Colorado…….I’m sure there are kindreds out there (I do have a fabulous best friend, 2 hrs away, but i mean OTHERS). I am so anxious to meet all the people in the social groups I’ve joined online already. The degree to which I want this move is palpable; I can think of little else, and my level of stress reflects my fear that it might be delayed, or–unimaginably–not possible at all.

Here, where I am, I always feel like a stranger in a strange land. I feel like the pariah. (Don’t forget, this is the Bible-Belt). I feel like most of the people I come across in this region are not on the same page with me…(careful not to sound elitist). I have to change this situation before i claw my own eyes out! I am not usually the pity-party type, but i do feel powerless in many ways, about this, yes….Hell’s Bells. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m whining. I hate whiners. lol.

But I HAVE been isolated for a long time. Mostly not intentionally–it just sort of happened that way. I work at home, (so no workplace connections) don’t attend church (hiss!), don’t have kids, no partner, no family, (no play dates or gatherings or surrogate family) I have already done the college thing (8 years)…so yeah, since those are things that naturally encourage socializing and support networks, and just the ebb and flow of PEOPLE– I’m in an odd, unfortunate position.

I’ve spent years having most of my relationships online–and we all know those aren’t “real” relationships. I want IN PERSON relationships again. These are ALL good reasons I know i have to relocate to a place where there are diverse things and people–and within reach. As a real estate agent will tell you, it’s about Location, location location.

Around here, everything is spread out and you have to drive all over the place to get to something, and then, there’s really not that much to choose from. It’s like I’ve discovered I’m a steak, misrouted, trapped and hiding in a baloney factory.

When you are generally from “Southern stock”, it’s often hard to break free of the brainwashing that goes along with it–though I was one of the first in my High School class to “get the hell outta Dodge.” Many here are trained to think in the box, wear blinders, drown the boredom in liquor, and have all their information fed to them, never learning anything new because everything they could possibly need to know was handed down through the generations. (“If it was good enough fer my daddy, it’s good enough fer me.”) It blinds these people to all the wonderful opportunities and experiences to be had out in the world.

I have been aware of all this for a long time, but am only now figuring out what needs to happen to change the rut–the formula has been all wrong, even if the good intention was there. I tried for a long time to defend the region I’ve been in for large chunks of my life, (denial) and I kept moving around looking for a place to call home, and I was unhappy in every place I went, until it finally dawned on me—I’m just moving to another place like the last place. I’m always fond of reciting the definition for stupidity to everyone else: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results…then BAM! I’m the stupid one.

Now, I need to shut my pie-hole.

(damn novelist).

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