Archive for the ‘PEEVES’ Category

Along Came a Spider

It’s not like I didn’t expect to hear from the usual suspects in regard to my 6-volume book,  Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology. But even now, I can be surprised by the variations of hubris and ignorance, even among those who claim no religion. My Facebook friend, Jackie LeMerand, posted on her wall that she had just purchased my book, and then, shall we say, Along Came a Spider.  

Kelli‘s book I just bought! $3.99 Kindle version, can’t beat that!

Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology

www.amazon.com

SHcomplete6vol_138

 

Complete 6 Volume EditionFROM THE FRONT MATTER”As I reexamined the Scriptures, after having moved decidedly away from them over the last 17 years, I found that I had good reason to move away from Scriptures, and indeed, the Christian faith in particular. What I had done subconsciously was pe…

  • Glenn M Felton There’s a reason it’s $3.99. I had trouble getting past all the uses of the word “I” and “me.” LOL!
  • Jackie LaMerand Ah oh, Kelli. Here’s your first critique.
  • Jackie LaMerand Glenn, please tone it down the rude knob, will you, sweetie? We all understand that you’re religious and get upset and go into attack mode whenever your beliefs are dissected. If you’ve got something to share, there’s this thing called constructive criticism or conversely you need not say anything. Comments are not mandatory. I’ve only just downloaded it and thought to share it. Told her I’d offer up my thoughts after my move/when I have a chance to sit down and read it.
  • Jackie LaMerand Apologies, Kelli.
  • Glenn M Felton The book is written in attack mode. Don’t attack if you can’t defend? And for the thousandth time, I’m not religious
  • Jackie LaMerand So what if it was written in attack mode? Was it attacking you personally?
    Not religious? Do you or do you not believe in a god?
  • Glenn M Felton Your author friend is an advocate of precise use of language, to facilitate mutual understanding so….

Religious – 1: relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity <a religious person> <religious attitudes> 2: of, relating to, or devoted to religious beliefs or observances <joined a religious order> 3a : scrupulously and conscientiously faithful.

Spiritual is much broader and spirituality isn’t necessarily linked to any religious belief and doesn’t seek to oppress or change anyone’s mind

  • Glenn M Felton I do not believe in a deity, worship, or a conscious afterlife
  • Jackie LaMerand Then why do you complain so indignantly whenever a post is made that goes against religion and/or the authenticity of the bible?
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Glenn : “Don’t attack if you can’t defend” you say. If you didn’t continue reading, how would you know if i defended? And if you HAD ACTUALLY read the book, you’d know I spent a good deal of time defending my position, with factual and reputable references. And I also made it clear this was MY PERSONAL JOURNEY. Why WOULDN’T I use “I” and “Me”?
  • Glenn M Felton My complaint with this book is that it springboards from personal experience to conclusions, not just about Christianity, but “God cosmology,” (that covers a lot of ground) and makes assumptions along the way that everyone’s internal dynamics and motivations must be like the author’s. It reveals a shallow understanding of spirituality and quickly reverts to an angry attack on Christianity. It’s just sort of unnecessary and doesn’t seem to brreak any new ground.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Glenn: who said anything about spiritual? I’m not sure what you’re referring to.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli My conclusions were based on my personal experience and education, rational thought, logic, facts and science. There was no abject singular springboarding in the book, except to springboard repeatedly, throughout my life from one evolution of belief to another. The book took 3 years to write, and I use well over 450 references, and I WAS A CHRISTIAN most of my life, and studied under a bible scholar. My understanding of spirituality is very discerning, you just seem offended, just like most christians would be offended…but this book was not directed at Christians….as it’s clear (even from your words here) that their minds are closed. The book is directed at agnostics. In the description I say: “Directed at agnostics and those struggling with the inconsistencies in Christianity in particular, and religion in general, an author struggles to find her own Personal Cosmology by examining and sharing her beliefs and discoveries about God, the Bible and Christianity.” Again, did you read the entire book? Or are you, yourself, making assumptions?
  • Glenn M Felton I will try harder, Jackie, to steer clear of posts like this because I think many of your friends are of like mind about this, frankly angry, and not interested understanding a different point of view. You seem to come to a discussion like this with your minds made up that there is nothing else but perceived reality and that your job is to prove that anyone who doesn’t see it that way is wrong.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli I’m not trying to “break new ground” for a christian. I’m sharing my experience with those who have similar cognitive dissonance about religion. You obviously don’t, so why did you even look at it?
  • Glenn M Felton I’m not a Christian
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Wow. hypocritical much?
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Guess what, Glenn? that book wasn’t written with you in mind.
  • Glenn M Felton I’m always seeking to understand and have my own beliefs. I contemplate the atheist point of view too but it always seems more orthodox and inflexible than a Jesus freak
  • Kelli Jae Baeli {heavy sigh}
  • Glenn M Felton I don’t know if there’s a god or not, tho I tend to think there is something uniquely spiritual about human consciousness. I also know there’s nthing demanding my worship, and that I also donlt have to PROVE my beliefs empirically to anyone. It’s fine to live in the question
  • Kelli Jae Baeli but then, you are speaking of YOURSELF, aren’t you? Perhaps as a writer, I would be compelled to share, don’t you think? And perhaps out of a need to provide the research and journey to others who might not have the time to devote to it…sounds like you expect ME to be like you. Isn’t that part of your hypocrisy?
  • Glenn M Felton I know the book wasnt written with me in mind, Kelli. I guess thats the thing. It was written with you in mind and that’s what makes it less interesting for me, the reader.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli You just don’t get it, Glenn. It was my personal journey, which I decided to share. It doesn’t require your interest, if it doesn’t interest you.
  • Glenn M Felton Agreed. I misunderstood. I think the title led me to believe it was something else
  • Kelli Jae Baeli what did the title lead you to believe? It was about the cognitive dissonance of a god cosmology.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Perhaps if you have so many opinions on the subject, you ought to write your own book
  • Glenn M Felton Maybe someday. Good idea
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Yeah, someday. Many people say that. But DOING IT is another story. Ever heard of Roosevelt’s quote: “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
  • Glenn M Felton The book seemed to be about congitive dissonance explaining primarily the Christian view of god, but it makes sense now if thats where you’re coming from. I didn’t understand from the title that the book would be about a personal journey and Christianity. I expected something broader.
    No need to be nasty. I write a little when I can, and am pretty busy with kids, playing music and working a job
  • Kelli Jae Baeli BROADER??? LOL. really? it’s around 1000 pages! It took 6 different volumes to cover only SOME of it.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Oh, because I’m defending myself against your unwarranted attack, I’m “nasty”?And do you think I’m not busy? wow.
  • Glenn M Felton I’m not exactly a timid soul either I write a little poetry, short essays here and there. Kelli, this is just one opinion from a quick read of the “peek inside” at Amazon. What’s your point? Surely you have had readers disagree with you or not be “grabbed” by what you write? Grow a thicker skin. I’m not saying your not busy. Mercy me, you become so defensive so quickly!
  • Kelli Jae Baeli all that, and passive-aggressive, too.
  • Glenn M Felton Pardon me for being so flip in my initial comments. And I don’t have to like your book or agree with your thesis, or even explain to you why I don’t
  • Kelli Jae Baeli No you don’t. Neither do you have to cast unqualified aspersions toward someone who is actually doing the work.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli As I said before, it wasn’t written with YOU in mind, so I never intimated or said outright that you had to agree. I knew you wouldn’t.
  • Glenn M Felton Your readers don’t have to be “qualified.” Do you get that?
  • Kelli Jae Baeli which is one reason I shared the material in published form. To help out with being qualified by providing the most comprehensive and personal-level information I could.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli but again, you cannot speak to this book at all, since you didn’t read it.
  • Glenn M Felton OK, then I hope your book sells well with people who already agree with you, and captures the thoughtful attention of some who don’t. My apologies for offending with my initial reaction.
  • Glenn M Felton I can speak about it any way I want!
  • Kelli Jae Baeli you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny. pfffft
  • Glenn M Felton You don’t get to judge who has read it properly or not. Just dissmiss what I have to say about it and we’ll move on
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Um, there’s no “We’ll” in that. You go ahead and move on by yourself.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli And yes, i CAN judge that someone hasn’t read it properly when the case is they haven’t read it at all.
  • Glenn M Felton Ywah, I just read the “look inside” at Amazon
  • Kelli Jae Baeli um yes, i know. That’s the point, isn’t it?
  • Glenn M Felton I accidentally said Yaweh! LOL!
  • Glenn M Felton It is. People read the Look Inside and decide whether to buy the book or not
  • Kelli Jae Baeli and how does that “look inside” peek make you qualified to critique the book, again?
  • Glenn M Felton My critique is this: another angry diatribe against Christianity by an atheist. That’s what I got from the Look Inside.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli So what? I think religion is something we all ought to abhor, and write diatribes about, and be angry about.
  • Glenn M Felton That’s fine. I’m not religious, and abhor my share of religious followers.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli Then why is it such an issue that I did that with my book?
  • Glenn M Felton AND I didn;t like your book based on the Look Inside that I read. Can you alloow those two things to co-exist?
  • Kelli Jae Baeli I don’t have control over the “look inside” content
  • Glenn M Felton Frankly, oone of my reactions to your book was “there’s nothing new here”
  • Kelli Jae Baeli maybe not for YOU–but again, it wasn’t directed AT YOU. Can those two things co-exist in your mind?
  • Glenn M Felton Sure, and like I said, I’m sure there are people who will identify with you and buy your book
  • Kelli Jae Baeli then what’s the point of your tirade, and insinuating yourself into this post?
  • Glenn M Felton Oh, I just do that, and Jackie called your attention to it. I feel frustrated and misunderstood by many of my atheist friends who throw around terms like “religious” and “theist” as if they are slurs and seem incapable of conceptualizing a belief in god divorced of religion. I sometimes turn off their newsfeeds so I don’t see it and react. I haven’t been inside a church onmy own behalf in many many years.
  • Kelli Jae Baeli….maybe your atheist friends feel frustrated and misunderstood by you, too. To me “religious” and “theist” are terms I consider pejorative, as do they, I surmise. There are plentiful and cogent reasons for that. There is religion, and then there is GOD–I am disgusted by both, even though GOD ceases to exist the second I reject RELIGION, as one cannot be divorced from the other, because GOD is a being invented by religious people who could not explain the world they lived in, and so manufactured an invisible being…nearly all religious thought stems from myth, (and the rest from human frailty) and myth stems from ignorance and delusion. Spirituality, in my view, is generally a coping mechanism for people who don’t care for religion, per se. (And living staunchly in atheism can also cause depressive realism–when you see the world clearly as it really is, it can oppress the faint of heart.)Now, having said that, I have had and continue to have many experiences that might be called “spiritual”, but I suspect it’s for lack of better word. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” I believe the Bard was right about that. But it doesn’t mean it’s about GOD, or religion. It’s about those esoteric experiences for which we have no explanation—YET. I believe all things can eventually be explained in a rational way; that doesn’t mean there aren’t wonderfully mysterious things in this world. And the explanation for them does not detract from their value or wonder. Just because I can’t explain them, doesn’t mean I should default to “spirituality” or “religion” to give them meaning or veracity. For instance, the concepts of reincarnation and afterlife might be explained by membrane theory, and parallel universes…that’s a scientific concept, but it would explain these sensations we have of knowing people before we know them, or having “memories” of other lives….

    The bottom line, for me, is that religion has caused more harm, more suffering, and its tentacles reach into every aspect of what is broken in this world. And that is something I will never accept, and I will ALWAYS be angry about.

  • Glenn M Felton Interesting. There’s probably a lot we agree on, that my pentacostal and southern baptist sisters would recoil at. To be honest, when you use terms like “imaginary friend” it’s easy to dissnimiss you, maybe wrongly, as just another angry atheist on the internet.
  • Jeff Nelson My head is about to explode. That was one intense discussion! Very interesting and revealing.
  • Glenn M Felton *Shit, I TOLD you! Now they’re on to us!*

Then, my friend Jackie pasted a post from Glenn’s FB page:

  • Jackie LaMerand

     Forgot to mention that he posted his own little rant on his wall (without using your name) and then went off on an a pseudo-intellectual spiel about the language and the correct translation and meaning of gnosis.

    Here, copy and pasting for your amusement:

    >>
    Glenn M Felton
    Yesterday at 15:38 ·
    Language is a tricky thing. Especially translation from one language to another. I am reading an Amazon “peek” at a book that I find pretty unimpressive. It starts out with some scholarly disconnects. It picks on the misuse of words like to “know” and then launches into a first person diatribe against Christianity. Since the books that comprise the Bible weren’t written in English, a scholarly examination of such things requires that you examine the root of the word in it’s original before you rail against its supposed misuse. Our author is a solid advocate of internet resources so my reliance on Dikipedia is OK.

    Gnosis – is the common Greek noun for knowledge (in the nominative case γνῶσις f.). In the context of the English language gnosis generally refers to the word’s meaning within the spheres of Christian mysticism, Mystery religions and Gnosticism where it signifies a ‘spiritual knowledge’ or religion of knowledge, in the sense of mystical enlightenment or ‘insight’.

    Caroline Perales have you ever considered going on Jeopardy?

    Karin Franklin When studying the Bible, it’s essential to think about context…by whom were the individual books written, for whom were they written, what were the writers’ motivations for writing them? it seems like too many people either take it entirely at face value or dismiss it altogether. i applaud you.

    Jackie LaMerand “In the writings of the Greek Fathers
    The fathers of early Christianity used the word “knowledge” (gnosis) in the New Testament to mean spiritual knowledge or specific knowledge of the divine. This positive usage was to contrast it with how gnostic sectarians used the word. [...]
    Cardiognosis (“knowledge of the heart”) from Eastern Christianity related to the tradition of the staretz and in Roman Catholic theology is the view that only God knows the condition of one’s relationship with God.”

    Glenn M Felton I’m alluding to the Gnostic gospels too, Karin, beyond todays codified Bible.

    Karin Franklin all of the above still applies to works that, for various reasons (some more compelling than others), didn’t get enough votes to be part of the Cannon.

    Glenn M Felton The point, Jackie, is that Gnosis does not refer to “empirical fact.” Atheists seem to be derailed by not understanding the concept of “knowledge” of god and where it originates in the original Greek. It does not mean empirical fact that is amenable to reductionist reasoning.
    <<

    Your thoughts, Kelli?

  • Jackie LaMerand

    Here’s my final comment to him: >>
    And so says theological and ancient languages “scholar” Glenn. “…scholarly examination…”? wow. Anyway, I tried my best to remain very friendly and nice to you as have all my atheist friends yet you continually harp and make rude comments on my posts that atheists always bulk all people of delusion together–which I am not denying because it is a warranted generalization–yet you do not notice your hypocrisy in doing exactly the same thing in your various and erroneous complaints about atheists. It’s become very tiring. Your last unsolicited insulting remarks regarding my friend’s book on my wall/post was the last straw and sad to say it probably best if we parted ways. Good luck, Glenn
    <<
  • Kelli Jae Baeli @Glenn- Your slamming of my book on your page reveals your own hypocrisy and mean-spirited hubris, as you are denigrating a book YOU DID NOT EVEN READ. Just a few points:I used wikipedia ONLY ONCE in my references and that was for a bio blurb on a person, where there was no other information. I NEVER used wikipedia as a primary source, in any of the over 450 sources I cited in references. And in all my references to language/word meanings, I used the Strong’s Concordance, and reputable scholars who DO KNOW, and my information while studying with a bible scholar who DID understand the languages: Greek, Hebrew, Arabic…I also considered the Pseudepigrapha, Apocrypha, Gnostic Gospels, Dead Sea Scrolls, etc…as well as context, folklore, historical documents, etc. You simply do not know what you’re talking about in regard to my supposed veracity. I cover all the specifics about the authors and supposed-authors of the biblical texts.

    The main point here, is that if you haven’t read my ENTIRE book, you have no way of knowing what I did and did not address. You continually make erroneous claims not based in fact, because you don’t, after all, have the facts. Never mind the rather stark reality that you find it so easy to criticize a writer who actually writes the books, when you haven’t written any yourself; especially not one that culminated a lifetime of experience, research, and study and three years of composition. Your egregious error is in mistaking me for low-hanging fruit.

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Condemned to Repeat it?

Today, I woke, sat down to my first cup of coffee and found a headline that gave me the sensation of a lead weight in my stomach.

North Carolina May Declare Official State Religion Under New Bill

Republican North Carolina state legislators have proposed allowing an official state religion in a measure that would declare the state exempt from the Constitution and court rulings.

The bill, filed Monday by two GOP lawmakers from Rowan County and backed by nine other Republicans, says each North Carolina state Rep. Carl Ford backs a religion bill that would allow the state to declare an official state faith. state “is sovereign” and courts cannot block a state “from making laws respecting an establishment of religion.” The legislation was filed in response to a lawsuit to stop county commissioners in Rowan County from opening meetings with a Christian prayer, wral.com reported.

The religion bill comes as some Republican-led states seek to separate themselves from the federal government, primarily on the issues of guns and Obamacare. This includes a proposal in Mississippi to establish a state board with the power to nullify federal laws.

The North Carolina bill’s main sponsors, state Reps. Carl Ford (R-China Grove) and Harry Warren (R-Salisbury), could not be reached for comment on Tuesday, The Salisbury Post reported. Co-sponsors include House Majority Leader Edgar Starnes (R-Hickory). Another is state Rep. Larry Pittman (R-Concord), who in February introduced a state constitutional amendment that would allow for carrying concealed weapons to fight federal “tyranny.”

The bill says the First Amendment only applies to the federal government and does not stop state governments, local governments and school districts from adopting measures that defy the Constitution. The legislation also says that the Tenth Amendment, which says powers not reserved for the federal government belong to the states, prohibits court rulings that would seek to apply the First Amendment to state and local officials.

The bill reads:

SECTION 1. The North Carolina General Assembly asserts that the Constitution of the United States of America does not prohibit states or their subsidiaries from making laws respecting an establishment of religion.SECTION 2. The North Carolina General Assembly does not recognize federal court rulings which prohibit and otherwise regulate the State of North Carolina, its public schools, or any political subdivisions of the State from making laws respecting an establishment of religion.

 The North Carolina state constitution disqualifies those who do not believe in God from public office. The provision has been unenforcible since the 1961 Supreme Court decision in Torcaso v. Watkins, which prohibited such bans. (from Huffington Post)

 Remember how many times I’ve said we were headed toward a theocracy, thanks to the right wing tea party folks? It has begun.

Also yesterday, I noticed how many news stories there were about people who have softened their views on gay marriage. We have more support for that than ever, recently. Even a few (gasp) Republicans have changed their tune. While this is a very encouraging sign, we still have a formidable cadre of fundamentalists out there in positions of power, and they will continue to undermine everything that makes America great. My first thought when I saw the above-mentioned article, was that this was another example of the fallout created by gay marriage advocation. The repressed, ignorant, bible-thumping Soldiers of GAWD are at least a little frightened. Frightened that this might actually be a government “OF the People BY the people and FOR the people.” Not “of God, by God and for god” by god.

In Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, he said, “that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”  The first amendment to the Bill of Rights states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…” Which is exactly what they are trying to do. Make a law respecting the establishment of religion.

Yes, many of our Founding Fathers believed in God, but they were of many different beliefs, and some were agnostic, and some had no affiliation, but it’s important to recognize that their concept of God was quite different than the concept being touted in the mainstream fundamentalist declarations. Just like the Republican party of antiquity is hardly recognizable within the modern-day Republican party. It’s crucial, then, to understand context and intent, and not just spout off things like “yeah, the constitution said we get freedom of religion.” Freedom to believe what you wish, yes. But that freedom does not extend to cramming your personal beliefs down the throats of others. And whether you understand it or not, America is a secular government predicated on the need to escape the religious rule of England. Just read about Henry the VIII and you’ll have a firm grasp of the dangers of zealotry and theocracy.burnedatstake

How would everyone feel if a state FORCED its citizens to honor ONE PARTICULAR RELIGION and its tenets WHETHER THEY BELIEVED IN IT OR NOT? I can just see the wood being piled up now–the wood that goes around that pole, where they tie up the “heretics” for a BURNING.

George Santayana famously said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Let us be ever mindful that now is the time to remember our history, and avoid a dangerous complacency.

This issue is also comparable to the story I posted about yesterday (GOP chairwoman Everhart, who warned that straights would start having gay marriages). I hope it’s the Fundies’ last-ditch effort to keep a foothold, and of course, I hope it fails. It has to. It’s amazing to me that they don’t see that this is exactly why America was founded…to escape this sort of theocratic control. Did they not pay attention in history class? If they want a theocracy, let them go buy some island somewhere and create their own country. We cannot let them TAKE OVER this secular government…I find this sort of legislation TREASONOUS.

Only yesterday, I posted a link to one of my newly published essay booklets…I’ve been giving them away–the downloads are free for these on Smashwords, (And hopefully Kindle will price match them too; currently Amazon/Kindle offers now selection for authors to list anything for free. We have to charge at least .99).

Anyway, in the post of this booklet from yesterday, there is an essay that addresses this very subject. I share it here:

 SHeye

Separation of Church & State

(excerpt from Unreasonable Ideas : The Etymology of Ignorance)

(c)Kelli Jae Baeli

“Secular schools can never be tolerated because such schools have no religious instruction, and a general moral instruction without a religious foundation is built on air; consequently, all character training and religion must be derived from faith…we need believing people.”
~ Adolf Hitler, Excerpted from a speech made on April 26, 1933

 

UnreasonableIdeas2013Apr1_248John Locke, an English philosopher of the 17th century, wrote about a “Social Contract” theory, in which individual conscience was left to the individual, and should never be given over to governments. This developed popularity and was eventually referred to as separation of church and state.

The phrase, “separation of church and state” stems from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson in 1802, addressed to the Danbury Baptists:

Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.

In the 1797 Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11 states, “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion…” It can’t be much clearer than that.

Jefferson also said,

The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg (Jefferson, Notes).

Modern-day fundamentalists are trying to return to the Dark Ages, by infiltrating the government, forcing prayer in schools, the teaching of Intelligent Design and Creation “science” and by changing the secular government to a religious one. Fundamentalist and evangelistic adherents are more and more commonly expressing a mindset that all liberals, progressives, atheists, homosexuals and others they deem undesirables, should be carted off to an island prison somewhere in the middle of the ocean. This, because the secularists and queers among us are “trying to take over” the government.

Frank Schaeffer, New York Times best-selling author[1] and contributor to the Huffington Post, receives hate-mail all the time from the religious right. This particular one was from a priest.

Frank, I just read that you are supporting the pro-abortionist Barach [sic] Hussein Obama…Now you support a man who is the dream come true of everything ANTI-Christian. Are you no longer Christian?? I was stunned…Please respond, How could you post on the Huffington Post, the most anti-Christian, anti-traditional site?? These people HATE everything Christianity stands for!

In Christ,

Father G. (Shaeffer).

Don’t you love how the hateful, racist diatribe, baiting with the emphasis on the president’s middle name, ends with “In Christ”? This should be a clue. Being in Christ means being hateful and disingenuous.

The fatal error here, is that the government was created as secular, and it’s the Extreme Right that is seeking a takeover. It’s time for the general public to recognize this, and stop allowing the fanatics to redefine everything to their liking.

Still think the religious zealots aren’t trying to take over our government?

“We have enough votes to run the country. And when the people say, ‘We’ve had enough,’ we are going to take over.” ~ Pat Robertson, speech given to the April, 1980 “Washington for Jesus” rally, quoted from Robert Boston, The Most Dangerous Man in America, p. 29

Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody’s pseudo-right to worship an idol.” ~Rev. Joseph Morecraft, Chalcedon Presbyterian Church, “Biblical Role of Civil Government” speech given 8/31/93 at Biblical Worldview and Christian Education Conference.

“This is God’s world, not Satan’s. Christians are the lawful heirs, not non-Christians.” ~Gary North, Political Polytheism: The Myth of Pluralism (Tyler, TX: Institute for Christian Economics, 1989), p. 102.

“We need a legal strategy which protects the rights of those of us who hold Christian convictions which will afford us the opportunity to contend once again for the mind of this culture.” ~Keith A. Fournier, ACLJ brochure “Religious Cleansing.”

“If Christian people work together, they can succeed during this decade in winning back control of the institutions that have been taken from them over the past 70 years. Expect confrontations that will be not only unpleasant but at times physically bloody…This decade will not be for the faint of heart, but the resolute. Institutions will be plunged into wrenching change. We will be living through one of the most tumultuous periods of human history. When it is over, I am convinced God’s people will emerge victorious.” ~Pat Robertson, Pat Robertson’s Perspective Oct-Nov 1992.

“America is under the judgment of God. And if we are ever going to rebuild this country, it must be under God’s law. Our goal must be simple: We must have a Christian nation built on God’s law, on the Ten Commandments. No apologies.” ~Randall Terry, Operation Rescue, address to “Cities of Refuge” campaign, Willoughby Hills, OH, July, 1993.

“We at the Christian Coalition are raising an army who cares. We are training people to be effective—to be elected to school boards, to city councils, to state legislatures, and to key positions in political parties…By the end of this decade, if we work and give and organize and train, THE CHRISTIAN COALITION WILL BE THE MOST POWERFUL POLITICAL ORGANIZATION IN AMERICA. ~ Pat Robertson, in a fundraising letter, July 4, 1991.[2]

Perhaps if they dislike this government and its secular nature so much, they ought to remove themselves to that very island. That way, they could set up the kind of government that doesn’t offend their extremist sensibilities and they can flagellate themselves into oblivion, while the rest of us can get on with our lives. Those free lives guaranteed to us by those Founding Fathers in their original documents.

A time machine is needed, so that we can send the zealots back to the 16th century, where they will be allowed to do those things.

Clearly, the Founding Fathers intended for religion to remain separate from government. Separation of church and State was included because they wanted to avoid the persecutions in England by those of religious bent. The United States Constitution is also clear about this matter, yet there are myriad examples of its violation.

As a society, we actually entertain the idea of having creationism taught as fact in our schools.

In Alabama, biology textbooks carry a warning that says that evolution is “a controversial theory some scientists present as a scientific explanation for the origin of living things…No one was present when life first appeared on Earth. Therefore, any statement about life’s origins should be considered as theory, not fact.” [3] In Alabama, it seems, if you wake up to snow on the ground, but no one saw it snowing, then you may only propose a “theory” as to the origin of the snow (Carroll).

When we vote, we often have to go to a church to do so. When we go to ballgames, we must listen to some local pastor say a prayer; when we enter the halls of government buildings, we must pass by marble displays of the biblical Ten Commandments; when our tax dollars go to the upkeep of faith-based schools; when we celebrate a National Day of Prayer; when we pay for something with money that has “In God We Trust” stamped on it; when our children recite the Pledge of Allegiance, to include “One nation, under God”; and when the newly elected President of the United States is inaugurated, and has to place his hand on a Bible to take his oath of office. All these things are examples of the lack of church and state separation.

The proper place for the study of religious beliefs is in a church or temple, at home, or in a course on comparative religions, but not in a biology class. There is no place in our world for an ideology that seeks to close minds, force obedience, and return the world to a paradise that never was. Students should learn that the universe can be confronted and understood, that ideas and authority should be questioned, that an open mind is a good thing. Education does not exist to confirm people’s superstitions, and children do not learn to think when they are fed only dogma” (Berra).

James Madison was the primary author of the Bill of Rights, and in it, he also reiterated the importance of separation of church and state. Jefferson echoed this sentiment in the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom.

Though these words exist as underpinning to our dealings with religion and service, it is near impossible for a person of no faith to get elected.

In the 2008 elections, Republican candidate for North Carolina senate, Elizabeth Dole, ran an “attack ad” which labeled her opponent, Kay Hagan “godless.” At the end of the ad, a woman’s voice is heard saying “There is no god.” This was an underhanded way to implicate Hagen as an unworthy candidate, even though the recording was not of Hagen. Dole has since been sued by Hagen for liable and defamation, and Hagen felt the need to run her own ad professing her Christianity. Dole, incidentally, lost the race.

This is another example of how religion permeates our society, even in the realm of politics. I fail to see the correlation between lack of religion and an inability to serve honorably, but most Americans don’t seem to agree. The reason seems to be that “godless” people are somehow less trustworthy, less moral, less ethical and less capable of serving in an office that seeks to represent the common good.

There are many historical figures who recognize this misrepresentation, and agree. One of them said,

“I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the President—should he be Catholic—how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference, and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him, or the people who might elect him.”

This, from one of our nation’s most beloved public servants, John F. Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States of America. And he was, as is common knowledge, a practicing Catholic.

Susan Jacoby, a respected atheist, secularist, bestselling author and director of the Center for Inquiry, New York, has said,

…people who belong to no Church make up the fastest-growing segment of the American population. In the 1980s, no more than 8 per cent refused to identify a religious affiliation. This year, the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life found that the ranks of the unchurched had doubled. Highly educated Americans are most likely to fall within a group ranging from atheists to those describing their religion as “nothing in particular.”

There is a powerful correlation between fundamentalism and lack of education. According to Pew, 45 per cent of Americans with no education beyond high school adhere to biblical literalism, while only 29 per cent with some university education—and 19 per cent of university graduates—share that old-time faith. Republicans have tapped into the fundamentalist resentment of educated, sceptical elites to form the party’s right-wing Christian base (Religion Remains).

The motto of the American people, “In God We Trust,” was not adopted as the national slogan until 1956, though most Americans seem to think it was minted on the first coin after the Declaration of Independence was signed. Indeed, the majority in society seem to respond to God very much like the subjects in the Emperor’s New Clothes. They don’t dare question their ruler, though it is blatantly obvious he is behaving scandalously and is a ridiculous excuse for a leader.

I hope to one day be called to testify in a court of law, because when they say “Raise your right hand…do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” I will say, “not so help me, God, no.”

I will enjoy the tittering and mumbling moving through the spectators. The judge will lean over and say, “Why not, Ms. Baeli?”

And I will say, “I believe in the separation of church and state. This court is state. That Bible is church. Furthermore, I’m an atheist. But I’ll be happy to swear on the value of my own ethics.”

=========================

[1] *author of the forthcoming Patience With God: Faith For People Who Don’t Like Religion (Or Atheism) and also of Crazy for God: How I Grew Up as One of the Elect, Helped Found the Religious Right, and Lived to Take All (or Almost All) of It Back.
[2]For more quotes like these, refer to Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology (Volume 4, Cosmology of the Dark Side).
[3] Also, please note that they do not apply this argument to their own statements about how life began, and what happened all that time ago. Hypocrites.

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Lesbian Readers & Writers

Another writer friend of mine recently posted a blog about the inordinate amount of winking that goes on in lesbian fiction.

I had to think about that….I know what she means. There are always some little irritants with those books…I just haven’t read a bad one in so long…because I…sort of…avoid bad books whenever possible. As for the winking…I may not have noticed this in lesbian books, because I really don’t read much lesfic (And like Diana, I hate that word too…in fact, I really don’t even like the word lesbian. Never have. But I guess we’re stuck with it).

catreading1Anyway, the reason I stopped reading lesbian books was because I was so frequently and so profoundly disappointed in them. (and in fact, it was the reason I started writing novels–I was so dissatisfied with lesbian fiction, and I wanted to write a book *I* would want to read).  Now, granted, I probably haven’t read enough of them to have an unbiased view–definitely not a scientific sampling….but after trying repeatedly, and finding that 9 out of 10 of them were awful, I just went back to writers I knew and respected. And yes, most of them are mainstream authors, not lesbians. I cut my literary teeth on Edgar Rice Burroughs, Edgar Allen Poe, Darian North, Raymond Obstfeld/Laramie Dunaway, Robert A. Heinlein, Dean Koontz, (and yes, some Stephen King); and most recently am enjoying Nelson DeMille and Michael Robotham. The only lesbian writer I read nowadays is Kate Genet. Yes, she’s my partner, but just know, dear reader, that I felt this way about her writing before we met, and in fact, that’s how we met. We both appreciated each other’s writing. I seem to recall liking Curious Wine quite a lot, but that’s been so long ago…and I liked books by Gabriella Goldsby and Georgia Beers….But I always know that I will not be disappointed with Kate’s work. She is brilliant, in my humble opinion. She just seems to write in lesbian sub-genres that aren’t all the rage with the masses of readers, and so doesn’t get the kudos she deserves, as far as I’m concerned. I’m sure there are some high quality lesbian writers out there, but I guess I just gave up trying to find them.

Insofar as feeling some obligation to read authors who are also SAPPHIC–I mean, who wants to slog through womanreadingbadkindlebad books, when you can just stop reading and look for something else you can really enjoy? I will never live long enough to read all the GOOD books I want to read, so if the first two pages make me roll my eyes, I put it away and look elsewhere. With the advent of self-publishing, anyone who thinks they can write, can publish, without ever paying their dues, honing their craft. I know. I have been writing for something like 25 years, and I rewrote every book I have until I could be proud of it, applying all I’d learned to make it the best book it could be. I can go back and read through my first manuscripts and literally CRINGE at the mistakes I made; how truly amateurish it was. So I kept writing, kept studying the craft of writing, paying attention to the writing of those I admired–studying them, and kept applying that learning to those stories of mine. And that process will never end. There will always be something else to learn, to make me a better writer.

Curiously, I think there is this concept among lesbian readers (and some lesbian writers) that lesbian fiction is some type of sacred cow–and should never be criticized or spoken ill of, which means, they should not be held to the same standards as all other examples of “good” writing. I wonder why that is? I won’t defend a book or give it a five star review unless I really feel it is excellent. If I am not impressed with it or even hate it, I don’t bother with a review at all. To me, posting a horrid review is less about reviewing the work, and more about making yourself feel superior in public. And besides, I don’t see the value in trashing someone else’s work. I wouldn’t want anyone to trash mine. Call it a professional courtesy. But that doesn’t mean I won’t speak my mind on my own blog. That’s what it’s for. I just won’t post it under that author’s Amazon or Smashwords listing.

Having said that, I will mention that as treacherous as these waters can be, I find most lesbian romances to be cheesy and puerile, with no regard for clever plotting, character development, or style. I stopped reading het romances for JUST THAT REASON. I usually abhor formula fiction of any kind, and the romance genre is replete with every example of what NOT to do if you want to write a really good book. Great sales and great writing aren’t always on the same tandem bicycle. Sometimes, it’s simply that there are fewer discerning readers out there, and quite a few readers who are easily impressed or entertained. I take my vocation seriously, and I wish they would too. For one thing, it would be nice if these mediocre or bad writers would learn about mechanics, spelling, grammar, sentence structure, story arc, and…how about a fresh, unique premise every now and again?

talk thru handOkay, I have probably pissed off some people by now, so maybe I should hush. It’s really awful to have to mince words simply because it might alienate someone who could be a potential reader. But then again, do I want those types as my readers? If those readers who are now huffing and puffing and busting a vein on their foreheads would give it a bit of thought, they’d see that they should be glad that I care that much about the quality of my own work. I hold myself and others to the same standard, and it’s because I want every reader to get to the end of my books and feel satisfied, knowing their time and money was not wasted.

This whole business is so populated with irony, these days, I can hardly stand it.

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Thatness & Whatness – being snarky

Bound to happen….don’t know why I’m surprised. I’ve been publishing excerpts intended to market thatness&whatness2013Apr1_248Supernatural Hypocrisy. Someone just gave me a pissy little review on one of them a while ago, so I went to his site and left one of my own. Amazing what people do.

His review was on Thatness & Whatness, and only said
“Review by: Brent Adams on March 31, 2013 : star
Not impressed. Doesn’t seem well thought out or researched.”

So I looked at his wordpress site, and it was one of those generic, newly made ones with all the defaults still up, and I left a snarky comment:

“Kelli Jae Baeli on April 1, 2013 at 3:49 am said:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Your site “doesn’t seem well-thought out or researched.” How does that feel?
Before you slam someone else’s work on smashwords, perhaps you should read the whole book rather than an excerpt–and as for your comments, it took 3 years of research-something like 475 references from reputable sources, and it was nothing BUT well-thought out and researched. I spent my whole life compiling for that book, and working on it, to some degree, and also studied under a bible scholar. So how about you keep your opinion to yourself until you know what you’re talking about?”

I just get so weary of that sort of thing. Sigh. It’s a shame that reviews can be posted by just anyone, whether they’re qualified or not, these days. In the golden yesteryears, one had to be educated in the subject area and hold a position as a reviewer with some reputable entity, before posting reviews. I guess those days are over. I do appreciate responses and reviews from readers, but sometimes, I wonder if we’d be better off without them.

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Irony-Fest on Giving it Away

criticnametagWelcome to the Irony-Fest, please sign in and wear your name tags.

This topic has become a comedy of ironies.

Herein lies the oft-repeated back-handed compliments and erroneous and mixed opinions we authors often deal with, in relation to our work. It seems that some readers just don’t understand nor appreciate what authors are offering, and why. And they don’t seem to understand the function of short works in this regard. Would that we could be treated with the same respect that other professions enjoy, without  suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

In one blog, Distracting Fiction: Brand Vs. Generic, I tackled the criticism of including brand names of things in my stories,  in another, Diversify & Die, I address the challenges of marketing yourself and why I started concentrating on writing in just one major genre, and in another, Stranger Fiction, Reviews & Truthiness, I said “Historically, there has been a notable chasm between the author’s craft and the reading public’s knowledge of what that craft includes” and discussed the odd complaints of readers who missed critical nuances and story elements, and in Bloody Hands, I revealed the intensely personal emotional development a writer must have in order to write well, and the abject vulnerability that revealing yourself on the page entails.

Imagine my dismay when, in the second review of Giving it Away : Spoilers as Both Noun & Accusation (Why Book Reviews Matter & How to Write a Proper One), I found:

Review by: (MT) on March 19, 2013 : star star star star
This book is 10 pages and 20+ promotional pages for the author’s other work. It is a short read. It goes a little long on don’t give away spoilers. The meat of the book for me was in two pages. The author gives useful tips on doing reviews. Which I plan to use in the future when reviewing ficiton. Thanks for your work. Your other books look interesting as well.
(review of free book)

In the first review, this:

Review by: DHK on March 19, 2013 : star star star starstar 

I found this book timely, although a bit vague and short on specifics. I’m not knocking the book – it’s only some 5100 words long, after all – but simply saying Baeli could have done more with it even if that entailed a much larger book. I think the topic itself – writing thoughtful reviews – is certainly something that needs addressing and I applaud Baeli for beginning that conversation. I hope she expands it into something a new reviewer can keep readily to hand just as one should a good dictionary or manual for one’s primary job.

DHK
(Website)

Yes, the MT review, she gave it 4-stars, (thank you) and she did say something nice in the last few sentences, (thanks again) but also seemed troubled by the fact that the article was short, and had promotional material in it.  [IRONY ALERT] she also said at the end of the review that my other books looked interesting…um, wasn’t that the material at the back of the book she complained about? I included that extra data for both marketing reasons, and because [IRONY ALERT] I wanted to be able to toss more in there for the reader, so it wouldn’t seem they were getting nothing for something, even though they were actually getting something for nothing, because the eArticle was FREE.

Then she said it also  “goes a little long on don’t give away spoilers” when [IRONY ALERT] the article was ABOUT SPOILERS.

Why do some readers seem offended when we add information in the back of the book about our other work? Do they not understand that this is our vocation, and the goal is to sell the creations we toil over? Don’t we have the same right as others to advertise the fruits of our talent and hard work? And when we offer some of our writing for free in order to do that, why is that such a burr under their saddles? And why do they seem pissy that a SHORT work of say, 10 pages, is not LONGER, when it’s not intended to be a thorough examination of a subject, and the download of it is even FREE????

bangheadwall1

 

In the FIVE star DHK review, he said the “book” was “a bit vague…” (when there was nothing vague about it, even though I had said in the book blurb, “This is one time when you should be vague.”) Isn’t it ironic? Doncha think?

He also said the article was “short on specifics”  while the MT review said it “goes a little long on don’t give away spoilers” (when that was indeed the TOPIC of the article). DHK said, “Baeli could have done more with it even if that entailed a much larger book”  when it wasn’t a book, but a short article, and the intent, clearly stated, was that it was a micro-topic, not a topic under a microscope.

As I said in the previous blog post, I don’t have TIME to devote to expanding nonfiction subjects, even though I have published quite a few nonfiction books, with a list of them still sitting unfinished, as I am busy writing full-length novels, for which I hope to get quality reviews from those who know how to properly WRITE a review, which is what this article was about. If they want full-length works exclusively, I could point them to 33 of my other BOOKS.

Oh, and did I mention that the article WAS FREE?

All this, after a collection of respected and qualified authors posted thanks and kudos for what I was sharing in that article, the author and board member of Lambda Literary Foundation, KG MacGregor, sent me an email saying “Thanks so much for your blog on spoiler reviews. As a board member at Lambda Literary Foundation, I forwarded it to our LL Review editor and asked him to share it with our reviewers. That’s the best set of questions I’ve ever seen!”

So much for the mistaken concept that you can please everyone, which is also something I said in the article:

But remember that we writers can’t please everyone, we can only write the stories we feel compelled to write, and hope there are those who are interested in reading them. And more importantly, writing well is hard work; we pour ourselves into the job, and we have feelings, just like you do.

And in the blog before this, I asked the burning question: Ironically, I wonder what the reviews for his publication will be like?

I’m beginning to think that we authors need a place to review the reviews  on our books. Hardly seems fair that the public at large can say what they want about our work, even if it’s erroneous or misinterpreted, and we just have to sit there like we’re in the dunking booth at the county fair.

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If a Woodchuck Could Chuck YOU.

Was meeting a friend at a local pub I like a lot, even though it’s often noisy as hell, and I picked out a booth to wait for my friend to arrive. The waitress gave me a glare when I sat down at the table that still had the paid ticket and the dirty dishes. I had never had a rude waitress there, so gave her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she wasn’t looking at me.

Then it took her a full five minutes to get over there and clean the table off, and I wondered. When I tried to order a Strongbow (cider beer) she said they didn’t carry it. I told her I got it every time I came in.  She said, no I didn’t (almost the same as saying “you’re a liar.”) I was trying not to get irritated, I mean, this WAS her job, after all–serving customers.

“Well, do you have any other cider beers?”

“Woodchuck.”  She seemed anxious to either go home early or choke me with her towel.

I knew Woodchuck came in almost as many flavors as gourmet coffee, so I asked, “Is it the one that’s cider?”

She said, “No, it’s peach.”

I wondered if the peach was also cider…”Is the peach cider, or just peach?”

“We don’t have any cider drinks.”

Since when? I thought. I struggled to employ as much patience as I could, knowing that if she had been a bit more helpful, I wouldn’t have to play Twenty Questions with her. I decided to ask her for a drink menu, deciding I’d look for myself. There, under the CIDERs was Woodchuck Amber. I called her over and pointed to it. “See this Woodchuck Amber? It’s listed under cider. Could you bring me that?”

She said nothing, but took the menu and stomped off. Is she getting my Woodchuck? Or is she just walking away? I mused. I always feel fiercely uncomfortable by a wait-person who isn’t in a good mood. I feel guilty, like somehow it’s my fault. But then the voice of reason kicks in and I begin to name all the myriad ways in which her behavior was unacceptable:

  • I had been a waitress for years, and was never rude to a customer. That’s why I made great tips. And why she didn’t. At least not from me.
  • She had chosen a position in the service industry: service, being the operative term.
  • I was not asking for anything other than what I always got when i went there.
  • There were plenty of other people who needed a job, and would be glad to have hers.
  • Customers should not have to engage in a game of Jeopardy to place their drink order (Answer: Woodchuck Amber. Question: What is the name of your cider beer?)

Presently, she returned with the Woodchuck and tried to get away, but I stopped her, asking for a menu. That, too, it seems, caused her a great deal of consternation. I was fearful, at that point, of ordering any food, because I thought she might spit in it. After a few moments, I got up and snagged another waitress and asked if they’d send a manager to my table when the manager was not too busy.

A minute later a girl appeared, and I felt compelled to ask her if she was the manager before I continued, since she appeared to be about 16. She verified she was a manager, so I explained the situation, as nicely as I could, stating that I had never had a problem with any of the wait staff here before, which is why I kept coming back, but that I was hoping to get a different server for the remainder of the evening. She happily obliged and offered several apologies.

So for the rest of the evening, I had to watch the previous one walk by, and glare at me.

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Lesbian films

One of my biggest peeves is that the films about lesbians are not held to the same standards as other films, probably because their target audience is so hungry to see stories about something they can relate to on a sexual orientation level. However, this should never be a reason to call a film good when it simply isn’t.

And Then Came Lola is an example of that. No character development, a plot that is meaningless, situations that are contrived, and a story that was interspersed with some cartoon interludes that were unnecessary, incongruous and distracting. Some of the actresses were decent in their craft, which I think would be even better if they had good material to work with. And of course, most of them were easy on the eyes (three of them, my particular favorite types) but that’s about as much as i can say for this film. Overall, it was a grand disappointment.

Same goes for another crop I saw recently, most of which I couldn’t bear to watch all the way through.

Mango Kiss was so stereotypical, as to be insulting–as if it had been made for straight people with certain rigid ideas about how gay women are, what their lifestyle is like, and that everyone who is gay is either deviant, addicted, dishonest or mentally ill. I Can’t Think Straight had me thinking straight enough that I would rather have watched all straight characters in just about any other movie, than another second of this one. Boring from the first moment.

I have seen a few that were good–I enjoyed Desert Hearts, Better Than Chocolate, and Puccini for Beginners. But there are some films touted in the gay community as favorites, which I fail to understand;  like Claire of the Moon and High Art. I thought both of those movies were horrid. It’s no wonder there are so many people in our society who shun the gay community. Even our creative self-representations can be overtly negative and even repulsive. Now, while I freely admit I haven’t seen every lesbian film ever made, this is largely because I lost interest in them for the very reasons I mention here. This is one of the reasons I became a novelist–the same had been true of lesbian fiction, and I finally decided if I wanted to read the type of story that represented me as a gay woman, and made me feel good about it, I’d have to write it myself.

 

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The Biggest Lies of All

Up until the day it truly ended, I believed that she was just overwhelmed with things and not strong enough to pull herself out of the abyss. I believed that circumstances beyond our control poisoned all the water in the relationship well. That she lost herself somewhere along the way.  I excused this, even though there should have been a limit to how much she let other people control her happiness and ability to function. I tried not to judge her harshly, but just be supportive, even amid my own fears and unhappiness.
Now, with the new information, it’s different in my mind. She so often accused me of being incapable of saying I was wrong. This has never been true and I will illustrate once more here, with irony: I was completely and utterly wrong about her. Who she was. Flat wrong. She had lied from the very first day about what she thought and felt, and never shared her true feelings with me. And she could only see the negative in her private moments, but still talked the talk to my face about the positive. And she distorted so much in her mind–misunderstood so many things, heard something different than what was being said. She had this scary way of contradicting herself even within the same paragraph or sentence. When both of those things could not have been true at once. I saw the disconnect in her reasoning; the nonsensical way she interpreted every detail she focused upon, and how she ignored all the other details that would have balanced it out. I wouldn’t have known this if I hadn’t been privy to this new information. Information that cuts like a knife, and is so unfair, so heartless, so shallow and petty and riddled with deception and falsehood.
SO when the stressors came along in our relationship, what i was seeing was her REAL self. The one she could no longer hide. The one who could not tell the truth. The one who had no coping skills, could not communicate her feelings or thoughts, could not find strength, but only turn to drugs and alcohol; the one who could not process information in a healthy or rational way. The one who had no clue about my value as a human being or a partner. The one who could look right at me and say she loved me, wanted to be married to me, knowing it wasn’t true and she didn’t even know how to love. 
That was the most mammoth lie of all. To let someone think you love them when you don’t. To go along with each and every stage in a growing relationship, and never utter a word of what you were really feeling and thinking. To let that other person plan her life according to that promise you gave her. To allow that person to sacrifice herself to you, believing that it was real. All a lie
How did I not feel that? Maybe I did, but just dismissed it as the result of the outside stressors. Now i see. I spent a year of my life on this person who made the sincerity of my heart a falsehood. And then followed it up with still more falsehood when it was time to step up and have some integrity and own her mistakes. Instead, she tried to shift that blame onto the person who tried to love her, tried to help her and was always 100% honest about everything. 
What you gave in return were lies. All lies.

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EXTENDED STRESS Hotel.

My Cherryot was loaded to capacity, with the things I thought I’d need for two months, until an apartment became available.

 

At Extended Stay, I checked in with desk clerk–started to unload, and had to take several things up first (5 trips in elevator) before I noticed that there was a luggage cart in front with a tattooed guy leaning on it talking to another guy. “Oh a luggage cart!” I said. “I need that.” He said he only had a couple of things and rushed off to get his task done so I could have it.

Meantime, I wanted to get the cats out of the Cherryot so they’d be safe and I’m sure they needed some freedom. That cardboard box in back of crate with litter was bound to be hard to lay next to.

I was trying to figure out what to do to get the cats up there safely. I also knew there was a limit of one animal, and so I had to be careful they didn’t see two.

I emptied a small gym bag and tried to put Monkey in it, but she doesn’t like being trapped, and I felt awful that I’d have to zip it up and scare her, and it was a small bag; I was stressing her more. So I dragged out the big red rolling suitcase, emptied it, and put her in it fairly easily, and then rolled her down the walk, through the breezeway, onto the elevator, all the while reassuring her in a sweet voice that it was okay and I was right here and we’d be in the room soon, etc. I always talk to my cats, explain things to them, as if they completely understand the English language.

I put Monkey in the bathroom and closed door, went to get Biscuit. She’s always harder to manage because these travel scenarios wear her out. Again, I discovered she was lying in the litterbox and wouldn’t come out. She did that on my move here in 09. I had to move a bunch more things, just to get that huge crate turned so I could get the door open wide enough, because I had to reach all the way to the back to get her. Monkey just came out when I asked her to, and then I just picked her up. With Biscuit, it was another story. I would have to be aggressive and just grab her and poke her in the case, because no amount of quiet explanation would get her to do what I needed her to do. And I had to be careful she didn’t slip out the door of Cherryot and run away. Horrifying thought for me.

SO she was in there and I asked her not to cry too loud so anyone would hear. Just as we reached the elevators, and passed a maintenance guy, she cried once, and I hurriedly coughed rudely continually, punching the elevator button. Finally the car came down and I rolled her in, and had another soothing conversation with her, for what it was worth. Even told her she was a pretty kitty and mommy loved her very much.

Got Biscuit in the bathroom with Monkey, and knew Monkey would console her, while I went to get the rolling cart and unload the rest. It still wasn’t there.

Mind you, there was a memory foam mattress rolled up and attached to the luggage rack of the Cherryot, along with the litter box with that 35 pound container of litter, and couple other things. I didn’t want someone to steal it. The bed, not the litter. My friends know that my foamy bed is as crucial to me as breathing, because I can’t sleep on anything else without my back going out.

Finally I procured the luggage cart from Tattoo Guy and began loading it up. Hard to do, since most things were not neatly arranged in one size liquor boxes or crates. Had to be creative with stacking since a couple of the plastic tubs had no lids. I had to pull them out of the garden shed thing off the back porch of house and clean them out. Anyway, it took about 4 trips to get it all up there.

The entire time, I am limping because of my injured knee (thanks to my Awful X– as in previous, X–as in crossed out, gone, no longer applicable), and my hands were so sore, and my spine felt like it had hot bricks for discs, my feet were throbbing, and my neck was making threats to rupture a disc again. If that happened, I was down for the count, and I would be completely immobilized. I hoped for good fortune and carried on.

Once in the room, I had intended to go straight to bed, too tired to shower. But then I had to find things and then I started unpacking in increments, and then before I knew it, I had unpacked everything, maybe it was just leftover nervous energy.

During this time, I was on the phone with my best friend Justi, and my spirits were considerably higher because I was allowing myself to feel relieved that I was somewhere I could rest. Make camp. I told her about the fine art of controlling a loaded luggage cart; it likes to spin around at will like a go cart with one bad brake.

Then I can’t avoid the need for food any longer and about 12:30, I hoped there was a drive thru open. Problem was, I seemed to be in a section of the city that was a fast food dead zone. I drove North on Wadsworth, and saw nothing. I was going to use my Mango fast food app on my iPhone to find it but realized that app was lost in the last screwy update I did where I forgot to select to save apps. I searched it and got it again, while still talking to her, and she was on her computer trying to find me a place to get food too. Then I said I just wanted a cheeseburger and fries. Small. My stomach was shrunk. I had already lost five pounds from stress and exertion in the last 6 days.

“There’s an Arby’s on Jewel,” she offered.

“I don’t want Arby’s, I want a cheeseburger. I’m looking for McDonalds and Burger King, because I knew they were open late, too.”

“There’s also a Wendy’s on Jewel,” she added.

“I don’t want Wendy’s because I want fries and I don’t like their fries. Too fat.”

I finally located the Wendy’s though, and drove past it looking for ARBY’s because she began extolling the virtues of sliced roast beef and cheese sauce and seasoned curly fries. I didn’t see it, and my stomach was growling and I was a little dizzy from hypoglycemia. I turned around and went back toward Wendy’s. “Fuck it, I’ll got to Wendy’s. At least they have cheeseburgers.” And then I discovered they had something called a Baconator, with natural cut fries with sea salt. Enjoyed a playful conversation with the order taker and got my goodies. The fries were delish, and when I got back to the hotel and tried the Baconator, it became automatically my new favorite burger, so it all worked out.

The fact that I would post this is perhaps an indication that vanity is not one of my shortcomings.

There was much I needed to do–I didn’t have time to actually let the emotional aspects kick in. I was afraid I wouldn’t get things done if I was blubbering like a two year old. I had paperwork from the court and advocacy group people to go through, information to fill out, notes to take in Daytimer, figuring out my next steps and priorities. I still had bills I needed to take care of, (that my Awful X had failed to pay, though she had used my money to pay HERS for about 4 months while she stayed unemployed). I had to update my bank account info before the bills came due, etc. I started my water distiller and drank what was left in previous jug, so dehydrated. My eyes were bloodshot, and I looked terrible in the bright light of that hotel bathroom mirror. So I graced my best friend with a photo of that and MMS’d it to her.

I looked like I’d been dragged behind a horse. Or at least my EYES had been dragged behind a horse. Or maybe a goat. A large, feral goat.

On the TV the size of a breadbox, I’m sort of watching some movie called Teen Witch about a coven of high school witches. Ironically it was partly about them discovering their powers to take vengeance on those who had wronged them, and I wished fervently for a little of that craft. Then I started watching another movie and eventually fell asleep.

Next morning, fire alarms go off, pulling me out the door onto the balcony muttering what the fuck? It stopped and I went back to bed, then the alarms went off again, just as I was dozing. I went back outside to look around to see if there was any smoke or firetrucks and heard a guest below me mutter What the fuck? which made me think that was quite the appropriate response. My nerves were raw by now, this 6th day of the debacle, with 3 hours sleep, on top of 2 on top of 2 on top of 3, on top of 5 on top of NONE and none. I was certainly not going back to sleep now. I checked to see if my direct deposit had been transferred to the new account from the old one, and it hadn’t. I’m getting more and more stressed. I called the bank and they said it would happen within an hour. So I got dressed and went to the front desk to arrange to pay for another day.

Enter, stage right, the archetype of Rude Managers. Anne, I think her name was. I had missed checkout time at 11. And because my money didn’t transfer to my new account yet, I explained and said the bank was correcting, would be ok within an hour, but she said I had to be out by 3p. She wouldn’t let me pay for another day, even with a credit card, she said I had to pay for the week. I said the agreement I had made with them on the phone was to pay for two nights and then pay for a whole month, for this month and then May, until my apartment was available. She said I had to pay for the week. I said I could pay her cash or use a credit card for one more night and then she’d have over a thousand dollars for me to stay the month, and she wouldn’t budge, she said get out by 3p. Now, this was particularly hurtful and aggravating, because I had explained my predicament to her on the phone, and she knew I was escaping a bad situation. Before walking out the door I said “Just remember, lady, Karma is a castrating bitch.”

SO then I’m freaking out, because now, not only am I dealing with the bank glitch, but having to load the Cherryot AGAIN, with no place to go afterward. I’m not good at feeling helpless or trapped, and this was exactly that situation, in spades.

At Justi’s counsel, I called the Apartments office to see if they had a different apartment that would be available NOW, and if not, a month to month one until the other one was ready. If not, where would they suggest I stay? I was trying to go to the bank while talking to Justi and got so disoriented, I didn’t know where I was. Took me 10 minutes to get the map to make sense on my phone. All the while I’m chanting, I am stronger that her (D), I will get through this. I will be okay. And then I was angry that I was dealing with all this because of her, and for the first time in my life, I used that word I hate so much. I shouted, “She is such a cunt!”

Then I had to pull over and take a deep breath, because I was losing it and I had to keep control in order to get myself out of this situation. I continued to chant I’m okay…I’m strong enough to deal with this, it’s just temporary, I’m okay…

I went to the bank, and they were so nice. They did a credit memo, based on my direct deposit, and made $2000 available to me, in cash. I’m standing there at the counter at the bank, tears streaming down my face, my body throbbing, my knee killing me, desperately needing a drink of water, food and some sleep. I redeposited enough cash to cover the 200 dollar security fee, and $20 application fee I wrote temporary checks for at the Apartments, plus some fees for the cashier’s check. Traded out the other cash for that. I kept hearing that song in my head by Billy Pilgrim: Got my own falling-apart-ment….

SO I left with a sealed envelope of $2000 and felt slightly better. Except for the possibility of being mugged. That would have been the first horseman of the Apocalypse. I tried not to think about it. At least I had money. I’d be very careful. I also had the $300 from pawning my guitar–which i was loath to do, as it is beloved, and a symbol of happier days when i was playing and singing with my band in front of a receptive audience… But strangely, having cash is not always helpful these days. Most people won’t take it. And temporary checks are shunned. And I didn’t have a debit card yet to get to my funds that way.

As it turned out, with the apartments, I didn’t even have to go to the second choice of a month to month or third choice of asking them to refer me elsewhere, because they had an apartment. It was a 2br,  with a private garage – it cost more of course, but just as Justi said, I make more now and can afford it. Plus when I get my storage, I’ll have an extra $135 from not paying that; and my Cherryot pays off in May, so starting in June, that will be an additional $330 per month I’ll have. I was relieved, though still shaky and skeptical…

I spoke with Shelia (had spoken to Kayla earlier too) they all knew the story of what had happened. When I got to the Apartment office, Kayla came out of the far office with her arms wide, saying “You poor thing! Come here, you need a hug~!” and she gave me a big hug. It almost made me cry. She said not to worry, I was home now, and everything would be okay. That also nearly made me cry, because it did feel like home. All the things home is supposed to feel–safe, pleasant, convenient, with supportive people around you.

Before any business was done, Shelia came over to sit with us and the two asked me details of what happened. I talked about more of what I’d been through and details about D’s arrest and that night when she threw the gun in koi pond. They were both rapt. It was like sitting with two old friends. They know I’m gay and they don’t care. They were supportive and encouraging. It felt so good and went a long way to relieve my stress. I said I would be writing all about it.  Kayla said I ought to do a memoir about it. I said I already have a memoir about events 10-14 years ago; I had hoped never to have this kind of thing to write about again, at least not if it was nonfiction, and happening to me; but this is another kind of drama that would work as a memoir, yes. Or I could just make it fiction. They both said they would LOVE to read it.

Kayla rushed through the application process. When I went out to get my banking information, I grabbed the new final proof for Achilles Forjan and gave it to Kayla. She was genuinely thrilled and said she couldn’t wait to read it.

So then, I went back to the bank to get a cashier’s check, and re-deposit the 200 and 20 to cover the temp checks I wrote for security deposit and app fee, and trade off cash for cashier’s check. Always nice to be recognized and waved over to a clerk at your bank–but I wish it wasn’t because I had been in there earlier in crisis mode.

All this, I did without a single Xanax.

I headed over to my new place, feeling relieved, stunned, exhausted and a little happy, all at the same time. I kept thinking, and miles to go before I sleep…

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Vamoosing

Suspended my Netflix account.
Still packing, desperately needing boxes. Downstairs, I pulled up everything in that storage room, which was the contents brought so far from storage when I actually thought I was going to be living here permanently, and her mother had finally moved, so I could do that. But only after we had ripped up the carpet down there and cleaned the unbelievable nastiness her mother lived in. goodbyepenbleach fumes, up and down stairs, aching body. I realized I would have to leave some things behind because it wouldn’t fit in my car or in storage, and I simply could not make another trip up those stairs carrying things. I was lucky I hadn’t ruptured another disc already. So I made some hard choices. All my art supplies, boxes of many things like old floppy discs, which I hoped my writing was not on without having been transferred last time I tackled that project. Took some pictures.
Called Qwest/DTV to put account on hold can’t believe they did that again, since I just took it off and switched it about a month ago. Called Extended Stay again. Still trying to work out a way to get a room for two days. Not enough on my credit card for that. Not enough cash left in the bank. Qwest needed my new service address, so had to call then on 3 way call to get the address.
Debra called–victims advocate. Told me where the court testimony will be heard from me. Victims Witness office. Court building in Brighton. She said it’s likely D will only get 1 year probation.  Still don’t know what all the charges are.
On Facebook, my friend WendyC sent me a message:
Jae,
Psycho Bitch is writing about you on Facebook! She doesn’t realize that she is “friends” with me and Brian!! lolol Do you want us to verbally attack her…or…wait to see what she writes about??
11 hours ago
D. ya, the dumb bitch lied and had me arrested for domestic violence. She distroyed my house and then told PD I did it. I NEVER expected this from her. I am so glad to be rid of her.

Infuriating. Especially, since in front of the cops (and for their benefit on Wednesday, she said “I just want to say, I’m sorry and I love you.”) How dare she blame me for what she did. Coward.

Surprisingly, when I called to beg for help from HHB card -a manager gave me a one time credit of $76. I intended to use that to pay for the u-Haul, as I had previously misread the data and where it said balance, I thought it meant available balance. So I didn’t have what I thought I had and now needed it because I had to go turn in U-Haul and HAD NO MONEY to pay for it. She said it would post on Thursday.
Then I realized after I hung up that wouldn’t help me pay for U-haul Now. Then I remembered I had those temp checks so I was going to pay that way. Then wen I went to turn in U-Haul she said the amount went through fine. Weird. So I didn’t have to write a check to them. Even though I wasted one by starting to write it.
Then I realized I needed that card balance to pay for my hotel, since they would not take cash or a check. And of course I didn’t have my debit card yet on new account. So I thought of pawning my Adamas. I hate to do that. It’s a $2000 guitar. And I love it. And sentimental value of my music days. But it IS a liquidatable asset. And I had to have some money. She even suggested putting the cash on one of those Walmart mastercards and using that, but they wouldn’t take that either because it wasn’t a “real” one. Pfft. Had to pawn Adamas.
I had to come up with a way for me to organize all the things I had to accomplish; problem solver extraordinaire. I had to alter it a little because of constraints my friend CW had in her schedule, but made it work.
  • I would take hotel stuff plus mattress and bedding and fireplace to storage. Make room in storage for other things.
  • Get the cats and crate and PC, take to CW’s downtown by 11am.
  • 1pm, court in Brighton.
  • After court, back to CW’s to pick up cats, PC, using keys CW gave me.
  • Take her keys to her at work downtown.
  • Get chg of address done at post office.
  • Go back to storage for hotel stuff and mattress, add to Cherryot, attach mattress rolled up on top.
  • Check in at hotel
 Now that sounds simple enough, except it involved more struggling, lifting, carrying, etc. CW has apartment on 3rd floor. But she was trying to get ready for work and I started without her a little. But she came down and helped me carry Crate O’ Cats the rest of the way. Carried up my computer and monitor, too. I tried to open the water dish with lid on it for them inside but it had of course all leaked out. Replaced it and headed for court in Brighton.

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Two Alarm Fires, No Waiting

Around 1 a.m., I had just gotten home from an evening out, and my friend Em called.

While we were chatting, a VERY LOUD alarm went off. INSIDE MY APT….Let me just say, I HATE loud noises. Especially ones that feel like they are shredding my eardrums. I tracked the source to a big casing on the wall above a filing cabinet.  I pulled the barstool over, climbed up, and popped the casing off, but saw no battery. Then i realized it was the doorbell. So my attention went to the wall plate six inches to the left. It had a little round hole, and when i covered it with my hand, the piercing alarm dulled. I just kept my hand there for a few seconds, enjoying the respite from the piercing shrilling. There were two screws. Flathead variety. I ran to the closet and pulled out the tool drawer, but could not locate the flathead bit for my multi-bit ratcheting screwdriver was.  The sound. The sound. That shrilling. Still permeating all the airspace.

I did the only thing any self-respecting alarm-induced psychotic would do. Brute force was called for. I fetched my hammer and proceeded to silence the offender. My head was going to explode if  I had to listen to that screaming alarm much longer. I took the claw part of the hammer and tried to pry the plate off. It was not cooperating. With frustration, and a smidgen of encroaching insanity, I just whacked the plate with the hammer. It didn’t stop, so I whacked it again. It stuttered. I was making progress. Whack! Whack! Whack! 

The faceplate was cracking nicely now, but that sound. That sound. that shrill, ear-bleeding sound was still torturing me. I just started pounding on it until it finally caved in. Until the guts  were beaten out of their metal wall-cave, I saw some square module, attached to wires, but no battery. How do I shut this thing off??? I knew that if i had to make a phone call to some night maintenance number and then wait for them to arrive, I would, by then, be fit for a straight-jacket. My head was already pounding. (My ears have always been sensitive to high-pitched noises. That’s why I don’t use a standard alarm clock, and have avoidance behaviors about other shrill noises. Like screaming children, bagpipes,  tea kettles, and the way some women talk).

I was about to attach the hammer claw to it and pull, but pictured myself being electrocuted–fried up into a crispy critter with no one around to take me to the emergency room.  (my polydactyle cat, Monkey, had opposable thumbs, as I’ve mentioned, but still can’t seem to use them to offer any help in emergencies. Or even with household chores). But that sound. That sound.  I didn’t care anymore. I hooked the wires and got a grip on the rubber of the hammer handle and pulled. Nothing. My options dwindling, I allowed my amygdala to take over and behave in utter primitive stress response; what I like to call: Kill it until it is dead.
I pried and pulled and pounded until finally, finally…the shrieking alarm was dead. Silence. Blessed silence.Except for the echo of the sound in my head.

Sighing, I looked down at the plaster pieces, the broken liquor bottle that had been on the filing cabinet below. The gutted alarm. The precious, demolished and silenced alarm, hanging out of the wall. MY ears were ringing, and then I realized, it was not just in my ears, but outside. I rushed to the door and opened itto the bracing sound again.A larger, louder alarm. The mother-sound of all the baby-sounds, that were apparently connected into all the apartments on the building. I went out to the sidewalk just as the firetrucks pulled up.

Bold as neon, I snagged the firefighter and interrogated him. He didn’t think there was a fire. They were wandering around and considering a trip into the building. I informed them that the outside alarm had gone off before, without the aid of a fire.

I had to go in. The alarm was too much. In my Bluetooth ear bud, Em was asking me if i had a fire plan. Not really. I knew the sliding glass door was  a few feet away from me most of the time. (the sliding glass door with the almost-broken latch….yes. I have some calls to make). And I knew what to grab. The cats. My hard drive, and probably not much more than that except for my iPhone and wallet and keys and such. I realized that it would be a good idea to take care of t hat missing plan.

In my current situation, I didn’t know whether or not to load the cats in a carrier. Or actually remove my hard drive from the computer. After a few minutes of wandering around looking at all the things that were to burn up in the maybe-fire, and lamenting the lack of renter’s insurance, I went back outside for an update. They had found nothing. I studied the roof and facade of the building and saw no flames. Smelled no smoke. Then my neighbors began to gather  on the outside stairs, looking over. I filled them in on what I knew and asked if their alarms were going off in their apartments. Yes. That’s why they were out there. They had been run out by the noise. Em said it was too bad they didn’t have hammers like I did.

Another trip inside, and back out in a few minutes, to talk to the firefighter again. He said that they had found the issue. Someone had pulled the fire alarm lever in the breezeway and broken off the handle. Normally, they would be able to reset it, but it was broken. One of my neighbors had reported to them that the guy living above her had done it. So someone was now busted for causing all this. Or at least, i hope they were busted. If not as an official police arrest, then in the mouth.

Not sure what I will tell maintenance when I call them to repair the murdered alarm in my wall. Maybe that I panicked. Maybe that I had an anxiety disorder and just had to stop the noise. Hopefully, they will be understanding and just repair the damn thing without charging me.

Now, as I write this, it strikes me that this is the second time in as many weeks that I have talked to an arriving fireman. I didn’t blog the other experience. It was minor. But, I had gone to the post office late at night, to try to mail some of my books from their 24-hour package kiosk, and while using the computer screen to weigh and send, realized they didn’t have the media mail option on the machine. I didn’t want to pay $8 to send a book, when i could spend $2. And I had two different books to send. So I decided to come back out to the post office during business hours and do it at the counter. When i canceled out of the program on the screen,  the fire alarm went off. I first glanced around to see if anyone else was there, and peered down the hall, to see the flashing light next to the red alarm.

So I got out of there, just in case the Federal Government had decided to install some protective device that would slam down with metal bars and block all the doors. I get paranoid like that. sometimes.

Outside, I realized as I pulled out of the lot, that I looked like someone leaving the scene of the crime. I didn’t want to wait for some 3 a.m. visit from detectives who wanted to know what i was doing at the post office, just before it BURNED DOWN.  The last thing I needed was a Domestic Terrorism charge from the Office of Homeland Security. So, I stopped and waited, to see if i could hear firetrucks. After a few seconds,  I did, so I didn’t call 911. I turned around and waited, and told the fireman what happened. I didn’t know very much, but  I wanted him to know I took the time to inform them, and I wanted to officially be seen cooperating. Nothing came of it. I guess it was a false alarm too.

Now, this apartment alarm fiasco. The question remains. Why have I been involved in two false alarms?

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Enough about you

I’ve been in a really positive place lately because everything is going so well, and I am on schedule for my move to Colorado. It’s 33 more days!! Yea! Things are going my way, and if you are a regular reader, you know that it’s cause for celebration. Anyway, just because I’m in a good space, doesn’t mean i don’t still notice some of those little niggling things that operate like a tack in my shoe.

Here’s a niggling niggler: when you are on the phone with someone, many times over a series of days or weeks, and they never think to ask anything about you; what’s going on in YOUR life, how YOU’RE doing…and when you bait them by saying, “Sorry I didn’t get your call. I was busy on this new project–”

They don’t say, “Oh, what was that?” they say, “Anyway, I was calling because blah blah effing blah.” Me me me. You realize you are merely a sounding board for the sweet echo of their own voice. It’s a monologue delivered to a live, but silent audience. Conversational masturbation.

Don’t get me wrong. I can be a talker, and I pride myself in being able to intelligently discuss a long list of subjects; and I can get on a roll and not only debate, but usurp a conversation if I get all excited about the subject…but I never forget that other people have things to add, and I always give them a chance to do that, especially after I feel compelled to expound on something at length. I apologize for my loquaciousness, and invite them to do the same. And I always ask people about what’s going on with them; give them an opportunity to share, and ask questions where clarity is needed, all in an effort to show them that I care about them, and what they have to say.

Thus, when I come across a person who keeps calling and talking about themselves, but never appears to have any interest in me or my life…well, that’s just patently self absorbed. And I find that I am not keen on answering the phone.

Grateful, now, for caller ID.

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Herniated Disco: Lies & the Lying Doctors Who Tell Them

I am on new meds and using neck brace and neck pillow and things are doing better. I also just discovered yesterday that the neurology doc LIED to me. I’m about to go after him through certain other channels at the VA. But he told me surgery was my only option and didn’t even mention other treatments. I have since found those resources and am pretty pissed that he just decided to tell me that surgery was best for me–he has a responsibility to tell me ALL my options. I was being railroaded. Now I’ve got up to 6 months to do other things that 95% of the time solves the problem. Can’t tell you how infuriated I am. But glad I didn’t cave in and believe him.

I have felt a lot better the last two days, with minimal pain. Just the few changes I made as suggested on medical sites has given me that…So I’ve got everything I need near my bed, including my computer, so that I can still do research and take care of bills and my writing and everything in the meantime.

And a friend of mine is interviewing for a job up here and is planning to move in with me. That will help us both, as I desperately need help, and she desperately needs to get out of the area and away from the people in her life there, and wants to start nursing school. There’s a good one here, She also says she’s moving to Colorado too at the same time I do. It was so nice to hear someone say they were going to be here to help me. It’s been so hard and I’ve been so emotionally and physically drained. So…win-win.

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Propaganda: No Intelligence Allowed

I just watched the documentary by Ben Stein “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” I must say the title is prophetic toward content. There was certainly no intelligence to be found in the slant of this “documentary.”

This is essentially another example of right-wing religious propaganda that likes to masquerade as fact. It is at once crucial that readers understand the primary flaw in any argument made by creationists or I.D. advocates: creationism cannot be given equal time as science, since it does not fit the description of science, nor does it hold up to scientific scrutiny. That said, I’ll take a deep breath and continue…

Next, allow me to point out that all those whom Stein interviewed who were summarily dismissed from universities for merely uttering the words “Intelligent Design” were not victims at all. This was a distorted and inaccurate representation of what actually happened. Please read Michael Shermer’s essay on this here: Ben Stein’s Blunder. Shermer was misled and lied to about the content of the documentary, even the very NAME of the documentary, as was PZ Meyers, of the infamous Pharygula. See his blog, The Simple Falsehood at the Heart of Expelled, and just search the word “Expelled” on Pharyngula for other blogs about it. Meyers was even barred from attending a screening of the film Expelled. A police officer told him he was instructed by the producer to be kept out, or he would be arrested. See his blog on this here.

Also, see the Richard Dawkins site, for this article, which I found delightfully delicious in Dawkins’ usual intelligent style of prose. There were other scientists who were railroaded in this documentary, due to their acceptance of the tenets of evolutionary theory.

As if these sins were not sufficient, a particularly heinous effrontery was offered by Richard Sternberg, upon whom Stein spent a good deal of focus. Shermer explains:

Stein, however, is uninterested in paleontology, or any other science for that matter. His focus is on what happened to Sternberg, who is portrayed in the film as a martyr to the cause of free speech. “As a result of publishing the Meyer article,” Stein intones in his inimitably droll voice, “Dr. Sternberg found himself the object of a massive campaign that smeared his reputation and came close to destroying his career.” According to Sternberg, “after the publication of the Meyer article the climate changed from being chilly to being outright hostile. Shunned, yes, and discredited.” As a result, Sternberg filed a claim against the Smithsonian for being “targeted for retaliation and harassment” for his religious beliefs. “I was viewed as an intellectual terrorist,” he tells Stein. In August 2005 his claim was rejected.

According to Jonathan Coddington, his supervisor at the Smithsonian Institution, Sternberg was not discriminated against, was never dismissed and in fact was not even a paid employee, but just an unpaid research associate who had completed his three-year term!(Shermer)

Without question, the most offensive part of the film was the overt message that evolution goes hand in hand with Nazism, and the events during the Hitler Regime. In Stein’s interview of Sternberg, the latter suggests that Hitler’s book, Mein Kampf is clearly an evolutionist document. I have addressed the mistaken idea before that Hitler was an atheist, and therefore atheists are evil. See the excerpt from my book, Supernatural Hypocrisy: The Cognitive Dissonance of a God Cosmology under the blog entry “The A.I. of Theists” where I rebut this claim with the actual text of Mein Kampf). History is rife with corrupt individuals who adapt certain ideas to their own uses. This does not, however, mean the original idea was corrupt.

Stein also offers up the argument that eugenics and euthanasia are patently evil. I wrote about the Eugenics question in a paper I republished here. As for the euthanasia issue, one of those he interviewed said that it was somehow an act of irreverence for human life. I beg to differ and instead assert that it is precisely the opposite. But those types of volatile issues can always be manipulated by emotion and fear by creationists. Creationists come by this method naturally, since they worship a god who also manipulates through emotion and fear. Take, for example the interspersed black and white clips used in Expelled from various historical events like the Nazi gas chambers, bullies beating up a smaller young man, and a scene from the Planet of the Apes where a mean old ape takes a water hose and blasts poor Charlton Heston (Moses, right? a BIBLICAL HERO. The inference is not wasted on me, though its insidious attempt at subliminal propaganda might be lost on those less attentive) Can you say Propaganda? I can. And I will. What Ben Stein has done is nothing less than exploit the Holocaust and all its victims in order to achieve his questionable purposes.

Another alleged victim of the “Nazi-Science machine of evolutionists” in the film was Caroline Crocker. But as the thorough examination of this claim showed in another article by Shermer “Crocker shows either a shocking ignorance of evolutionary science, or a rather shameless willingness to distort the truth.”

Richard Dawkins offers an open letter to a commenter on Shermer’s site, wherein he tries to clear up the awful misrepresentations and outright lies that Expelled represents.

The Devil is in the Doctrine. Be Aware, and Beware, good readers: there are lies being constantly perpetuated by people like Ben Stein. This is not new. But it is infuriating.

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Her Floxiness in 3D

Yeah. Just as I suspected. Floxy turned out to be……..A spam-I-Need-your-help-in-the-form-of-your wallet…what do you think I should do, Dear Readers? Maybe I should contact her and tell her I am heartbroken that she only wanted my money and that I thought she might be “the one” and I want to marry her and have lots of babies.


Hello Dearest ,

Thanks for your responds, i wen’t through your profile and fined it intresting the expression of love , How are you today?I hope this massage will find you in the best of your health, I really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here.

Please I write not only to introduce myself to you, but also tender a joint investment business proposal for your considerations and acceptance. I know that receipt of my communication shall be a great surprise to you considering the fact that we did not know each other or had any business negotiations before now,I am also aware of the fact that there is a lot of fraudulent business proposals circulating around the world, mostly from African countries. which makes it imperative for one to be extremely careful before accepting and venturing any business proposal from unfamiliar person like me.I however, pray your respected self not to allow the above unnatural abnormalities to influence your decision to accept my genuine proposal and intentions which undoubtedly would be of immense mutual benefits to both of us. I pledge to you for urgent and dedicated attention which this issue deserves. I deem it necessary to introduce myself in detail for you and the need for your assistance to claim and invest my inheritance for me, I am Miss. Floxy Richard Attipoe 25 years old girl from Republic of Togo, the only daughter of Late Richard Attipoe the former sport minister of Togo who was killed in helicopter crashed after the helicopter taking them to Lungi International Airport in Freetown Republic of Sierra Leone crashed as it was landing and crashed, killing all travelers except one of the pilots, because he managed to jump from the burning chopper, but according to the same official report his condition was serious, after suffering major burns.

I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father’s treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father.Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hide away my international passport and other valuable traveling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my Father’s File which contains important documents. So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in Dakar, Republic of Senegal. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your country.My father secretly deposited the sum of US$3,423, 000.00 in one of the prime bank in Senegal, in custody of my name as the next of kin.

However, I shall forward you with the necessary information of the deposit on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund in your country. As you will also help me in an investment, and I will like to complete my studies, as I was in the school, before the death of my father in Sierra Leone. It is my intention to compensate you with 5% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.

As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest to help me out,I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely.I am staying at the female hostel.Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please I beg you not to disclose it a third party till I come over, once the fund has been transferred into your account. I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification, then send in your questions. I will try to scan my picture to send in my next mail.

Thanks as I hope to receive from you soon.
Yours Faithfully!

 

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Politically Incorrect Kevlar


I keep hearing from friends about how bad the job market is. Some of them are struggling to find work, and they have found that there are some jobs they can’t get,
thought they are qualified. You know why? Because nowadays, many jobs are off limits unless you are bi-lingual. Banks are a good example of this.

Now, lets think: isn’t this BACKWARDS? I feel it is. I think it is the antithesis of how things should operate. If someone from another country who speaks another language, comes to the US, they are the ones who should be bi-lingual. I shouldn’t have to learn another language, in order to find certain employment, as I am not in another country. I am in America, and our national language is ENGLISH. This problem has had a domino effect and has undermined service industries, the worst of which we see n certain service industries. Like customer service, via telephone. When you call for help on any number of services from your cable, to your credit card, to your Pay Pal account, haven’t you noticed that it’s almost always someone with a thick foreign accent who is there to help you? Who among us, has not had to deal with the language barrier of a customer service rep who isn’t fluent in English? Nine times out of ten, i have to ask for them to transfer me to someone else, hoping to get someone i can understand and who can understand me. inevitably, I get cut off during the transfer, and have to call back, or i get connected to someone else of another nationality whom I cannot understand, and who can’t understand me.

Now, if we say something about this, we are dubbed racist. This is what i mean by Political Correctness being counter-productive. It’s not about the color of anyone’s skin. I don’t judge people by that. Normally, i judge them individually, by their behavior; by their character. And this service industry problem doesn’t’ even have anything to do with THAT. It has to do with the need for clear communication. Which we can’t have if those who immigrate to this country are not expected to LEARN THE LANGUAGE. It makes no sense for English speaking natives to suffer because of this. This is Reverse Discrimination.

So, now, I’m putting on my Kevlar vest,
in anticipation of the aspersions that
will soon be firing in my direction
for being such a racist.

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Knock & the Door Won’t Be Opened to You

I have a condition called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, and that often means I wind up sleeping during the day, and being awake at night. This schedule has its negative aspects. One of them is the fact that I’m asleep while everyone else is going about their business.

Few things can awaken the irrational beast in me faster than someone knocking on my door when I’m asleep. First, it scares me, and so that’s what is known as a rude awakening. Who likes waking up scared?

Knocks on the door have always scared me, even when I’m awake. I’ve tried to figure out the psychological root of this, but all I can come up with is that it somehow represents a stranger, insisting on entering my space, without prior written consent. . .One would think I had been traumatized by answering a door and finding some guy in a hockey mask who tried to hack me in half. But nothing like that has ever happened to me. Unless I blocked it out. I guess I could have traumatic amnesia. But then, if I can’t remember it, it couldn’t have been that traumatic, I am guessing.

Anyway, for whatever reason, knocks on my door set my heart to hammering, and I always run upstairs to look out the window with a view overlooking my front porch.

I learned a long time ago that the decision to answer the door depended strongly on who it was. Since I don’t have any local friends (I didn’t say “no friends” I said “no LOCAL friends”–just in case you think I’m friendless and decide to come visit me. . .I won’t answer the door, you know. Mmm. . ..maybe that’s why I don’t have any friends. I mean, no local friends).

Anyway.

Peeking out the window is a much less extreme reaction than what I used to do. I used to run to the bedroom to get my gun and have it behind my back with the safety off when I opened the door. Now I just look out the window and usually there’s no need for the gun, because I can see it’s someone I don’t know and don’t want to open the door to, anyway.

Some time ago, it occurred to me that I am under no obligation to open the door, just because someone knocked. It’s like a Pavlovian response that stems from our need to follow some universally understood pattern: knock on door/open door. But after giving this some thought, I recognized a self-empowering truth: I don’t have to answer.

And Experience has shown that I don’t usually know who they are, anyway, and if I don’t know them, they are probably some local church-goer who wishes to save my soul from its current trajectory to an eternal fiery furnace for which there is no evidence. I used to toy with these people, by answering the door and when they asked if I went to church, or if I’d accepted Jesus as my personal savior, I offered some scandalous and disrespectful retort designed to spin them into spiritual confusion. (Something like “No, I can’t accept Jesus as my personal savior, because Satan is my deity of choice, and he doesn’t like Jesus very much.” Or I’ll go to the door with a ketchup-smeared chef’s knife in my hand and growl, “Can’t you see that I’m in the middle of an important ritual?”

I eventually lost interest in this little game, just like cats who play with a mouse until it stops moving, and then it’s no fun anymore. These preachy types were just like another mouse. Or maybe more like lemmings. Either way, they eventually just became aggravating. It wasn’t worth me getting my sleep disturbed. And often, the knock interrupted some erotic dream which I was enjoying immensely and would never be able to rejoin when I climbed back in bed.

So I was finally forced to post a sign at my door, which read,

NO SOLICITORS.
IF I don’t know you, don’t knock.
This goes for church-people too.
Knock, and the door won’t be opened to you.
A stranger is just a person I haven’t SHOT yet.

 

I added a little graphic of a hand holding a gun.

I haven’t heard a knock since. Although I did find a package that the UPS girl had quietly left for me yesterday.

She didn’t knock.

I might need to order some more black candles and a sacrificial dagger.

Maybe I should add an addendum that package delivery people were exempt from a bullet.

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Door Christians

Well here’s my latest little adventure…I’m one of those people who has to have a certain amount of control over my environment to be happy. When that gets disrupted, it fucks with my Chi, as I like to say. As a songwriter, I often spend long hours working on tracking my music in my home studio. I was in the middle of recording a new song and had already started over twice, and really had it going good this time when….

…there was a knock at the door. My dog, Giz, went to barking, (‘Cause it fucks with his Chi, too) and I stood up quickly, tried to lay my guitar down, ripped the headphone plug out, tripped over the guitar cord and muttered an impressive selection of profanities. I checked through the window–some dude and a younger girl. Seemed harmless enough, but hell, the recorder was still on and I HATE being interrupted!

I opened the door and said “Yes?”

Referring to a card in his hand, he says, “Are you Jud? Jud Ba-eely?”

First of all, i am female, and i don’t know many females with the first name, “Jud.” I wanted to say, “Do i look like a Jud to you? But instead countered with: “No, Jae Baeli. (I gave emphasis on the pronunciation of my last name, Bay-lee). “Who’s asking?”

He said, “I’m blah-blah from the First Baptist Church, and–”

I could feel the steam forming in my ears. This makes me so mad. It’s like door to door spamming. I kept wishing for a delete button or a block-this-person switch, or even a trap door beneath my stoop. I said, “Do you have any idea how rude it is to just drop in on people? I’m in the middle of something and you have really fouled things up.”

He says, “I’m sorry. We were just wondering if you attend–”

I interrupted him again. “I was in a training session with my sex slave, and about to make an offering to Satan, so I don’t think we need to continue this.”

The look on his face was enough to give me some satisfaction as I closed the door in his face.

I guess this makes me sound awful, but I really hate that shit. I don’t want anyone cramming their religion down my throat. If I want to go to church, I can find it–it usually has a huge steeple on the building and lots of singing inside. I’m no pagan or anything, but it’s just such a rude thing to do, in my opinion. And knocks on my door have a way of scaring me. My heart rate climbs and my blood pressure soars. Not sure why. So as is the norm in these situations, I began to shake, and then I couldn’t continue recording because I was so shaky. I am so mad, now.

So there’s a part of my “dark side” for ya. I’m probably going to burn in hell.

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