Fish Should Learn to Walk

I think I’ve moved past my most recent dark night of the soul. This time it took about 7 weeks.

Had a couple of things go my way, though, (finding a new apartment to move to, which I love), and an online relationship deepening into intriguing and exciting possibilities….possibilities that become pissabilities…As is the trend with my life, I don’t get anything good without an addendum of aggravation or disappointment. Some reminder that no, fortune does not often smile on me and the Luck Fairies either have a millennium-old vendetta against my soul, have no GPS, or are somewhat retarded.

I have found some hope and solace and titillation from a wonderful woman. Yes, she’s online. And yes, she’s very far away, but I’m just trying to be a little open to pissabilities becoming possibilities, since she seems such a good match and I am wildly attracted to her. She is intelligent, witty, sensitive, absolutely stunning, also a very voluminous and gifted writer, has a sultry, calming voice, and foreign accent ( I heard it in a podcast where she talked about and read an excerpt from one of her books)… And she has used that delicious voice to say all the right things to me. MMmmm. Hard to resist that tempting package. It’s like The Official Bait for Jae Baeli.

It is now getting to that frustration-stage, though, which is normally avoided by actually going on a date or two. We are, by wretched geography, prevented from doing that. In one of our Facebook/text conversations, we said,

JAE: dammit. damn the geography..damn the oceans
we’d be married by now if you lived here. lol

HER: yeah. who the fuck needs oceans anyway? fish should learn to walk.

JAE: LOL. i just spewed my water

We should just look at it like a courtship phase. But it’s hard to court a woman when i can’t touch her. I guess I’ll have to use my other skills.

Dammit.

So we’ll continue to get to know one another, continue our writing project we’ve begun together, and just see what happens by August or so, when we’ll actually have the money saved for that horrendously expensive round-trip flight from where she is to where I am. Then we’ll see how we are with each other in the flesh. (I will forgo the obligatory sexual joke here).

I can say I don’t do long distance relationships. But it’s wise to never say never, because the Universe has a way of teaching you little lessons. Like, when I said that, I meant women from another state. IN THIS COUNTRY. And then I meet one in another country. Now I’d absolutely adore only having to drive four or eight hours to see her. Or 12.

Nothing is ever black and white, is it? I’ve said many times I make my camp in the grey areas.

Hopefully those grey areas will have color soon. Sort of like the color in What Dreams May Come. Ablaze with life not normally seen.

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Comments

Fish Should Learn to Walk — 6 Comments

  1. To the best of my knowledge, both are entirely original. I hope you have a great day in that new apartment; that answers a question I had, about whether you’d gotten through the move in one piece; very good to know you did.

  2. A few weeks ago, I shared a “Thought for Today” with my one and only sister-in-law:

    Learning to identify your blessings
    must precede counting them.

    And then, recently, I’ve thought of a postscript to that:

    Counting them isn’t even all that important; eventually the number gets too large to remember.

    • That’s a great quote. SO is the whole thing yours? if i quote it, i want to make sure credit goes to proper person.

  3. I know who SHE is, of course. The news is wonderful, and it’s really good to “see” you moving past those seven weeks, Jae. And what a surprise to hear about the writing project you’ve begun together. Two of my favorite authors, working on a project together: now that’s something! Will it be for publication? I like to say there’s no proof that the future exists, that it’s a fantasy, because my own introspection leads me to this: if you divide your waking consciousness into roughly two categories, you find, on the one hand, states which you basically just existed through without really having been totally “present”, without having really “identified” your state of consciousness in a way that, potentially, could become and remain a memory (the common phrase is “going through the motions”), and on the other hand, just the opposite: you were fully “aware” in the present; you self-identified the state, and thus it potentially could become and remain a memory. In both cases, those states have already moved into the past, while you ignored the true present as it moved inexorably on; no matter how sublime the state was, no matter whether or not you regard it as a “vision of the future”, it is already in the past. So that’s my introspection. Anyway, I wish for both of you to truly find out if you are compatible. I guess I’d say that “destiny” is what you make, through your actions in the present, and actions go through cycles of “easy as pie” and the opposite: tough and painful. Focusing on the positive, something easier said than done during the tough and painful times, is the ticket.

    • I figured you’d put that together. The project, will of course be published, we can’t help ourselves. It’s brand-new right out of the box though, so not sure how long it will take. We both have our other projects–her, these days, more than me…she’s on fire with her writing and tippy-tap-typing her fingers to cute little stumps. It will certainly be announced and advertised when we have something, you can bet on it.

      What a wonderfully thought-provoking post, Laura Jane. I think i might have to respond in the form of another post….am taking notes on it as we speak.

      Thanks for your support and encouragement and thoughtful input….I’m sure I’ll post about what you said in the next day or so.

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