I think I’ve moved past my most recent dark night of the soul. This time it took about 7 weeks.
Had a couple of things go my way, though, (finding a new apartment to move to, which I love), and an online relationship deepening into intriguing and exciting possibilities….possibilities that become pissabilities…As is the trend with my life, I don’t get anything good without an addendum of aggravation or disappointment. Some reminder that no, fortune does not often smile on me and the Luck Fairies either have a millennium-old vendetta against my soul, have no GPS, or are somewhat retarded.
I have found some hope and solace and titillation from a wonderful woman. Yes, she’s online. And yes, she’s very far away, but I’m just trying to be a little open to pissabilities becoming possibilities, since she seems such a good match and I am wildly attracted to her. She is intelligent, witty, sensitive, absolutely stunning, also a very voluminous and gifted writer, has a sultry, calming voice, and foreign accent ( I heard it in a podcast where she talked about and read an excerpt from one of her books)… And she has used that delicious voice to say all the right things to me. MMmmm. Hard to resist that tempting package. It’s like The Official Bait for Jae Baeli.
It is now getting to that frustration-stage, though, which is normally avoided by actually going on a date or two. We are, by wretched geography, prevented from doing that. In one of our Facebook/text conversations, we said,
JAE: dammit. damn the geography..damn the oceans
we’d be married by now if you lived here. lol
HER: yeah. who the fuck needs oceans anyway? fish should learn to walk.
JAE: LOL. i just spewed my water
We should just look at it like a courtship phase. But it’s hard to court a woman when i can’t touch her. I guess I’ll have to use my other skills.
So we’ll continue to get to know one another, continue our writing project we’ve begun together, and just see what happens by August or so, when we’ll actually have the money saved for that horrendously expensive round-trip flight from where she is to where I am. Then we’ll see how we are with each other in the flesh. (I will forgo the obligatory sexual joke here).
I can say I don’t do long distance relationships. But it’s wise to never say never, because the Universe has a way of teaching you little lessons. Like, when I said that, I meant women from another state. IN THIS COUNTRY. And then I meet one in another country. Now I’d absolutely adore only having to drive four or eight hours to see her. Or 12.
Nothing is ever black and white, is it? I’ve said many times I make my camp in the grey areas.
Hopefully those grey areas will have color soon. Sort of like the color in What Dreams May Come. Ablaze with life not normally seen.