killers (Ted Bundy; the so-called Moors Murderer) and finally?and at great length?the Marquis de Sade. The book might seem but a thoughtful warning about the destructive power of de Sade and what Shattuck considers sadistic pornography, but a concluding essay makes it clear that his subject is really the history of human curiosity and of the glories and dangers inherent in trying to learn more than one is prepared for. First serial to the New York Times Book Review; Reader's Subscription Book Club main selection; BOMC and History Book Club alternates.

4. The God Delusion (Richard Dawkins)

From Publishers Weekly

The antireligion wars started by Daniel Dennett and Sam Harris will heat up even more with this salvo from celebrated Oxford biologist Dawkins. For a scientist who criticizes religion for its intolerance, Dawkins has written a surprisingly intolerant book, full of scorn for religion and those who believe. But Dawkins, who gave us the selfish gene, anticipates this criticism. He says it's the scientist and humanist in him that makes him hostile to religions—fundamentalist Christianity and Islam come in for the most opprobrium—that close people's minds to scientific truth, oppress women and abuse children psychologically with the notion of eternal damnation. While Dawkins can be witty, even confirmed atheists who agree with his advocacy of science and vigorous rationalism may have trouble stomaching some of the rhetoric: the biblical Yahweh is "psychotic," Aquinas's proofs of God's existence are "fatuous" and religion generally is "nonsense." The most effective chapters are those in which Dawkins calms down, for instance, drawing on evolution to disprove the ideas behind intelligent design. In other chapters, he attempts to construct a scientific scaffolding for atheism, such as using evolution again to rebut the notion that without God there can be no morality. He insists that religion is a divisive and oppressive force, but he is less convincing in arguing that the world would be better and more peaceful without it. (Oct. 18)

From Scientific American

Richard Dawkins, in The God Delusion, tells of his exasperation with colleagues who try to play both sides of the street: looking to science for justification of their religious convictions while evading the most difficult implications—the existence of a prime mover sophisticated enough to create and run the universe, "to say nothing of mind reading millions of humans simultaneously." Such an entity, he argues, would have to be extremely complex, raising the question of how it came into existence, how it communicates —through spiritons!—and where it resides. Dawkins is frequently dismissed as a bully, but he is only putting theological doctrines to the same kind of scrutiny that any scientific theory must withstand. No one who has witnessed the merciless dissection of a new paper in physics would describe the atmosphere as overly polite.
~George Johnson is author of Fire in the Mind: Science, Faith, and the Search for Order and six other books. He resides on the Web at talaya.net

5. The Bible
(yes, the Bible. But Cover to cover, without any help. Just read it all. And don't lie and say you have--most HAVEN'T, especially Christians. For myself, as anyone who knows me understands, my spiritual path was halted by reading the Bible. By the time i got to the end, i was an atheist. Amazing what the clergy will hide form you. It's worth your time to really read it, cover to cover. I don't have any reviews to place below here, as that would be a bit absurd, considering. But a review, of sorts, will be had in my book about this journey, Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology, hopefully available by the end of this year).

 

 

6. Maximum Ride series (James Patterson) The Angel Experiment, Book 1
*you won't often catch me reading Young Adult fiction at this age...but I'm telling you, I could not resist these. Each one, just as compelling and entertaining as the last.

From Publishers Weekly

Themes from Patterson's popular adult titles When the Wind Blows and The Lake House waft through this YA thriller, the author's first in the genre. Wood stars as Maximum Ride, 14-year-old leader of a band of kids who have escaped the lab where they were bred as 98% human and 2% bird (wings being a key component) and developed a variety of other-worldly talents. In Patterson's unusual universe, Max and her young cohorts are soon forced to rescue one of their own—a girl named Angel—from a pack of mutant wolf-humans called Erasers. Wood nails Patterson's often adult-beyond-their-years dialogue with a jaded tone. But the result of this pairing makes Max sound more off-putting than cool or intriguing. The listening experience is stalled in the starting gate, keeping the action-adventure earthbound rather than high-flying. Ages 12-up. (Apr.)

From School Library Journal

Grade 7 Up–A group of genetically enhanced kids who can fly and have other unique talents are on the run from part-human, part-wolf predators called Erasers in this exciting SF thriller that's not wholly original but is still a compelling read. Max, 14, and her adopted family–Fang and Iggy, both 13, Nudge, 11, Gazzy, 8, and Angel, 6–were all created as experiments in a lab called the School. Jeb, a sympathetic scientist, helped them escape and, since then, they've been living on their own. The Erasers have orders to kill them so the world will never find out they exist. Max's old childhood friend, Ari, now an Eraser leader, tracks them down, kidnaps Angel, and transports her back to the School to live like a lab rat again. The youngsters are forced to use their special talents to rescue her as they attempt to learn about their pasts and their destinies. The novel ends with the promise that this journey will continue in the sequel. As with Patterson's adult mystery thrillers, in-depth characterization is secondary to the fast-moving plot. The narrative alternates between Max's first-person point-of-view and that of the others in the third person, but readers don't get to know Max very well. The only major flaw is that the children sound like adults most of the time. This novel is reminiscent of David Lubar's Hidden Talents (Tor, 1999) and Ann Halam's Dr. Franklin's Island (Random, 2002).–Sharon Rawlins, Piscataway Public Library, NJ

*we interrupt this booklist for an important announcement. I thought the above byline was from Pissedaway Public Library. Until i looked at it again. I'm sure i Pissed Away many hours at the libray in my lifetime. Okay, not Pissed away. It was time well spent.

We now return to your regularly scheduled Booklist, already in progress....

7. The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy by James Trefil, Joseph F. Kett, and E. D. Hirsch

From School Library Journal

This book belongs in high-school libraries, if only because of the tremendous amount of publicity and controversy surrounding its compilation. It has large gaps in minority literature and history, but in other areas it is fascinating in its coverage. Adults will enjoy browsing to find what is included and what's not, while students will appreciate the quick reference.
Copyright 1989 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Description

A National bestseller, The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy has been widely acclaimed for identifying and defining the core body of knowledge that no literare American should be without. Now in this newly revised and updated edition, the authors provice a comprehensive look at cultural literacy for the nineties. New entries reflect suggestions from hundreds of readers. The dictionary takes into account the growing consensus over the specifics of multiculturalism, the political and geographic changes in the world, and the new ideas and terms that flow constantly from scientific research and technological development. The Dictionary of Cultural Literacy challenges us to find out more about what we know and helps us make sense of what we read, hear, and learn. It is a "must have" book for every home.

8. Everything You Know About God Is Wrong: The Disinformation Guide to Religion (Russ Kick, Neil Gaiman, and Richard Dawkins)

Product Description

In the new mega-anthology from best-selling editor Russ Kick, more than fifty writers, reporters, and researchers invade the inner sanctum for an unrestrained look at the wild and woolly world of organized belief.

Richard Dawkins shows us the strange, scary properties of religion; Neil Gaiman turns a biblical atrocity story into a comic (that almost sent a publisher to prison); Erik Davis looks at what happens when religion and California collide; Mike Dash eyes stigmatics; Douglas Rushkoff exposes the trouble with Judaism; Paul Krassner reveals his "Confessions of an Atheist"; and best-selling lexicographer Jonathon Green interprets the language of religious prejudice.

Among the dozens of other articles and essays, you'll find: a sweeping look at classical composers and Great American Songbook writers who were unbelievers, such as Irving Berlin, creator of "God Bless America"; the definitive explanation of why America is not a Christian nation; the bizarre, Catholic-fundamentalist books by Mel Gibson's father; eye-popping photos of bizarre religious objects and ceremonies, including snake-handlers and pot-smoking children; the thinly veiled anti-Semitism in the Left Behind novels; an extract from the rare, suppressed book The Sex Life of Brigham Young; and rarely seen anti-religious writings from Mark Twain and H.G. Wells.

Further topics include exorcisms, religious curses, Wicca, the Church of John Coltrane, crimes by clergy, death without God, Christian sex manuals, the "ex-gay" movement, failed prophecies, bizarre theology, religious bowling, atheist rock and roll, "how to be a good Christian," an entertaining look at the best (and worst) books on religion, and much more.

About the Author

Russ Kick is the all-star editor of five previous Disinformation Guides and three Disinformation books. He has been labeled as an "information archaeologist" by the New York Times in a major profile. He runs the popular blog TheMemoryHole.org and is well known for his intelligent and successful FOIA requests and unveilings.

9. Letter to a Christian Nation (Sam Harris)

Reviews

“A breath of fresh fire.”–Wall Street Journal

"This combination of ruthless argument with polemic designed to provoke (he describes the Catholic Church as the “institution that has produced and sheltered an elite army of child-molesters") will further delight Harris’ supporters and infuriate his critics.” – San Francisco Chronicle

“Harris has consolidated his disdain for religion in a withering attack on Christianity, delivered in the form of an open letter. . . . Mr. Harris wants to grab your lapels and give you a good shake. . . [he] makes a good case for a new and intellectually honest conversation about morality and human suffering.”–NY Observer

“As infidels go, Harris is an astonishingly successful one. . . Letter is a readable, exhortatory screed.”–Newsweek

“Bracing.”–The Nation

“[Letter to a Christian Nation] crackles with a focused, potent energy. . . . [Harris’] arguments resonate with a satisfying common sense.”–Contra Costa Times

“Sam Harris’s elegant little book is most refreshing and a wonderful source of ammunition for those who, like me, hold to no religious doctrine. Yet I have some sympathy also with those who might be worried by his uncompromising stance. Read it and from your own view, but do not ignore its message.”
–Sir Roger Penrose, emeritus professor of mathematics, Oxford University, author of The Road to Reality

“Reading Harris’ Letter to a Christian Nation was like sitting ring side, cheering the champion, yelling ‘Yes!’ at every jab. For those of us who feel depressed by this country’s ever increasing unification of church and state, and the ever decreasing support for the sciences that deliver knowledge and reduce ignorance …

“A breath of fresh fire.” —Wall Street Journal

“I dare you to read this book…it will not leave you unchanged. Read it if it is the last thing you do.” —Richard Dawkins, author of The Selfish Gene and The God Delusion

“It’s a shame that not everyone in this country will read Sam Harris’ marvelous little book Letter to a Christian Nation. They won’t but they should.” —Leonard Susskind, Felix Bloch Professor in theoretical physics, Stanford University

10. Atheism: The Case against God (George H. Smith)

Product Description

With this intriguing introduction, George H Smith sets out to demolish what he considers the most widespread and destructive of all the myths devised by man – the concept of a supreme being. With painstaking scholarship and rigorous arguments, Mr. Smith examines, dissects, and refutes the myriad “proofs” offered by theists – the defenses of sophisticated, professional theologians, as well as the average religious layman. He explores the historical and psychological havoc wrought by religion in general – and concludes that religious belief cannot have any place in the life of modern, rational man.

Review

Is theism a reasonable and rational position, or can a better case be made for atheism and against faith in the existence of gods? The goal of George Smith’s books is to demonstrate that irrational beliefs are in fact harmful and that theism and religion are prime examples of irrationality. The conclusion, then, is that both must be abandoned and new ways of thinking about the world adopted in their place.

The first place he starts is, naturally enough, to define what atheism is. This he does well, explaining the difference between “weak” atheism, which is simply the lack of belief in any gods, and “strong” atheism, which is the outright denial that any gods exist (he uses the less common terms “implicit” and “explicit”). This is the definition which most atheists today understand, which atheists have been using for the past couple of hundred years, and which is attested to in most major, unabridged dictionaries.

But the heart of Smith’s book is his discussion about reason vs. faith. According to Smith, reason and faith are two ways of thinking which are diametrically opposed to each other. His explanation of the nature of “reasonable” thinking is very good, and something which most people should read.

Reason isn’t simply one “mode” of thinking, or one possible choice out of a variety of equally valid options. Reason is, instead, our very ability to think in abstract, complex ways. Similarly, rational demonstration is not simply one way to demonstrate something, but rather it is the ability to demonstrate anything at all. The denial of reason is thus the denial of our basic ability to think coherently about our lives.

This in turn is contrasted with faith – but here his argument breaks down somewhat. The perception is given that he is making an argument which is valid against all forms of faith and thus all forms of theism, but this is mistaken on two accounts.

First, what he says does not apply to all the ways in which people – even religious people – understand the nature of faith. It is true that it is valid against the usual way in which you will see a religious person using it, and particularly in the way which Christians use it. Because of this, his discussion will be very useful on a practical level, and what he says, when limited properly, is very accurate: “Insofar as faith is possible, it is irrational; insofar as faith is rational, it is impossible.”

It is undeniable that a defense of reason is probably the best argument against the “faith” many religionists promote; but in not making it clear that this is one of many ways to understand “faith,” he makes an error similar to that of religionists who claim that if the atheist has “faith” in a spouse or in the sun rising tomorrow, then that is equivalent to the theist’s faith in their god.

A second error is in the premise that all forms of theism are equivalent – further compounded by the exclusive use of Christianity as the theistic foil for his arguments. Not all theists necessarily resort to “faith” in the way he describes – some refuse to use it at all and insist that their beliefs can be defended with reason alone. They may be mistaken in their belief that they would be successful, but that doesn’t change the fact that an assault on one type of faith is not the same as an assault on all forms of faith and all forms of theism.

To a degree, Smith seems to understand this, because he devotes a significant portion of the book to refutations of common attempts to provide rational arguments for the existence of gods. Although these rebuttals are limited because they do not take into account more recent formulations, they do provide a clear, understandable introduction to them and how to go about dealing with them.

All of the book’s problems stem, I think, from the question of theory vs. practice. In practice, most atheists will encounter Christians making the sort of faith-based arguments Smith describes and refutes. Because of this, his book is very good and very useful. But in theory, an atheist could easily encounter theists and religions who make different arguments, and the atheist will look foolish trying to formulate rebuttals to positions which the theist does not hold.

Unfortunately, this isn’t just speculation – I see it happen all the time that atheists essentially construct straw man arguments against principles which are associated with Christianity and particular ideas of faith, only based on learning that a person is a theist or is a Christian. The chief reason is, I am sure, because they don’t often encounter different sorts of theists and because they are most familiar with Christianity. Even worse, some atheist books contribute to the problem when they could be working to eliminate it.

And Smith’s book isn’t alone in this – not by a long shot. Most of the atheist books out there may start out with a more general discussion about the nature of atheism and broad considerations about general beliefs in the existence of gods, but few stick with just those arguments. Most end up attacking Christianity in the end – understandable, for the practical reasons I describe above, but ultimately problematic.

Too many atheists are simply ignorant of the variety of ways in which theists defend their beliefs, and while educating them about Christian arguments is a good idea, it is self-defeating to only focus on Christianity. It is also self-defeating to mix up anti-Christian arguments with anti-theism arguments, without making the clear distinction between the two. A true “Case Against God” book would not spend much time on Christianity-only arguments, but instead would have left that to a second volume entitled “The Case Against Christianity.”

Nevertheless, this book still provides a sound introduction to atheism – what it is, what it is not, and how it can be effectively defended against the most common critiques. It also provides a basis for atheists to critique religious faith and common theistic arguments, so long as they keep in mind the limitations described above. ~Austin Cline, Guide at atheism.about.com

10. God Game (Andrew M. Greeley)

Product Description

Andrew M. Greeley, the phenomenally popular novelist and priest, is best known — and loved — for his understated Catholic morality and compassionate understanding of human foibles. In The God Game, now available in a brand-new trade paperback edition, Father Greeley takes a new and fascinating twist on an old cliché: What if — by using a sophisticated computer game with a healthy dose of heavenly intervention — you really could play God? What if you actually had the power to control other people’s lives?

This is the dilemma that faces our hero, who quickly finds that being given the kingdom, the power, and the glory is dangerous–but addictive. The troubles of the people he sees flashing on his computer screen are all too real–and his troubles are just beginning. . .

About the Author

A native of Chicago, Reverend Andrew M. Greeley, is a priest, distinguished sociologist and bestselling author. He is professor of social sciences at the University of Chicago and the University of Arizona, as well as Research Associate at the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. His current sociological research focuses on current issues facing the Catholic Church-including celibacy of priests, ordination of women, religious imagination, and sexual behavior of Catholics.

Father Greeley received the S.T.L. in 1954 from St. Mary of Lake Seminary. His graduate work was done at the University of Chicago, where he received the M.A. Degree in 1961 and the Ph.D. in 1962.

Father Greeley has written scores of books and hundreds of popular and scholarly articles on a variety of issues in sociology, education and religion. His column on political, church and social issues is carried by the carried by the Chicago Sun Times and may other newspapers. He stimulates discussion of neglected issues and often anticipates sociological trends. He is the author of more than thirty bestselling novels and an autobiography, Furthermore!: Confessions of a Parish Priest.

 

11. That’s Not in My American History Book: A Compilation of Little-Known Events & Forgotten Heroes (Thomas Ayres)

That’s Not in My American History Book collects an illuminating treasury of stories edited out of your textbooks. It explains why the Fourth of July isn’t really our Independence Day. It dispels the myth of Paul Revere’s ride. It reveals nineteenth-century political mudslinging that labeled Andrew Jackson a murderer and his wife an adulteress. It even unveils the only vice president ever to compose a number-one pop hit.
For generations, history classes reduced the American story into a dry litany of dates, names, and places. Now, Thomas Ayres fills in the gaps, supplying the messy details, reclaiming the overlooked heroes, and correcting the facts you thought you knew. With insight, irreverence, and wit, That’s Not in My American History Book uncovers our unknown past.

12. The Greatest Stories Never Told: 100 Tales from History to Astonish, Bewilder, and Stupefy (Rick Beyer)

Reviews

“Full of tasty morsels.A delightful book to arm one for the next dull cocktail party.” (Chicago Tribune )

“History like you’ve never read it before.Amusing.” (The Tennessean )

“100 stories you haven’t heard will delight in knowing..Lively, offbeat and surprising in quick-hit snippets.” (Denver Rocky Mountain News )

“Surprising.the essentials of fascinating stories are here.” (Dallas Morning News )

Product Description

History isn’t always made by great armies colliding or by great civilizations rising or falling. Sometimes it’s made when a chauffeur takes a wrong turn, a scientist forgets to clean up his lab, or a drunken soldier gets a bit rowdy. That’s the kind of history you’ll find in The Greatest Stories Never Told.

This is history candy — the good stuff. Here are 100 tales to astonish, bewilder, and stupefy: more than two thousand years of history filled with courage, cowardice, hope, triumph, sex, intrigue, folly, humor, and ambition. It’s a historical delight and a visual feast with hundreds of photographs, drawings, and maps that bring each story to life. A new discovery waits on every page: stories that changed the course of history and stories that affected what you had for breakfast this morning.

Consider:

* The Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock because they ran out of beer
* Some Roman officials were so corrupt that they actually stole time itself
* Three cigars changed the course of the Civil War
* The Scottish kilt was invented by an Englishman

Based on the popular Timelab 2000® history minutes hosted by Sam Waterston on The History Channel®, this collection of fascinating historical tidbits will have you shaking your head in wonder and disbelief. But they’re all true. And you’ll soon find yourself telling them to your friends.

13. Borrowed Lives (Laramie Dunaway) first published in the UK as “Wicked Women”

From Publishers Weekly

Written in a frisky, wisecracking style, Dunaway’s second novel (after Hungry Women ) kicks off smartly when good friends Luna Devon (a timid, lackluster graduate student) and Wren Caldwell (a clever, outspoken, gorgeous budding writer) both get shot by a crazed, suicidal pal. Only Luna survives. with a bullet hole in her chest. Boldly deciding to change her ho-hum life, Luna gathers Wren’s brilliant literary efforts, responds to Wren’s job offers and reinvents herself as a brainy journalist for a trendy California magazine. As Wren, she finds that the sassier her act, the bigger the payoff. Assigned to interview jailed husband-killer Season Dougherty, she becomes Season’s ally and lands a fat contract to script her story for Hollywood. Playing on her borrowed name and credentials, she breezes into an affair with the amiable Davis Richard, himself a chaser of filmworthy stories. As her adventures as Wren hilariously pile up, Luna begins to see her criminally scripted double life as the stuff of movies, especially when she gets the surprise package of her pilfered identity–the arrival of dead Wren’s shady, handsome ex-con husband, Byron, who is all too ready to go along with the scam. Blending a wealth of entertaining, good-humored tough talk with a rugged and ready sexuality, Dunaway keeps this romp of a novel moving with dexterity and panache. A snappy denouement shows Luna, having played Wren to the hilt, now primed to reenter her own life bolder and wiser. This is the first title in Warner’s new Fresh Voices Program, which aims to publish quality fiction by unsung writers. Literary Guild and Doubleday Book Club alternates.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. –This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Description

Luna Devon is at a crossroads in her life when she and her good friend Wren Caldwell—a clever, outspoken, gorgeous, budding writer—are shot by a crazed, suicidal pal. When Wren perishes, the timid, lackluster, graduate student Luna survives with a hole in her heart and decides to reinvent herself . . . as Wren. Luna thinks she has it made after taking the job her friend has landed sight unseen at a hot new California magazine; yet if Wren’s life offers a bed of roses, it certainly has its thorns. With moxie, pizzazz, gutsiness, and fingers crossed, Luna will try her best, even if it means pursuing her happiness with a group of ecological terrorists, a floating high-stakes chess game run by a hoodlum named Grudge, her anthropologist father who has taken a preteen Indian medicine woman for his new wife, and a man who wants what may be impossible—for Wren to be herself.

* * *

Jae: I have often aspired to produce writing like this in my novels. I can’t say enough about how thoroughly enjoyable and addictive this writing is. I must instead show you by giving you an excerpt from the opening pages…

“When i finally arrived at the police station, Wren was standing on the front steps under a bright light, a pair of blue panties balled up in her right fist. She was waving her fist around as if she was about to do some sort of magic trick with her panties, turn them into a dove or something. At the same time, her flushed face was leaning into some young uniformed cop’s pale face, yelling at him. The top to my Rabbit was down, so i could hear each word as crisp as snapping carrots.

“This is total bullshit!” Wren hollered.

The skinny young cop was leaning as far back as he could without flipping backward over the railing. His eyes were wide and unfocused, as if he’d just been told he was the offspring of incest. Like most men who’ve come face-to-face with Wren’s temper, he looked both a little murderous and a little in love.

I quickly swung the Rabbit to the curb and honked twice.

Wren didn’t take her fierce eyes off the young cop. She continued to glare at him as she backed down the steps toward my car without actually looking where she was going. As if she were guided by some psychic homing device. Anyone else I’d have been worried would trip and fall. But not Wren. She had never done one ungraceful thing in her entire life. She’s probably pirouetted out of her mothers’ womb and did the Maypole dance with the umbilical cord. Finally, Wren turned toward me. This is when i noticed the huge tan bandage the size of a business card angled across her forehead, partially covering her left eyebrow. A moist rusty spot soaked through the center of the bandage. Three drops of blood formed a teardrop constellation on her white T-shirt.

Wren had only descended two steps when she stopped abruptly and pivoted back around toward the cop. Her tennis shoes squealed against the smooth cement. The startled young cop flinched. His hand dropped to his gun.

“And you are an asshole!” Wren proclaimed, pointing her panties at him. “You hear what I’m saying, Officer? Do you?”

She marched toward my car, climbed in, and slammed the door. “Let’s get the fuck out of here before I kill someone else.”

14. Earth Angel (Raymond Obstfeld)
*Not surprisingly, Obstfeld is the real name of Laramie Dunaway, one of my other favorite authors. It’s him, writing under a female pseudonym.

From Publishers Weekly

After Dr. Season Gottlieb’s fiance, Tim, goes on a shooting spree and murders five people before being shot by the police, Season feels both grief and guilt. But rather than explore what provoked Tim’s rampage, Season dubs herself Grace Weiss and tries to make amends to the victims’ families. While the heroine’s good intentions are credible, her way of playing “angel” is nonsensical and the plot ridiculously convoluted. One victim’s cousin refuses Season’s no-strings gift of $50,000, then calls the cops; when Season tries to set up another victim’s stepbrother with the woman of his dreams, the woman recognizes her from TV newscasts and blackmails her. And when Season visits a third man linked to Tim’s crime-the ex-husband of a witness who committed suicide-she falls for him. Her benevolent mission ends there; she’s less interested in philanthropy than in concealing her identity from her new lover. As the book drifts into the doldrums, Obstfeld loses all control of his material, allowing a serial-kidnapping subplot to come to the fore. Season, a movie-trivia whiz, is among the few people who can decode the kidnapper’s cryptic clues, and the police force her to help them by threatening to expose her ruse. With each new scenario, Obstfeld shows that no good deed goes unpunished. Unfortunately, such relentlessly zany methods prove dull rather than remotely humorous.
Copyright 1995 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Description

Dr. Season Makenzie, an accomplished thirtysomething physician at a Southern California walk-in clinic, finds her life devastated when her boyfriend visits her at work with a gun and opens fire on her patients.

15. Life 101:Everything We Wish We Had Learned About Life in School–But Didn’t (John-Roger and Peter McWilliams)

Product Description

From the back cover:
WHEN YOU ARE…
Angry, Depressed, Anxious, Tired, Resentful, Upset, Nervous, Unhappy, confused, Frightened, or in any way not healthy, wealthy and happy, then School is in Session!

But it’s not “school” as you remember it. This is a book about learning, doing and enjoying that’s actually fun. Really.

By the time we graduate form high school, most of us have spent more than 14,500 hours in the classroom. Along the way, we learned (and promptly forgot) several million little facts.

But in all that time, did we learn–or even explore–the meaning of life? Did we learn how to love ourselves? Did we learn the importance of forgiving ourself and others? Did we learn about worthiness (and how to get it), the power of thoughts (and how to use them), or the value of mistakes? Did anyone teach us how to use guilt, resentment, pain and fear for our learning, upliftment and growth? Did we learn our purpose in life?

If not, it’s not too late. You are holding the class you’ve been waiting for in your hands.

16. An Underground Education:The Unauthorized and Outrageous Supplement to Everything You Thought You Knew About Art, Sex, Business, Crime, Science, Medicine, and Other Fields of Human (Richard Zacks)

Amazon.com Review

Forget the history you were taught in school; Richard Zacks’s version is crueler and funnier than anything you might have learned in seventh-grade civics–and much more of a gross-out, too. Described on the book jacket as an “autodidact extraordinaire,” Zacks is also the author of History Laid Bare, making him something of an expert guide through history’s back alleys and side streets. There’s no fact too seamy or perverse for Zacks to drag out into the light of day, from matters scatological and sexual to some of history’s most truly bizarre episodes. Curious about ancient nose-blowing etiquette? What about the sexual proclivities of Catherine the Great? Throughout chapters such as “The Evolution of Underwear” and “Dentistry Before Novocaine,” Zacks proves a tireless debunker of popular myths as well as a muckraker par excellence. –This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Reviews

Astonishing facts!

Bizarre photographs!

Fascinating & sometimes deeply weird true stories!

Just a small taste of the intellectual smorgasbord contained in this volume.

Did you know:

….that in the original story of Goldilocks the bears torture and kill their impolite visitor?
…that Pope Leo XIII appeared in an advertisement for cocaine-laced wine in the 1880s?
…that people didn’t eat with forks until the 1700s?
…that Sir Isaac Newton’s famous humble-pie quote “If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants” was actually written to a dwarf scientist named Robert Hooke and clearly meant as an insult?
…that Thomas Edison secretly helped develop the electric chair in a scheme to have the lethal machine named after his arch-rival, George Westinghouse?
that the first pediatric guide written in the United States recommended that expectant mothers breastfeed puppies?
…that for two centuries French scientists obsessively experimented on freshly decapitated heads in an effort to discover whether the bodiless brain still functioned?
…that Cleopatra was ugly as sin?

17. Everything You Know is Wrong:The Disinformation Guide to Secrets and Lies (Russ Kick)
*in fact, all of these Disinformation Guides are Must-reads. They are a wealth of information not found through normal channels.

From Library Journal

From the people who brought us You Are Being Lied To, here is another engrossing and infuriating compilation of muckraking articles, expos s, and provocative claims. Some of the pieces in the book are very timely: an assertion that the government had advance warning of the September 11 terrorist attacks, reports of additional gunmen at Columbine High School, and additional details on Senator Bob Kerrey’s actions in Vietnam. Most of the articles were written for this volume, though some appeared previously in reputable magazines and journals (e.g., the Village Voice, Toronto Globe & Mail, and Journal of Medical Ethics). Not all the pieces deal with political issues; readers will find a wide range of social (“Mad Cow Disease”), financial (“World Bank and the WTO”), and cultural topics. A few familiar names appear among the contributors (Howard Zinn, Paul Krassner), but most are investigative reporters not well known to the public. This contrarian collection will attract a diverse readership from conspiracy nuts to academics and is recommended for most public libraries. Thomas A. Karel, Franklin & Marshall Coll. Lib., Lancaster, PA

Reviews

“Even if you just check it out from the library, you owe it to yourself to read it.” — Movement (Jacksonville, FL), May 2002

“It’s a great read.” – Jane Magazine, August 2002

“Much of it will shock your sensibilities. It’s mindboggling stuff. But read it you should.” Discourse & Disclosure, Summer 2002

“The kind of book you want to buy and give to everyone you know” – Rain Taxi Summer 2002

“These stories can be scary” – Seven Magazine, July 2002

“This book could change the way you process information. This book could actually make you smarter.” – Tacoma Reporter, July 25, 2002

“[A] fun and compelling read” -- Enter Stage Right, June 2002

“[A]nother engrossing and infuriating compilation of muckraking articles, exposes, and provocative claims … recommended for most public libraries.” – Library Journal

“a bracing collection of contrarian articles covering a broad spectrum of subjects” – The Guardian, October 5, 2002

“bold and brash and just a little bit frightening, irregardless of which side of the political center readers find themselves” – The Boox Review, July 10, 2002

18. Lessons in Survival (Laramie Dunaway)
*surprise! I really do love “her” writing. Thanks, Raymond.
You might have to find a copy of this in bookstores and libraries–it’ s a little hard to track down sometimes.

From Publishers Weekly

Dunaway’s latest (after the beguiling Borrowed Lives ) is an overambitious and bluntly unromantic tale of a mixed-up child- and adulthood. Narrator Blue Erhart, a 32-year-old high school biology teacher, has a notorious past: her parents were hippie bank robbers who followed the Robin Hood ethic and were sent to prison after Blue bought an ice cream cone with a marked bill. Nineteen years later, their sentences are served, and Blue, who stopped visiting them when her mother turned down parole on principle, can no longer fathom the role of daughter. And with good reason. Her folks aren’t just quirky, they’re downright unpleasant. When Blue first catches up with them at a dingy apartment, her mother answers the door stark naked and cracks jokes about homophobia. Besides having to contend with such oddities, Blue also spends time dodging reporters, fending off an aspiring movie producer who wants the rights to her story and pursuing Thomas Q, the messianic subject of her dissertation. That a small-time filmmaker is curious about Blue seems credible, but it’s a stretch to believe that paparazzi spend hours each day monitoring her apartment. Blue is too gruff to win over readers (making love with her ex-husband, biology-minded Blue imagines the dust mites that inhabit the carpet.) Readers are more punished than rewarded for perseverance as Dunaway’s sitcom-ish material slips out of her grasp.

Divorced high school biology teacher Blue Erhart leads a quiet, conventional life until her notorious bank-robbing parents are released from prison. Hounded by the press and TV-movie producers, she goes on the lam, much as she did in her youth with her fugitive Mom and Dad. Led largely by her libido, Blue leaps from Rush, a sometime Hollywood agent, to cult-leader Thomas Q, the subject of her master’s thesis. Her quest for identity and renewed focus gets pretty frenetic, and her parents’ continuing lust for robbing banks doesn’t help. But, just in time, true love finds a way, and Blue and Rush live happily ever after. Not as clever and refreshing as Dunaway’s first book, Borrowed Lives ( LJ 10/15/92), this is nonetheless very innovative, entertaining, and itself a prime candidate for a TV movie. Recommended.

19. The Illustrated Brief History of Time & The Universe in a Nutshell (Stephen Hawking)

The Universe in a Nutshell

Stephen Hawking’s phenomenal, multimillion-copy bestseller, A Brief History of Time, introduced the ideas of this brilliant theoretical physicist to readers all over the world.

Now, in a major publishing event, Hawking returns with a lavishly illustrated sequel that unravels the mysteries of the major breakthroughs that have occurred in the years since the release of his acclaimed first book.

The Universe in a Nutshell

* Quantum mechanics * M-theory * General relativity * 11-dimensional supergravity * 10-dimensional membranes * Superstrings * P-branes * Black holes

One of the most influential thinkers of our time, Stephen Hawking is an intellectual icon, known not only for the adventurousness of his ideas but for the clarity and wit with which he expresses them. In this new book Hawking takes us to the cutting edge of theoretical physics, where truth is often stranger than fiction, to explain in laymen’s terms the principles that control our universe.

Like many in the community of theoretical physicists, Professor Hawking is seeking to uncover the grail of science — the elusive Theory of Everything that lies at the heart of the cosmos. In his accessible and often playful style, he guides us on his search to uncover the secrets of the universe — from supergravity to supersymmetry, from quantum theory to M-theory, from holography to duality.

He takes us to the wild frontiers of science, where superstring theory and p-branes may hold the final clue to the puzzle. And he lets us behind the scenes of one of his most exciting intellectual adventures as he seeks “to combine Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity and Richard Feynman’s idea of multiple histories into one complete unified theory that will describe everything that happens in the universe.”

With characteristic exuberance, Professor Hawking invites us to be fellow travelers on this extraordinary voyage through space-time. Copious four-color illustrations help clarify this journey into a surreal wonderland where particles, sheets, and strings move in eleven dimensions; where black holes evaporate and disappear, taking their secret with them; and where the original cosmic seed from which our own universe sprang was a tiny nut.

The Universe in a Nutshell is essential reading for all of us who want to understand the universe in which we live. Like its companion volume, A Brief History of Time, it conveys the excitement felt within the scientific community as the secrets of the cosmos reveal themselves.

The Illustrated Brief History of Time

In the years since its publication in 1988, Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time has established itself as a landmark volume in scientific writing. It has also become an international publishing phenomenon, translated into forty languages and selling over nine million copies. The book was on the cutting edge of what was then known about the nature of the universe, but since then there have been extraordinary advances in the technology of observing both the micro- and the macrocosmic world. These observations have confirmed many of Professor Hawking’s theoretical predictions in the first edition of his book, including the recent discoveries of the Cosmic Background Explorer satellite (COBE), which probed back in time to within 300,000 years of the universe’s beginning and revealed the wrinkles in the fabric of space-time that he had projected.

Eager to bring to his original text the new knowledge revealed by these many observations, as well as his most recent research, for this revised and expanded edition Hawking has prepared a new introduction to the book, revised and updated the original chapters throughout, and written an entirely new chapter on the fascinating subject of wormholes and time travel.

In addition, to heighten understanding of complex concepts that readers may have found difficult to grasp despite the clarity and wit of Hawking’s writing, this edition is magnificently enhanced throughout with more than 240 full-color illustrations, including satellite images, photographs made possible by spectacular new technological advances such as the Hubble telescope, and computer- generated images of three- and four-dimensional realities. Detailed captions clarify these illustrations, enabling readers to experience the vastness of intergalactic space, the nature of black holes, and the microcosmic world of particle physics in which matter and antimatter collide.

A classic work that now brings to the reader the latest understanding of cosmology, The Illustrated A Brief History of Time is the story of the ongoing search for the tantalizing secrets at the heart of time and space.

20. Friday -Robert A. Heinlein

Review

“FRIDAY IS A SUPERBEING…Engineered from the finest genes, and trained to be a secret courier in a future world of chaotic ferocity and intrigue, she can think better and make love better than any of the normal people around her”.– The New York Times Book Review

Product Description

Engineered from the finest genes, and trained to be a secret courier in a future world, Friday operates over a near-future Earth, where chaos reigns. Working at Boss’s whimsical behest she travels from far north to deep south, finding quick, expeditious solutions as one calamity after another threatens to explode in her face….

21. Atheist Universe (David Mills)
* I have to say, this was one of the most clear and helpful books to make the case for atheism. David is a master at explaining it. I am proud to have him as one of my friends on Facebook.

Review

David’s work will be very useful for anyone combating harmful religious beliefs. Honest, frank, and right to the point! — Albert Ellis, Ph.D., father of modern psychotherapy, author of ‘A Guide to Rational Living’ and 54 other books

With impeccable logic, intellectual bravery, and professional clarity Mills points the way past religion. — Dorion Sagan, science writer, son of Carl Sagan

Product Description

Clear, concise, and persuasive, Atheist Universe details exactly why God is unnecessary to explain the universe and life’s diversity, organization, and beauty. The author thoroughly rebuts every argument that claims to “prove” God’s existence — arguments based on logic, common sense, philosophy, ethics, history and science.
Atheist Universe avoids the esoteric language used by philosophers and presents its scientific evidence in simple lay terms, making it a richly entertaining and easy-to-read introduction to atheism. A comprehensive primer, it addresses all the historical and scientific questions, including: Is there proof that God does not exist? What evidence is there of Jesus’ resurrection? Can creation science reconcile scripture with the latest scientific discoveries?
Atheist Universe also answers ethical issues such as: What is the meaning of life without God? It’s a spellbinding inquiry that ultimately arrives at a controversial and well-documented conclusion.

Be the first to like.

Yes There IS Something in the Water

Another popular meme in mainstream esoteric spirituality is the buzz about the Japanese guy who takes pictures of water crystals at a microscopic level, to prove that water responds appropriately to negative and positive input.Dr. Masuru Emoto is enjoying the proceeds from his book, The Hidden Messages in Water. Mr. Emoto’s book reveals photographs of water crystals which apparently respond to certain words positively or negatively in correlation with the nature of the words. He contends that not only are thoughts things, but that these thing-thoughts can alter the shape and design of water crystals. As if water has emotion.No one in the legitimate scientific community is taking it seriously, and Stephen Lower, a Chemistry professor, even debunks this on his site. [1]First, according to Lower, these photographs are not of water molecules, and “convey no information about water.” And apparently, Mr. Emoto has only published in “Explore: The Journal of Science and Healing.” This would seem to cover the peer-reviewed journal stipulation of credibility, and Emoto reportedly did a double-blind and a triple blind study. This would normally impart a stamp of credibility on the work, but let’s ask the questions: who were the “peers” in this journal, and was it really a double-blind study?Who Were His Peers?
It is my understanding that invoking the “peer” stipulation, implies the peers are reputable, and accordingly scientific. This does NOT refer to HIS peers, since his title of “Doctor” comes from his certification from the “Open International University for Alternative Medicine” in India.According to The Skeptic Dictionary,

“For $3,750 USD one could buy any of the following degrees: M.D. (M.A.), M.D. (T.M.), Dr. Ac., or Ph.D. These letters stand for Doctor of Medicine (Alternativa Medicina), Doctor of Medicine (Traditional Medicine), Doctor of Acupuncture, and Doctor of Philosophy. Registration was an extra $1,000…” [2]

Okay, a diploma mill for a shady institution. It’s bad enough to get a fake diploma from a RESPECTED educational institution, but to buy a fake diploma from a fake one…well, that’s just rubbing it in.

Among his “peers” –the ones who “Reviewed” his findings–are:

Larry Dossey, M.D., the author of Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine and Prayer Is Good Medicine and How to Reap the Healing Benefits of Prayer. First of all, prayer is NOT medicine. The ineffectiveness of prayer has been debunked many times over in legitimate scientific experiments, and I debunked it again in my own book, Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of A God Cosmology.

Among the many other claims embraced by Dossey:

Uri Geller’s powers; voodoo and “distant hexing”; a “93 percent accurate” cold-reader “Therapeutic Touch” (the New Age technique recently scandalizing the Colorado Board of Nursing); Robert Jahn’s random-event generator experiments which “transcend space [and] time” (and which have since been debunked in a parapsychology journal!); William Braud’s experiments showing that “the mental images of one person can modify the activity of the autonomic nervous system of a distant person [who is] unaware that the attempt is being made”; the Biblical story (Joshua 10:12-14) of the sun standing still: “In addition to standing still, could time become ‘disjointed,’ such that the future would precede the present, or the present precede the past?” (Anecdote: an unidentified man was spontaneously cured of colon cancer through his minister’s prayer before the prayer was even said!) “ [3]

Another peer? Dean Radin, who “has a master’s degree in electrical engineering and a Ph.D. in educational psychology from the University of Illinois. He is director of the Consciousness Research Laboratory and Senior Scientist and Laboratory Director at the Institute of Noetic Sciences. He also does research for the Boundary Institute. He’s been active in psi research for several decades and has published more than 200 papers related to parapsychology.” [4]

Interestingly, Radin was both a peer who reviewed it, and a co-author. Radin admitted to removing the double-blind aspect to get rid of some results that didn’t match what he wanted to see. That’s most definitely NOT scientific. Nor is it honest.

Radin is also the the Co-editor-in-Chief of….wait for it…

Explore.

The journal that published Emoto’s work. Do you smell a rat? I do.

Was it Double-Blind?
Only to the truth, apparently. Dean Radin, Emoto’s partner in aqua-crime, has a reputation that precedes him; albeit a bad one.

“Radin has been known to select data that fits his hypothesis and ignore that which doesn’t, and so there’s no reason to think that hasn’t happened here. Radin even admits he un-blinded the study to eliminate some data he didn’t like. Add the fact that there was no control group, the null hypotheses were not even rejected, and the only interesting thing they found required some (admitted by the authors) post hoc rationalization, and there really isn’t much left worth looking at.” [5]

In a paper entitled, “Review and analysis of Dr. Masaru Emoto’s published work on the effects of external stimuli on the structural formation of ice crystals,” Vermont’s Castleton State College professor Kristopher Setchfield had this to say:

 

” It is this crucial lack of scientific foundation that prevents Dr. Emoto’s work from attracting interest by widely accepted and respected scientists at long-standing research institutions. This is unfortunate for the world if there is, after all, truth to his claims–as reproduction of his results by any scientist would lend much credence to his work. A little change in Emoto’s experimental design would do great things for the credibility of his claims. I recommend the following to ground his work in sound scientific principle:

  • * Eliminate the possibility of the scientist’s bias affecting the experiment’s results by implementing double blind procedures.
  • * Publish the entire collection of photos for all water sample tests that he has performed, not just the ones that support his claim.
  • * Minimize the sources of possible error in his procedures, such as variation in temperature and humidity between sample.
  • * Pay more attention to the time-tested methods of the scientific community rather than disregarding them. Emoto’s research could go much farther if he could interest scientists around the world in testing his hypothesis.


After the lengthy review of Emoto’s research methods and results, I have come to believe that Dr. Emoto is offering pseudoscience to the masses in the guise of defensible research. Only time and review by others will tell if there is any truth at the heart of Mr. Emoto’s claims, as Emoto himself thoroughly believes in his findings but does not value the scientific method or community. What is truly fearsome is the great numbers of people that accept his words as proven facts without looking deeper to find out if his claims are truly justified. While I respect Dr. Emoto’s desire to save the Earth’s water from contamination and pollution, unless he can produce a scientific paper and get it published in a scientific journal, I believe that he will continue to be ignored by the scientific community, and his claims will never be soundly proved or disproved.” [6]

James Randi, the infamous debunker of all things paranormal, has offered his usual one million dollar prize to Emoto if he can reproduce, in a REAL double-blind study, showing all his methods and results, that his claims are true. Emoto has not accepted the offer.

This is a sure sign of esoteric spirituality at its most embarrassing. Now, there is a whole slew of products based on this magical water, and gullible consumers are lining the pockets of those who offer it.

I can only call on an altered version of that beloved Styx song and say, “Domo arigato, Mr. Emoto.” Thank you for giving us another reason to scoff at the scientifically ignorant, and for the opportunity to expose you for the charlatan you are.

——————————————————————–
[1] Water Cluster Quakery: The Junk Science of Structure-Altered Waters
http://www.chem1.com/CQ/clusqk.html. Stephen Lower is a retired faculty member of the
Dept of Chemistry, Simon Fraser University Burnaby / Vancouver, Canada

[2] http://www.skepdic.com/microacupuncture.html
[3]
http://www.gpposner.com/Healing_Words.html
[4]
http://www.skepdic.com/refuge/radin1.html
[5]
Skeptico: Critical Thinking for an irrational world. Mar 28, 2009. “Distant From Science”
[6]
Vitalis News. http://www.vitalisnews.com/emoto.htm

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The Kill of Rights

The Recurrent Amnesia about Separation of Church & State
excerpt from
Supernatural Hypocrisy:
The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology
by Kelli Jae Baeli

 

“Democracy demands that the religiously motivated translate
their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific, values.
It requires that their proposals be subject to argument, and
amenable to reason.” ~ President Barack Obama

CLEARLY, THE FOUNDING FATHERS intended for religion to remain separate from government, though modern Americans continue to forget about this, or twist it to their own purposes. The Intention of our Founders, and United States Constitution are clear about this matter, yet there are myriad examples of its violation.

We actually entertain the idea of having creationism taught as fact in our schools. When we vote, we often have to go to a church to do so. When we go to ballgames, we must listen to some local pastor say a prayer; when we enter the halls of government buildings, we must pass by marble displays of the biblical Ten Commandments; when our tax dollars go to the upkeep of faith-based schools; when we celebrate a National Day of Prayer; when we pay for something with money that has “In God we Trust” stamped on it; when our children recite the Pledge of Allegiance, to include “One nation, under God”; and when the newly elected President of the United States is inaugurated, and has to place his hand on a bible to take his oath of office.

John Locke, an English philosopher of the 17th Century, wrote about a “Social Contract” theory, in which individual conscience was left to the individual, and should never be given over to governments. This eventually developed popularity and was ultimately referred to as separation of church and state.

The phrase, “Separation of church and state” stems from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson in 1802, addressed to the Danbury Baptists:

Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.

In the 1797 Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11 states, “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion…” And Jefferson went on to say,


The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.[1]

 

The proper place for the study of religious beliefs is in a church or temple, at home, or in a course on comparative religions, but not in a biology class. There is no place in our world for an ideology that seeks to close minds, force obedience, and return the world to a paradise that never was. Students should learn that the universe can be confronted and understood, that ideas and authority should be questioned, that an open mind is a good thing. Education does not exist to confirm people’s superstitions, and children do not learn to think when they are fed only dogma.” [Tim Berra, Evolution and the Myth of Creationism]

James Madison was the primary author of the Bill of Rights, and in it, he also reiterated the importance of separation of church and state. Jefferson echoed this sentiment in the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom.

Though these words exist as underpinning to our dealings with religion and service, it is near impossible for a person of no faith to get elected. Recently, in the 2008 elections, Republican candidate for North Carolina senate, Elizabeth Dole, ran an “attack ad” which labeled her opponent, Kay Hagan “godless.” At the end of the ad, a woman’s voice is heard saying “There is no god.” This was an underhanded way to implicate Hagen as an unworthy candidate, because the recording was not of Hagen. Dole has since been sued by Hagen for liable and defamation, and Hagen felt the need to run her own ad professing her Christianity. Dole, incidentally, lost the race.

This is another example of how religion permeates our society, even in the realm of politics. I fail to see the correlation between lack of religion and an inability to serve honorably, but most Americans don’t seem to agree. The reason seems to be that “godless” people are somehow less trustworthy, less moral, less ethical and less capable of serving in an office that seeks to represent the common good.

There are many historical figures who agree. One of them said,

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the President-should he be Catholic-how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference, and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him, or the people who might elect him.

This, from one of our nation’s most beloved public servants, John F. Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States of America. And he was, as is common knowledge, a practicing Catholic.

I hope to one day be called to testify in a court of law. Because when they say “Raise your right hand…do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

I will say, “Not so help me, God, no.”

I will enjoy the tittering and mumbling moving through the spectators.

The judge will lean over and say “Why not, Ms. Baeli?”

And I will say, “I believe in the separation of church and state, and furthermore, I’m an atheist. But I’ll be happy to swear on the value of my own ethics.”

When we give churches and clerics and theologians and pastors our power; when we allow them to dictate our behavior, our thoughts and even our own feelings, then we have divorced ourselves not only from our own innate intelligence, but from hope. The facsimile that the religious leaders would have us put in place there, in that gaping hole, is a false promise. Carrier elaborates:

…religion has become a factory-made commodity, sold off the shelf to the masses, who assume it must be good if it is really old and lots of smarter and better educated people say it’s a good buy (“8 out of 10 experts recommend Christian Brand Salvation!”). People think they can just plug such a goodie into their lives, maybe with a few unskilled adjustments of their own, and never have to think about whether it is well-constructed, well-thought-out, or even true. Some people, more creative but no wiser, take a shallow glance around and tear pieces from existing products, or grab whatever pops into their heads, and throw together something of their own, with little in the way of careful investigation or analysis (p. 4).

Recently, I watched all the episodes of the Showtime series, The Tudors. Investigating the historical accuracy of the show, I was impressed to learn that almost all of it was true to the actual events as known by historians. The most troubling thing about the series is that it reveals the unfathomable power the Catholic church has had in our history. The power not only to control the masses through fear of deprivation, hellfire, or simple starvation and execution, but the power also to legitimize the crimes that these godly people commit. Whenever a person in power wanted something, all he had to do was find a way, by any means available, to get it sanctified by the church, and he could have it.

When King Henry VIII wanted to marry Anne Boleyn, he had to convince the church to annul his marriage to Catherine. Since they didn’t cooperate, he managed to remove those who opposed him and place someone else in that position who could make it happen. And Catherine was exiled, along with her daughter, whom she never got to see again. Then when the machinations of other people with an agenda got so convoluted that there were accusations made against Anne, regarding her behavior with other men, accusers were easily found, due to their fear of being executed themselves. Same with the Inquisition. If you inflict enough pain or fear of pain or death on someone, they will admit to anything, and that means, the truth is never known. Anne and her whole family, plus some others, were beheaded, by the way.

H.L. Mencken, the infamous journalist who covered the Scopes “Monkey Trial,”[2] said, “You can safely say that you have made God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

That’s exactly what was happening with Henry Tudor and all like him; and what has happened throughout history when politics were mixed with religion, when faith was mixed with fear, and when greed and human nature does what they always do. How many people throughout history have been going about their business, harming no one, when some headhunter with an agenda coerced them–even terrorized them–into snitching on someone else? And how many people throughout history have dedicated their lives serving this unseen, unknowable entity called God, only to wind up either old, poor, miserable, with nothing to look forward to but a promise that never comes to fruition, or worse–with their heads on a chopping block, and a steel blade sluicing through their skin? Many a martyr had a rude awakening when their lives were just over, and there was no Pearly Gates, nor loving savior to greet them. Those tragedies alone are enough to rival all other tragedies.

I share this to make the point that when a monarchy or a church has God, ostensibly, on their side, they can justify anything they might desire. A religion that easily corrupted cannot possibly be real. This is another searing example of the need for separation of church and state.

So, it is only a small step to advance to the ideals of humanism. To live your life ethically, as you already know how to do without stone tablets to tell you, to seek joy whenever possible to love and laugh and make the most of the time we have, because life is precious, and this is all we have.

———————————————-

[1] Notes on Virginia, 1782
[2] For the uninitiated, that was State v. Scopes. In 1925, John Scopes, a school teacher, was arrested and charged with violating the Butler Act, which deemed it unlawful to teach anything but creationism in the classroom. He had used material from Darwin’s Origin of Species in class. This trial was about so many things, but it pitted William Jennings Bryan (prosecution) against Clarence Darrow defense) and was the fuse that lit the debate among creationists and evolutionists. For a quick and entertaining explanation, rent the 1960 movie, Inherit the Wind. It’s one of my all-time favorites.

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Show & Tell

 

I’m thinking about how you can’t believe what people say,
only what they do.
And if all they do is say and never do,
then avoiding them is what I have to do.

No, I don’t usually trust people right away. And with good reason. But this suspicion doesn’t manifest in my reticence to make friends, nor my with-holding of laughter or affection or opportunity. It manifests in my head, where no one can see it. I give people enough rope, and they either hang themselves, or weave me a pretty basket. Either way, I have my answer.

If a person gives me every indication, in words and in manner, that they are interested in getting to know me, being part of my life somehow, they will have an open book to read. But if they don’t follow through, all I can do is walk away. In this age of cyber-connections, it’s easy to forget how to nurture real relationships. They require time and effort. They require giving part of yourself to that person, in trust that your heart won’t be folded, spindled, or mutilated. This damage can happen whether romantic or platonic in nature.

I have enough healthy confidence to know that what i bring to any type of relationship is valuable and rare. It’s too bad that there are people who don’t appreciate it. When I say I want to get to know someone, I mean it. I want to share space with them, talk, laugh, share experiences. If a person would rather be alone, then that means they don’t want to be with you, either. Show and Tell means showing, and telling.

I want to connect with you in other ways besides cyberspace, or a text message. I want the text messages to be few and only when needed or convenient, the phone calls to be a last resort, and to have us within touching distance be the primary way we interact. If a person can’t offer that, then a person has nothing to offer. I can get that kind of one-dimensional pleasure by watching Brothers & Sisters.

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From Dreamword Mant to the Noosphere

This would be another example of how i go from one tidbit to an entirely new tidbit, both of which seem completely unrelated. This tactic has been useful in the development of plots and characters and ideas in my books. I pay attention to my dreams and often use them in my work.


I fell asleep researching and working on my book Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology.

I was aggravated for hours about my vision issues–none of my contacts or reading glasses seem to work well for my computer work or reading…unless I take out the contacts and wear a previous pair of glasses from years ago. The more things change, the more things stay the same?
(Weirdness).
Anyway,

I wake from a dream that I was at the eye doctor, and he was checking my eyes with a light, and he said. “Just look over there at that mant.”

“Mant?” I asked.

“Yes, the mant. Look at the mant.”

I didn’t want to admit I had never heard that term, (I am both consciously and subconsciously a word-whore…or, in the professional terminology, logophile). So I just looked at something over in the general vicinity he indicated; but then I was afraid the new prescription wouldn’t be any better than the old one.

So I said, “Okay, maybe you can point to what I should be looking at, because I don’t know what a mant is.”

The assistant and the doctor both frowned at me, perplexed, as if there were something terribly wrong with my brain.

And I woke up.

Being the Curious-Jae I am, I had to look up “mant” because I always secretly hope my subconscious mind will give me something interesting…
I could find nothing except:

  • an acronym for Mantech International on the stock exchange,
  • an abbreviation for some type of chemical,
  • a film within a film, called “Mant!” 1

…and then there was this:

It seems there was a gentleman named Richard Mant. A churchman and writer, Mant, in 1839, wrote a commentary on the whole Bible.

Now the obvious question for me was, had I, at some time during my research for my book, heard of this Richard Mant, skimming over some page, and it got lodged in my brain somewhere, jiggled loose by my recent renewal of work on a religiously-themed book?

Or, like the spiritual adherents of the modern age might assume, was I being TOLD something from Higher Self or channeling it from someone else in the noosphere or Great Cosmic Ether?

Or…was it just a coincidence?

I was sidetracked from those questions by the word noosphere. And here, see it happened again, whatever this thing is that happened…While typing this, the world noosphere just came right out automatically, and I thought–is that the right word? (I always do that with interesting or out of the ordinary words). So, as always, I looked it up to be sure.

It seems that noosphere refers to the “collective consciousness” of human beings. This noosphere concept has more to it than might initially meet the eye. For instance:

 

It emerges through and is constituted by the interaction of human minds. The noosphere has grown in step with the organization of the human mass in relation to itself as it populates the earth. As mankind organizes itself in more complex social networks, the higher the noosphere will grow in awareness. This is an extension of Teilhard’s Law of Complexity/Consciousness, the law describing the nature of evolution in the universe. Teilhard argued that the noosphere is growing towards an even greater integration and unification, culminating in the Omega Point, which he saw as the goal of history. The goal of history, then, is an apex of thought/consciousness.2

And there was this passage:

“In The Gone-Away World, a novel by Nick Harkaway, Earth is devastated in a war fought with “Go-Away Bombs” — weapons which erase the information content of matter, causing it to disappear from reality. The fallout of these bombs, called “Stuff”, subsequently draws information from the noosphere, “reifying” human ideas and thoughts into physical form and creating a fantasy landscape of monsters and horrors.” (Wikipedia)

It actually sounds like a book I’d enjoy reading, because it’s such a creative premise.

…I won’t even go into the content of a PDF file entitled “Akashic Field Evidence” 3–though it might be fascinating to look at more closely.

Further along, I saw, “The noosphere concept of ‘unification’ was elaborated in popular science fiction by Julian May in the Galactic Milieu Series.” I have two books by Julian May and have been hoping to sell or give them away to someone who can follow this style of writing. It was a fantasy of sorts that had way too much alien jargon for me to wade through. I was always lost, and didn’t understand what was happening, and everyone who knows me, knows that I NEED to understand what’s happening.

So, another set of apparently disparate ideas, springing from a dream I had, and spurring me to investigate further.

Welcome to my life.



1. Mant! trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_kTbWDxITw) about some radioactive mutation of man and ant…
2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noosphere
3http://www.stanislavgrof.com/pdf/Akashic%20Field%20Evidence.PDF

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The Stuttering Murderer Who Was God’s Bitch

Excerpt from
Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonanceof a God Cosmology

WHILE A PHARAOH WAS ordering all male Hebrew babies killed, the mother of Moses attempted to spare his life by placing him in a basket as a three month old infant, and sending him floating down the river, where the daughter of Egyptian royalty found him and raised him. All very dramatic, but not in the least original.

In fact, this story was originally a Babylonian tale about King Sargon, rendered a very long time before Moses was born. Again, this is a borrowed myth found in the bible, but presented as a unique bit of biblical history.

According to scripture, Moses was a humble man with a speech impediment. God never praised him for his servitude, other than to say “…my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house.” (Numbers 12:7). That’s why I see him as God’s Bitch.

Chosen by God, though he was, Moses was nonetheless a murderer. One wonders why God chooses murderers as his favorites. Moses had killed an Egyptian man for beating a Hebrew man, and escaped once his crime was found out (Exodus 2:11). Maybe the tainted past of Moses is precisely why he was chosen. God wanted him to do some unsavory things. He needed to know he was capable of it.

And he even broke the Ten Commandments—literally. Broke the tablets. When he returned from the mountain, with those big, huge, heavy tablets in hand, and saw the big party going on, he threw them down and broke them in anger (Exodus 32:19). Now, if you had words written “by the finger of God” in your hands, would you thoughtlessly throw them down and break them? Just a postscript. In the famous Rembrandt painting, Moses is depicted holding these two stone tablets over his head, as if they were made of Styrofoam. This would of course be true for Charlton Heston in the movie version, but obviously wouldn’t be true at the alleged event. I just find things like that comical.

Oh, and the story of the tablet? Also previously found in Babylonian myth of Hammurabi. A child is born in secret, the child had to be sent away because of events going on, the child was placed in a basket of bulrushes, sealed with tar and sent adrift on a river, and then the child was discovered by someone who became a foster parent. Just like many of the stories in the Bible, this one is no different. There can be found striking parallels to other ancient stories. The birth of Moses is merely one.

Later, Moses gets married and becomes a shepherd, and then sees the burning bush, and it’s God, who introduces Himself and tells him He wants Moses to free his people (The Hebrews) from the oppression of Egypt, and guide them all to the Land of Canaan, where there is milk and honey and all that jazz. But first, he has to take the magical powers God will give him and show the Egyptians, so they’ll let him go, and God also demonstrates a few magic tricks, then gives Moses permission to plunder the Egyptians before he begins the journey.

Moses is still a little hesitant, because he doesn’t communicate well, and has a speech impediment, and God assures him he will be able to do it properly because He will help. Moses is still unsure and this makes God mad, so he says he will allow his brother Aaron, who is well-spoken to relay God’s message, and so Moses can tell Aaron, and then Aaron can do the talking. And what does Moses finally have to say, at the behest of God Almighty? “Israel is my son, My first-born[1] and…Let my son go so that he may serve me, but you have refused to let him go. Behold, I will kill your son, your first born.” So, more killing, sanctified by God.

God then decided to kill Moses, but no one seems to know why, and changed his mind, when the mother of that first-born, cut the end of her baby’s penis off[2] and threw it at Moses.

When Moses confronts the Pharaoh, his parlor tricks weren’t all that impressive, because it seems the Pharaoh’s magicians could do the same things. So what was so special about God giving Moses the same abilities?

Then, Moses turns the river to blood, and the magicians could do that too, so the Pharaoh still didn’t listen. The Nile was polluted and undrinkable, yet the Egyptians lived for 7 days, and maybe longer, who knows, with no water. Egypt, kids, is in Africa. It was hot. Wonder how everyone survived?

Then came the plague of frogs, which the magician’s were also able to replicate.

Then the plague of gnats, and the magicians couldn’t seem to replicate that trick, and thus announced it “the finger of God” finally.[3] The same type of thing happened repeatedly with different plague-forms afterward; from dying cattle, to boils, to hail, to locusts.[4]But notice that with the plague of boils, the repeated phrase, “But the heart of the Pharaoh was hardened” or “but Pharaoh hardened his heart” then became “And the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart.”

Now, if God was trying to convince the Pharaoh to listen to Him, through Moses, then why in the world would He harden Pharaoh’s heart? God was playing his own Devil’s Advocate. Makes no sense.

Then when the Hail Plague was on its way, the bible states that those who did not heed the warning would die. If God wasn’t yelling this from the heavens, how did everyone know about it? Again, a flaw in the plot written by God.

After the hail, the Pharaoh finally got the picture and admitted he had sinned against God. Then changed his mind when the hail ceased. Was God toying with him again?

Next, God sent the plague of locusts (because the gnats weren’t insecty enough, I suppose).

Then finally we see that God was indeed doing all this so he could make fools of the Egyptians and word would travel about how God doesn’t screw around. But why would an omnipotent being need to go through this song and dance when he could have just smote the Pharaoh and left a burning, handwritten message on the floor next to him?

Then the Pharaoh repented again, but God flipped the hard-heart switch and he reneged once more. Then the same thing happened with three days of darkness over the land, and finally, Pharaoh was so flustered by being bandied about by the manipulations of God, that he told Moses to go and take his livestock and his people, and if he ever saw his face again, Moses would die, and Moses said something like “you’re right, I won’t see your face again!” These men were just marionettes for the Almighty.

Then for good measure, God sent one more plague.[5] And it was a doozy. He decided to kill all the first born sons of every family in Egypt, (to include the first born of the animal kingdom present there). Seems God was just as fond of killing first-born sons, as Pharaohs. In this case, when God saw enough blood running in the streets, he would protect the Hebrews from the massacre He Himself rendered. And this, my friends, is known as Passover. The lovely festival celebrated by Jews. A holiday rendered in the blood of innocents. Amen, and praise His name.

This was by no means the whole story of Moses, but with these points in mind, it’s hard to view the Pentateuch[6] as anything other than another myth, unless you instead choose to worship a god of this ilk. And yet, Christians base their beliefs on information of this sort.

———————————————————————————————–

[1] That would make Jesus the Second-born?
[2] AKA, circumcision.
[3] Though why it wasn’t the “hand of God” I cannot surmise; perhaps because gnats are small, they assumed it must only take a God-Finger.

[4] Didn’t he already do the insect thing?
[5] He must have been having too much fun and couldn’t help Himself.

[6] The first five books of the Hebrew Bible, also called the Torah. In Greek, the word Pentateuch means “five volumes.”

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Stored Memories & Domestic Trivia

Yesterday, i went to Colorado Springs to start dealing with the storage i have there. It’s been percolating for 7 years. Odd, how so much of it i didn’t even recall having. Not that i remembered after i saw it–i mean, i saw it and still didn’t remember having it.
Weirdness.

The first surprise was when i opened the door. For those of you my age and older, you might think “Fibber McGee’s closet…” For the rest of you, I’m not sure what analogy you’d think of. But i needed a heavy duty shoehorn to start getting that stuff out.

The second surprise was how, all these years, i pictured it as a bigger room, and not packed so tight. Like i expected to be able to just walk in without moving anything. Funny, how our minds superimpose ideas that aren’t even accurate. (That’s why eye witnesses are considered the most unreliable testimony).

Picking through it, i had to open boxes to see what was in them, and it was very much like Xmas. I didn’t know what i was going to find, and sometimes it was a pleasant surprise. Things i had forgotten, things that engendered good memories, things that made me maudlin. Photographs, bedding, art, books, my handwritten journals. All of it gave me some kind of emotion.

I’ve got lots of work to do this month, selecting what to keep and what to sell on Craigslist, and what to toss or donate.

My apartment, alas, is still not put together completely. It’s hard for me to get all the things i need in the bedroom. Since i record music, write, sleep in this room, it’s all packed in tight. If it becomes too claustrophobic, i may have to give up that great dining room table and use that spot for my office. I had this idea that i would have dinner parties.. Who am i kidding? That kitchen is meant for people who don’t cook. No storage at all.

But I’m still happy I’m here.

I’ll adjust to those domestic challenges and finally have the life i’ve wanted for so long. Colorado is a great place to have your mid-life crisis.

It’s all good.

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Food, Sex & Purpose

I wanted Chinese. Had a hankering, you might say. And i thought of how great it would be to go have Chinese with some new friend I’ve made. But they are all busy. I guess it will take longer than 10 days for me to get in sync with everyone else’s schedules here.

But i still craved Chinese.

So i went for Fast Chinese food At Panda Express.

I’ve never been to a fast food Chinese place before.
Pretty cool. Like Subway. You tell them what you want and they put it in the box.

I had fried rice, orange chicken, honey walnut shrimp with crab rangoon with a side of sweet and sour sauce. It was pretty good. I watched a Netflix and ate in my recliner. It’s not so bad being alone when you have plenty of options. Like options for good food that you don’t have to drive an hour and a half to find. I adore eating out, because I’ve frankly had everything i can buy at the grocery, and I’m bored with it. I am hoping the groceries here are a little more diverse. I think it’s a getting older thing. You just get bored with things. It’s BTDT–Been There Done That syndrome.

My friend Veep says that she thinks it all comes down to food and sex. I’d venture to add another, and say it comes down to food and sex and purpose. Though i do believe your purpose must sometimes change.

My purpose has morphed repeatedly.
Here’s an explanatory snippet from a segment of my life:

First, my purpose was to walk again, regardless of what they told me my fate was.
Then it was to work on my writing skills in my spare time, and full-time, be the best singer-songwriter i could be and always try to put on a good show.
Then it was to get over my broken heart.
Then it was to finish writing all those books i started.
Then it was to find a way to enjoy food again.
Then it was to find a lifemate.
Then it was to get laid.
Then it was to be more social.
Then it was to write and find a lifemate.
Then it was to write and get laid.
Then it was to create art to distract me from the fact that i was bored with food, and couldn’t get laid.
Then it was to lose all this extra weight finally.
Then it was to find happiness.
Then it was to recover from my disc injury.
Then it was to move to Colorado.

Now, it is to write more books, create more art, record more music, be more social, get laid and find my lifemate.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. But i do see a pattern there. And it is about food (sometimes–because i love to eat out), and sex (because i always like to eat in–sorry, i could not let that one go), then it was, repeatedly, about purpose. Every single thing on that list was about purpose. Am I giving something to this world and the people in it? Is my life meaningful? Am I attractive, desirable? Am I worthy? Am i good? Boil all that down, and it is the gruel of Do I matter, or am I just disappearing?

It took me a while (too long) to figure out that I had painted myself into a corner. Now that I walked through that wet paint and traveled far enough for it to finally wear off my shoes, I’m standing here at the entrance to my new life, hoping I can finally have the things i long for, but never find.

They say that when you eat Chinese Food, you’re hungry an hour later. That’s my life. Momentary satisfaction, punctuated by long periods of hunger.

Oh, and that fortune cookie. Funny thing about that. That’s the fortune i got a few weeks ago, too. SO the first change for the better was moving, i suppose. The second–not sure yet.

Maybe that’s tomorrow. Can’t be as simple as dealing with old storage….gotta be more dramatic or romantic than that.

I suspect it’s not about what I’m doing, but who i run into along the way.

Let’s hope that’s not in the literal sense: I’m still learning to drive in big city traffic.

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Women’s Homophobic Meetup Group


Several friends have asked about my evening with the Women’s Social meetup group. So thought I’d jot a little blurb to let you all know that I don’t think I’ll be hanging out with that group.

We met at Baker Street Pub in Lakewood–great place. I’m sure I’ll go there a lot. Just not with these people. I had nothing in common with them. Just a little example…

They were all talking about dating, and I was asked directly what kind of men I date. I wanted to say, “The kind with breasts and lipstick” but was afraid they would think I like to date drag queens. So I said. “I don’t date men.”

And one lady said, “Oh, burned out?”

I said, “No. I just don’t date MEN.”

Then things got quiet. You’d think I had just said I was a Muslim Jihadist, looking for a passport. I said, “Look at that, I just outed myself, and everyone forgot how to talk.”

They sort of laughed nervously, and then the subject got changed quickly. The group organizer asked another woman something.

So a few minutes later when another participant said she had to leave, I said I did too. “I have a date,” I said. “With a NON-man.”

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Making Tracks

So my first First Fridays at Tracks.

I went, faithfully following my GPS, and watching the little pulsing blue dot that was me on the map, as I veered repeatedly from the route I was supposed to take. I’ve discovered that if I just drive straight shots through town, I do better. The Highway is confusing and I end up taking the wrong lane and having to circle back and start over.

Later I ran into Tina and her friend and spent a little time with them. Everyone wanted to steal my electronic cigarette. I must get some stock to sell. Or get a referral fee from the guy I send them to online…

Anyway, I have re-verification, now, that one cannot make friends at a nightclub. One must have friends first and go with them, or meet them there. Otherwise, you wind up the solitary creature holding up the East wall. So what do you do when you just moved and have few friends in the area? hang out with them, and make new ones as you can, outside the nightclub. I have spoken.

I went home at a respectable hour, and on the way, got a text from Rheana that she was at Tracks and was I still there? I turned around and went back. I wanted to see Rheana. I hadn’t seen her in years. And besides, i needed the practice driving around.

I was equal parts excited and uneasy. I am, after all, a recovered agoraphobe. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many women–gay or otherwise- in one room at the same time. There must have been around a thousand of them. One person commented that it was “A slow night.” I was there a few hours and felt stupid, being alone.

While Rheana danced with her girlfriend, I stood aside and took a few pictures. A young woman sidled up next to me and started a conversation. After initial introductory small talk, she asked, “Do you live in Denver?”

“Lakewood,” I said, “I just moved here.”

“Oh? Where did you move from?”

“Hell,” I said. She giggled, possibly because she didn’t believe me. I couldn’t bear to burst her bubble. There really were many hells to be had on earth.

“Are you a lesbian?” she asked next.

I laughed. “Why yes, I am.”

“It’s just that you don’t look like one.”

“Thank god,” I said, like the true atheist I also am.

“How old are you?” she wanted to know.

I hate that question. “How old do i look?”

She squinted at me in the strobing, pulsing lights. “Twenty nine.”

“Bless you, my child.” Kills me how everyone always thinks I’m younger. I guess I should not complain, since I’m smack dab in the middle of a mid-life crisis.

 

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Going to Denver Because You’re Dead (2)


In this second installment, I am on my way, the tone of the journey being set right away in Joplin, a mere 60 minutes from my starting place…

Fri August 1 at 9:08am~
Jae:: in Joplin at loves truckstop. Having food and getting ice for my neck. It’s swelling. It’s tedious already driving 45mph I feel like I’m going to CO on horseback.

Veep: but not bareback…..right?

Jae: Yes, bareback, where all the trouble is to be found.

First, i get back on the exit and take the wrong turn, winding up on an access road next to the interstate, but not actually on it. And of course there are no convenient on ramps. Just a one lane blacktop that begins to look as though it leads to nowhere. Finally, i have to try to turn around and that’s not an easy task when you’re pulling an overloaded trailer. The best turn around is always to make a complete circle. But of course there was no room to make a circle where i was. I found a “Y” in the road and maneuvered back and forth for a long time until i finally was able to circle around. That wasted a good 30 minutes of drive-time. I got back on the interstate, and endured the sensation of ice water dripping down my back from the ice pack on my neck. Now, every time i got out, my backside would be soaked. It would look like i didn’t make it to the potty. And i didn’t care. I just wanted to get this trip over with. And it had only just started…

Fri at 9:21pm~
Jae: after stop am almost to Wichita. Back on the road now.

Fri at 10:06pm~
Veep: Glad that you missed the Reverend Fred Phelps in Wichita with his “God Hates Lesbians with Cats and U-Hauls” sign…..and that after checking, all your fluids are normal…..Oh, I mean vehicle fluids that is…:-)
Jae woulda kicked his ass!

Fri at 10:05pm~
TPenny: Kansas is so boring!!!!!!! My son, Josh, the architecture student, says Wichita is the ugliest city he has ever seen! LOL! You be careful out there!!!!

 

Jae: Correct. It is also the city of my birth. But believe me it was nothing like it is now. I shall make haste out of mind numbing Kansas. Luya Sat at 12:18am~

 

Somewhere during one of my turnarounds, i got lost again, and came across this big sign that says “This is God’s Country. Where Jesus is Lord.” That explained it. It was a conspiracy against his godless one who was trekking toward a new life. I wish I’d had time to take a picture of that sign.

July 31 at 10:40pm
Veep: she’s GOING….homo

TPenny: This is strange, but I miss you as if we actually saw each other every day while you were here. You let me know you are okay.

Jae: Aw. I will. I feel like that with u too. I think we were meant to be friends, we just didn’t know until we crossed paths again. I hope you’ll come see me soon.

July 31 at 11:05pm~
TPenny: Does anyone else feel like Jae leaving Arkansas has somehow made the entire state feel emptier? I told her that I already miss her as if I saw her everyday, and, hell, I haven’t actually seen her since high school. Weird and sad. Be glad when she gets there and starts her chatter on here. It’s too quiet without her.

July 31 at 11:21pm~
Veep: She’s trying to get some sleep right now and I’m calling again in a bit to make sure she’s ok. Yeah…..I hate the Hell out of it. I’m sad. But it’s good for her…..it’s good to see her happy again, making plans, feeling energized, getting her creative juices “flowing” (I know she’s gonna make something our of that and I walked smack into it…) being somewhere that lifts her up…so even if it ain’t good for the rest of us…if you love her…you gotta listen to what it is she says she needs and support her in it…ya know?

TPenny: yeah, most definitely…it’s gonna be fun sharing her adventures vicariously on here, and, hey, we still gotta do our fear and loathing thing sometime!!!! LOL.

Veep: Oh yeah… Fear and Loathing ..The Road Trip…absolutely. We can stop and picket at Fred Phelps church with dark shades on, cigarettes on long holders…..signs that say ” God doesn’t even hate YOUR ignorant ass…..but wishes He hadn’t wasted the flesh”

TPenny: LMAO!!! That would give me such pleasure, you just don’t even know how much I would love to do that!!!! To him, and a thousand other “good Christians” like him.

Jae: ok shut my eyes for 20 min. Back on road with cats in the cubby hole behind the seats. Biscuit won’t get out of litterbox. She’s lying in it –Freak feline. I’m off.

TPenny: Or that she’s scared shitless, so it’s okay to sleep in there…

Veep: August 1 at 1:13am~ lol….yeah that!

August 1 at 12:25am~
TPenny: Really nasty line of storms around Wichita, but once that line passes, you are free and clear. Maybe just stay put for a bit. strong winds and hail are likely in that storm.

Jae: Thanks Tan! Put I’ll stay. I was about to say I might nap but this is not a gentle rain. Lightning cracked over my head and gave me palps. Whew.

August 1 at 12:40am~
TPenny: What are you doing now???? Maybe you should just get a room for the night and get out of that storm. I’ll give you my card number if you need money for one.

Jae: Wow Tan. U are so sweet. It’s calmed a bit I’m gonna see if I can go slow. If not I’ll pull over again. We have to (re) meet so I can go ahead and call u one of my best friends. Love u for being u. Keep sending weather info. I’m north of Wichita heading toward Salina on I-35 then will go west toward co Loading…

TPenny: Ok. But please don’t be a hard head. If you need to sleep, I want you to sleep somewhere safely, preferably behind a locked door. I’ve just eaten a half can of cappuccino mix, so I’m wide awake and right next to ya. LOL! The storm is moving southeast, so thankfully you should be moving in the opposite direction and out of it.

1:27am~Where are you now? Once to Salina you should have smooth sailing and out of the storms all the way in to the Denver area.

Brian Cunningham: Weather Underground says 50 to 60 percent chance of thunderstorms until 10am

Sat at 1:25am~
Jae: Great. Until the time I’m supposed to BE there. Hells bells. Thanks Tan and Bri for keeping tabs on me. Veep has Been calling me every couple hrs. I have great friends!

Stopped to change to different type of contacts, hoping it would improve the vision. At a rest stop in Wichita area. And that’s when the rainstorm began. I can tell by how it’s rocking me sitting still that it was a good thing I was pulled over. (sigh)

August 1 at 12:46am~
TPenny: Me and Veep are going to do the Fear and Loathing thing. You are going to die laughing when you open your front door and there we stand dressed like that. I’m gonna jump thru the doorway, ducking and muttering about the bats. LOL!

August 1 at 12:53am~
Jae: Lol oh where is my mega butterfly net. Or I guess that would be bat net! Love u guys!

TPenny: re Hunter S. Thompson, I want the long cigarette holder. I’d give it to you but I’m not sure your electronic cig would work right in it.

Jae: I’ll just use my long ecig. It looks that way anyway. And apparently I need to refresh myself on Thompson.

Sat at 12:22am~
TPenny: I did not know that!!!! There’s the new thing I’ve learned today. Well and some stuff about Veep too. I got her to start telling me her life story and I agree with you, she definitely should write this down. She’s evil with her chapter endings too! Stops on a cliffhanger every damn time. Please keep me posted on your whereabouts. And back at cha my sista!

BrianC: August 1 at 10:30am~ are you still in Kansas?

Jae: Dude, I was in Kansas for 40 days and 40 nights, i think. They should not …ALLOW…Kansas.

Sat at 12:20am~
Jae: ok shut my eyes for 20 min. Back on road with cats in the cubby hole behind the seats. Biscuit won’t get out of litterbox. She s lying in it Freak feline. I’m off.

Veep: Biscuit is being a pissy pussy….or trying to tell you that this road trip is a real crapper….

TPenny: Keep those eyes open!!!! August 1 at 1:05am~

TPenny: August 1 at 1:29am~You might just be the bravest woman I know. If I were out there, I’d be like Biscuit – scared shitless!

Jae: August 1 at 2:16am~Really? Maybe u know something I don’t know. U work with cops afterall. But brave? This is my life. I’m usually all on my own.

3:01am~
Jae: pulled over at Mcpherson. am~ sleepy now! Stress and fatigue finally catching up to me.

August 1 at 3:06am~

Tried to get into hotel to use restroom and inside door locked. Resolved myself to debasing some leaves and scandalizing squirrels. But lady comes to door lets me in. Then bitches about how she’s tired of her place being the public restroom for the area. So wait, I think. You came out & called to me & let me in but only so you could complain about having done so? You should just keep your fat ass in your chair, Scooter.

Sat at 3:38am~
Veep: i just called you. no answer. please be bcuz you are sleeping? Pissing on the leaves and the squirrels?

August 1 at 3:53am~
TPenny: All right, I’m going to bed. Hopefully you are talking to Veep. I’ll check on you when I wake up. It was a blast talking to you…but strange in that it seems that we have never stopped talking. Be careful the rest of the way and good luck. Good Night or morning or whatever the hell time of day this is!!!! Be seein ya! (hugs)

Jae: Ditto. We’ve been friends on some other level for a long time it seems. Wish we’d re-met yrs ago! But I look fwd to a fantastic lifetime friendship with you Tan. And I’ll take ur advice on you-know who. Nap time. Catch ya later sweets.

Sat at 4:45am~
TPenny: did u get thru to her? If so, tell her I found my glasses. They were on my head…..LOL!

Sat at 4:56am~
Veep: just talked to her….you goob. I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so worried that she was hydroplaning into the abyss with all her crap in tow…..when a funnel cloud appeared with an ugly witch on a scooter laughing hysterically at her cat lying in the litter box with John Denver music in the background and midgets……everywhere…..

Jae: That was a laugh i sorely needed, Veep! Thank you!

TPenny: scooter people suck almost as badly as do circle queens!

Jae: Daily dose of pithy commentary we three peas on a pod.

Sat at 4:58am~
Jae: ok after an hour call with TPenny: I guess I should really take that nap.

Jae >>>TPenny: I LOVED talking to u. I told u we’re cosmic twins. XOXO.

Jae: Thanks, Tan.

TPenny: Goodnight you two…my brain just crashed…I’ll check on you when I wake up Jae bird, but please be careful.

Sat at 5:01am~
TPenny: “Murphy is my guardian Angel, see, with a full dance card and A.D.D”……..awesome lyrics


Kansas just never seems to end. That well-known phrase, “you’re not in Kansas anymore” is just wishful thinking or an outright LIE. Even on my GPS, in places, it looked like i was in the big middle of nowhere. In the photo>>>that really is what it looked like. That’s me, the lonely blue dot in the nothingness.

It inspired me to write a poem….

August 1 at 9:32pm~
Jae Baeli:
thru the vast expanse of neverending Kansas
at speeds not quite reaching aunt myrtle
with my home in this shell, and my neck straining forward

it’s rather like being a turtle.

August 1 at 2:18am~
Jae: Thx. U know u can call me. I’m just sitting here. We should at least talk on the phone once since ur right beside me in that hotel bed. Lol

August 1 at 2:21am~
TPenny: You are so bad!!!!! calling you, standby….

I was supposed to be sleeping, but once i got on the phone with TPenny:, it was like we were never anything but close friends all our lives. It’s so strange to know that we shared such a huge portion of our younger years and then lost touch for so long, and that now, it’s as if we are in each others lives daily. Not only that, but we seem to be Cosmic Twins–kindreds. We are so much alike, it’s scary.

That conversation lasted an hour and revived me to the point i could not take a nap. Not that naps were anything i can ever do if i’m driving a long distance, tired. I get those little terrors that make you wake up and go oh my god, i fell asleep at the wheel! You lose track of reality. Your brain gets confused. So the only sleep to be had is after i reach my destination, and then it will have to be drugged sleep so i won’t keep having terrors.

August 1 at 2:13am~
Jae: Refer to status update. In parking lot of hotel. Gonna nap. Storm gone. And Thanks for your concern and especially saying that you’re right next to me in that hotel. Mmm lol

TPenny: The idea was to go inside the hotel…and, ahem, I meant next to you in the Blazer, you goober! LOL!

Jae: Ah… My bad. (your loss) hehe. I’m just talkin smack. Smack-talker. Talker of smack.

TPenny: just another thing that makes you the wonderful goober you are! :)

With a good four hours to go, I could not fathom trying to get a hotel.. That would have wasted valuable time, because i knew i would have to try to dig the kitty cats out, and they had burrowed under in the back and there was no way i could leave them there while i went into a hotel room. Plus, by the time i got in there to crash, it would have only been a few hours before i had to leave again.

So i knew i simply had to stay awake. Coffee, my longtime companion, was finally not enough to get the job done. I stopped and got the 8 hour energy drinks. TWO. Problem was, they didn’t work. I could not tell the difference. So much for the advertising. So i bought a Red Bull and a large Double Strength Rockstar drink. THOSE worked. I was alert. I knew i’d make it then.

Bolstered by my renewed hope, I did the math and was chagrined to find that i still might not make it on time. The night agent would only be at the apartments until ten, but i called and he needed me to be there by 9p at the latest. I was saved when i noticed the time difference between stereo clock and iPhone. I realized that that I was on Mountain time, now. I had been given an extra hour.

So I was pumped.

Shoes and Biscuit were still hiding in the cubby hole, and i used a flashlight to check on them whenever i stopped. Monkey had, by this time taken to riding behind my head on the stack, or on the console, leaning on my arm. She was very good at traveling, overall.

When i got closer to Denver, I was so relieved to just know it was up ahead that i didn’t pull over to regroup. I drove right into town, following the GPS, but I had no idea which exit i was supposed to turn on. By this time, it was nearing 8pm.

That’s when my situation became clear. I was in a big city, in big city traffic, on an interstate highway, with cars all around going mostly above the speed limit, and I was driving 45mph with an overloaded trailer behind me, 3 days on 6 hours sleep, 30 hours of drive-time, and it was getting dark.

Then my GPS went blank. I thought it was the automatic shut-off. But it wouldn’t come back on. My phone was dead.

So I’m trying to put the charger into another receptacle and still keep myself not only on the road, but between the lines. Vehicles are whizzing past me, some honking at me, while I’m checking left and right mirrors to keep the U-Haul in the lane–i had about 8 inches leeway on each side, it seemed. Meanwhile, i was trying to get my GPS back up because without it, i was drifting in foreign space. I didn’t know where i was going. I tried to read the exit signs and get some clue, recognize some name that might ring a bell in my belfry. No such luck.

That’s when i realized i was nightblind. Moreso than throughout the rest of the trip, which i thought was simply fatigue. Now i knew i could not read the signs without being right on them. And that, combined with the other issues, was a recipe for disaster. I’d come so far. How stupid and senseless it would be for me to get myself killed now.

I got off on the next ramp and circled through town, stopping in a parking lot. Trying to get my bearings. Trying to make my brain work again. Sitting there, I tried to get my iPhone back up. I knew it had been plugged into the cigarette lighter adapter the whole way. So i thought maybe the receptacle was bad. I put it in a different one and it was red-lining, but charging. It meant i couldn’t pull up the map until it had enough juice. I looked around and didn’t feel very confident that i was in a good neighborhood. Some ominous looking guys were coming my way. I pulled my pistol from the console and stuck it under my right leg. It made me feel better, but i was in no shape to engage in a shootout or hand to hand combat. So I just got back on the Interstate again. I thought if i kept moving until the GPS came back, i could figure something out without becoming a statistic. AGAIN. tried to reassure myself that that time, i didn’t have a gun and this time, i did. It didn’t make me feel much better. Though pulling a trigger required much less effort than what i was already doing.

As I continued down the highway, my iPhone came back on and i tapped over to the map. I was way off course. I got off the highway again and circled back and got back on the other way. A big rig whooshed past me and sent my trailer fishtailing and i had to fight to control it while i stayed in between the lines and braked steadily.

Feeling the stress crawling up my throat, i took the next exit and found another small lot to pull over. Then a call came through.

Veep.

I spoke to her for a moment and told her what was happening– that i had no GPS sometimes. She offered her strength and comfort and then started mapping on the computer to try to help. Then my phone went dark again. It didn’t have enough juice for the phone call and the map. I had to defer to the map. A text came through from Veep with instructions, but i couldn’t look. I felt there was no way she could have understood where i was and which streets were one way, and…i just didn’t believe she could help from where she was, though maybe she could have. I was so tired…

Then the phone rang and it was her again. But i couldn’t answer. I had to concentrate. Even though i wanted nothing more than to hear a friendly voice–to have someone tell me it was okay. But it was not okay. I realized i was exhausted beyond retrieval. And no one could help me. I had to have the map.

I plugged the phone in again using a different cord i had found in my bag. The screen showed no charge and all i could do was wait and hope it came back up. I had to get my GPS back. What was I going to do now? If i had no GPS, I had no navigation. It was like being in the middle of the ocean and your life raft had deflated. And there were plenty of sharks circling. My technology had saved me many times, but this time, it was up to me. My strong, problem-solving survivor had been weakened terribly by stress and fatigue and pain. I wanted sleep. I wanted to stop driving, stop thinking. I wanted someone to just take over. Someone to hold me and tell me it was okay and the ordeal was over. Why wasn’t there someone? Why was I alone again?

And then i felt it. That thing i haven’t felt for years. That thing I thought i had conquered.

Panic.

Unless you’ve had a panic attack, you cannot appreciate the power it has. My pulse was pushing at my throat, i broke out in a cold sweat, felt dizzy, and there were frissons of fear shooting through me like hot arrows. I was in a strange city, a big city. No matter how smart you are, if you’re not used to being in a big city, you can still do something dumb. There were those who would think nothing of snuffing out your life. There is always something you don’t know, that could get you killed. Something as simple as not locking your door. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Or being an exhausted woman alone, and lost. Like me.

Then i went to that other horror that all women carry in the backs of their minds. A fate, sometimes worse than death. I could get raped. And my fear-saturated brain then began to provide all kinds of variations on that theme, to include a replay of the attack i had suffered for real in my first college years in the 80′s. I was feeling the same sensations, i realized, that i felt then. Knowing i was going to die. I was going to die.

DIE.

I started sobbing, and just fell with my head against the wheel. Sure that i was only a speck in vast expanse of universe and I didn’t matter at all. I could be gone in a whisper of wind and no one would know. I was all alone.

Panic, panic, shaking, crying.

I can’t BREATHE.

After a few moments of this hideous lack of self-control, this mindless keening and sobbing, I took a deep breath.

My rational mind kicked in. No one could help me. I could sit there and cry and be afraid, or i could think of a solution. Force my weary brain to comply.

Instead of the interstate, i turned toward the city streets. I remembered that i needed to go the other way and so I pulled over into a warehouse area turned around, stopping at the traffic light. There were no other cars until one pulled up behind me. A Latino guy and a young woman in front, and another Latino guy in the back. I swallowed my fear and stereotypes and got out of the Blazer and walked right up to their window.

Politely, i asked for help. I told them i was horribly lost and trying to get to Ohio Avenue in Lakewood. They were all very nice. They gave me instructions how to get back to the right highway, and then to keep going until i saw Wadsworth, and take that exit. He said it was a few miles down Wadsworth. I thanked them profusely and they were gracious and understanding. The driver even smiled and said. “Welcome to Denver.” I thanked him, laughing a little, and walked back to my Blazer, with tears rolling down my face.

Next street, left, interstate. Wadsworth. Next street left, interstate, Wadsworth.

I chanted that the whole way.

When i turned onto Ohio, and saw the Parc Belmar apartments sign. I just cried tears of joy.

I called the manager and asked him how to get to where he was. The place was huge. I parked where he told me and went into the office, where i signed about 10 pages of the lease, not caring what any of it said. he hurried me through the process because he could see how exhausted i was. He even back my out of that alleyway and told me where i could park until the next morning when the movers would be there.

TPenny: I’m freaking out now. Veep told me that you just got into Denver about an hour ago. OMG I had no idea you were out there all day!!!!! I would have been on here bugging you and makin sure you stayed awake. Let me know when you get to your place.

My ordeal wasn’t quite over, But i knew that it didn’t matter. The worst was in the past. I still had to dig out the cats and get them in a box without them running away. I’m afraid i was a little rough with that process. I couldn’t deal with losing my cats, too. I had to make three trips with the dolly to get the stuff inside that i had to have for the night–airbed, airpump, blanket, sheet, pillow, change of clothes, overnight bag, catfood, litterbox…all those little things we rely on to function. I sent out a few texts letting my friends know i had made it. I took care of the cats, aired up the bed. Then i took an Elavil, and collapsed. Feeling like I i had just come home after surviving a disaster. I was alive. I was here. I had made it.


August 2 at 9:12am~
Jae: Ty so much. Tan. ur support was invaluable. Love you. Veep can fill u in on details as she knows the most about my hell night last night. I’m trying to recuperate but feel like the victim of a disaster, the next morning. I took 2 Elavil at 11:30 last night and yet still woke at 6:30. I flossed brushed & took a shower ( sans the shower curtain ) and that helped but have the shakes. I’m so hungry and have NOTHING to eat. Have to order out as I can’t drive. Or maybe there’s something within walking distance. Can’t begin to describe how squished I feel.

August 1 at 8:56pm~
Veep: Just a little thought before you rest sweetpea
Journey to the end of day,
come the firefly, come the moon;
say a prayer for God’s good grace
and sleep with love upon your face.
Don’t know who wrote it, but i like it and it fits.
I love you,
Veep

August 2 at 9:10am~
Jae: Ty so much, Veep! Don’t know how I would have made it without ur support. You were my rock. Love you for that. I’m trying to recuperate.

August 2 at 9:31am~
Veep: I am so worried about that happening to you……1) missing your regular meds can cause that….2) nervous exhaustion definitely will. 3) sleep deprivation can also. You muscles used up the “stuff” that is usually replenished when we sleep. Your short sleep pattern might contribute to some of your muscular aches for that reason, when you’re on your normal schedule. Sweetpea, you are suffering a lot of things like, translocation….we don’t relocate as well at our age. Your brain is trying to adjust to the altitude, getting its location bearing etc. so is burning more fuel than you are providing. I saw the coffee set up in the kitchen, but warn you that you need extra water right now so that your muscles get the flush out they need. Take some b6 a double daily dose….100mg. That should help with the shakes. It will take you about 3 days to get past this and you know another couple of months for your brain to have a “fix” and be operating kinda subconsciously in the area.

Eat some good protein and green leafy’s with some vitamin c. you’ll feel better quicker.
Feels like you are a million miles away……I’m sad. But I’m happy for you!! Can’t wait to visit….might move it up to November!!

Jae: Thank u for taking the time and making the effort to give me all that info. I’m usually pretty in touch with my body needs. And I am not craving coffee I am~ craving my distilled water while I make more. Also craving those green leafys And my vitamin shake and ginkgo. I will do as you say my Nurse! And I hope u will visit as soon as u can. Love.

Veep: I promise u. It will be as very soon as possible- u get the massage this time

 

 

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Going to Denver Because You’re Dead (1)

Readers of this blog and those who know me personally are aware that recent events are not only pivotal in my life, but a necessary means of maintaining (or perhaps retrieving) my sanity.

I knew that moving would be stressful–I added it up, and I’ve done it exactly 42 times. That makes me somewhat of an expert. Yet, expertise did not make a single one of these moves “pleasant.” It’s just not the nature of the beast.

The only difference this time was that I wanted it more than any other move, planned for it longer, and sacrificed more to make it happen…oh, and I actually paid other people (for the first time ever) to do the loading and unloading. That still didn’t seem to prevent the pain and suffering physically, I assume because I had just gotten over my ruptured disc, and there was inevitably a thousand things to do and no one but me to get them done. For these reasons, I imagined that the drive would be the easy part. Boy was I wrong. Below are excerpts from my Facebook mobile posts, as well as some commentary before, during and after.


Jae Baeli: I got a dash/window mount cradle for my iPhone so I can be both hands free and also take “road pictures”…I will be posting photo diary along the way just for fun July 30 at 3:42pm

Tanya Gotcher: This ought to be interesting!!!!

Wendy Masker: I’m jealous! I love Colorado!!

Jae Baeli: well i welcome all visitors. unless you’re certifiably insane, a drug user, or a drunk. so i think you’re good to go

July 30
Ok. Be glad when Justi gets here to take me to lunch . these stale tortillas topped with gummi bears just aren’t making me happy.

Tammy Johnson: High blood sugar always helps and it’s good to see that you two recognized this and had fried ice cream…….ancient Chinese secret…..Looking forward to your road adventures my friend…..Love you!

Before leaving town, my best friend, Justi, took me to lunch at La Fajitas. She gave me this beautiful White Gold and Aquamarine ring. Now every time i look at it, I’ll be reminded that i have the best best friend in the world.


After our meal, Justi flagged down the waiter and asked, “What do you have for dessert?”

The waiter said, “Flan.”

“Do you have anything else?”

“No.”

“Well you don’t have fried ice cream?”

“Yes.”

And he was off to fetch the ice cream he didn’t have .

Then she said, “Um, didn’t he say he didn’t have anything else? “

“Mmm-hm.”

In a tone laced with that sarcasm i love so much, she said under her breath, “How about some fried ice cream-flavored flan?”

And I laughed. I love her.

Jae Baeli: I could not handle a maudlin goodbye with Justi. So we said “see you later, be careful. I love you.” and then just left it before the waterworks started. July 30 at 4:28pm

The U-Haul

Got to the U-haul place and was informed that my trailer was not there. Somehow the information had not been transferred. This, after I stopped by twice to make sure all was okay. She supposedly had put in the request, but it had not been handled. She tried to make it sound like it was the other person’s fault. But when you know someone had an appointment to come in at a certain time to pick up a trailer, don’t you notice that the trailer isn’t there? I swear.

So, it gets worse. She tells me i have to go pick up the trailer in Oklahoma–about a 60 mile drive, one-way. Without another option, i drive there, and have hell finding the place, as the directions are really bad and there seem to be two addresses the same and only one is the one i need.

Finally i find it and then discover they don’t have a dolly for me there. I’ll have to get that at some other U-Haul back my direction. And then there’s no one to lift that trailer onto my hitch. So i have to do it with her and her 10 year old son. I’m sure my newly healed herniated disc appreciated that.

All this put me 8 hours behind schedule because i had to reschedule the loaders for later in the afternoon. Wed at 7:08pm

Tanya Gotcher: U just started, don’t cry yet!!!!!

Jae Baeli: I know. I got a grip. I refuse to let that one thing screw up my happy happy joy joy.

Okay, so then the movers arrive later in the day, and it becomes abundantly clear that neither of them knew thing-one about moving. I had to give strict instructions on how to stack the tubs, with the heaviest in the front of the trailer and on the bottom.

Then when they got to my TV–that massive, leaden box i wish i could exchange for a massive flat screen–this was a whole new exercise in futility. I had to explain to put it heavy-side against the dolly, with it PADDED SO THE SCREEN WOULD NOT BE DAMAGED. That it had to be on its side to fit through the door, etc. Then he backed through the front door and pulled the Dolly with the TV on it toward the step and lets it just drop down. BAM! I stopped him immediately and explained that he had to push it TOWARD the drop, and control the descent, and let it slide along the runners against the step. Ease it down gently.

Dumbass.

I was afraid the TV might have been damaged beyond repair but couldn’t deal with it then. They were very slow, and when they got all the heavy stuff in, and hauled some stuff to the dumpster, i just told them i could do the rest. I didn’t want to pay them for that extra time to destroy something else.

They had agreed to $20 a piece, but i gave them $60. Not sure why i gave them more. I guess, because i felt guilty being so intolerant and judgmental. It was a pay off to my conscience.

After that, i spent the entire night not sleeping–no–but cleaning and loading the rest of the stuff. Amazing how much is left to do after a three-story house is empty. I flirted with re-injury of my disc as well as doing that to a few more. I was exhausted, but had no choice. Again, it’s always just me. And it always has to get done. By me.

Jae Baeli: Had nap now back to work. have to fix the vacuum. belt came off. I’m near final stages of pack n clean. I want to be done! My cats are starting to freak out because the tallest, softest object in the room is ME.

Tammy Johnson: A woman with tools…..sigh……:-}

I’m like that Dyson guy when he says in that British accent: “I just think things ought to work properly.” WHy is it that a vacuum belt breaks and/or stops working because it gets clogged with things it was designed to handle? And why can’t it refrain from this clogging while i am working my ass off to get things done and don’t need another problem to deal with?

I take a time-out and Monkey is immediately on my chest, as she still believes she weighs 10 ounces. She likes to put her head on my lips so i will kiss her. Love that cat.


Jae Baeli: I am lying on the airbed moaning…And not in a good way.

I had to help with the stuff on the dolly bc mover-guy didn’t quite understand how to do it. Hope my tv works when I get to co. If it doesn’t, I guess I’ll just make Erin entertain me …


Tammy Johnson: The single woman’s lament…….. Fri at 8:23am

Erin Black: Entertain? I can!! I will!!! heehee!!! Sat at 3:23am

Thought i had lost Monkey when the landlord came to inspect. Freaked me out. I was sick. Then i realized she had been in the room the whole time, just doing something she never does–hide.

See her by the wall beneath the covers?

Jae Baeli: This feels like every other move, now. Pain. Exhaustion. Frustration. But this place is almost done. If my landlord doesn’t give me my deposit back I’ll have to kill him.

Tammy Johnson: Remember, friends help you hide the body! Good morning sunshine!! Today’s the day! Woohoo you!!

Jae Baeli: Yes I’m trying to focus on leaving and how good that feels. I am dog tired tho. Landlord will be back with final papers and dep refund chk in a minute.

Then I’m taking a nap. And more ibuprofen.

c’mon baby, let’s get out of this town. I got a full tank of gas and the moonroof down… Baby you can text while I drive…

(continued in next post...)

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